Stick Dog. Tom Watson

He is not called Stick Dog because he likes sticks. Although, now that I think about it, he does like sticks. All dogs like sticks, don’t they? I mean, what kind of dog doesn’t like sticks? If I came across an animal that looked like a dog and I offered it a stick and it refused to take it, then I might conclude that it’s not a dog at all. Wouldn’t you?

I would think it’s a furry chair or something.

Anyway, Stick Dog is not called Stick Dog because he likes sticks. He’s called Stick Dog because I don’t know how to draw. I mean, I do know how to draw – I just don’t know how to draw very well. You know how to draw stick people, right? A circle for a head, add a couple of lines for arms and legs, and – SHAZAM! – you’ve got a stick person. I do the same thing for dogs. And that’s how our main character got his name.

So, this is Stick Dog.

When I showed this picture of a dog to my art teacher, she scrunched up her face. I don’t know about your art teacher, but when my art teacher scrunches up her face, it’s not a compliment.

Then she regained her composure, unscrunched her face, and said, “Dogs don’t have right angles, Tom.”

And I said, “Stick dogs do.”

Then she said, “But if you draw stick dogs, all your dog drawings will look the same.”

After she left my desk and walked over to congratulate Jack Krulewitch on drawing a far superior and lovely dog with lots of realistic curves, I decided to prove her wrong. I like proving people wrong. It comes naturally to me.

So these are some other drawings of dogs. As you can no doubt see, they do NOT all look the same. They do look slightly similar, but with certain distinct features to tell them apart from Stick Dog himself. There’s a Dalmatian, a poodle, and a dachshund.

There’s also a mutt. Now, I couldn’t figure out how to draw a mutt, which is a dog made up of many different breeds of dogs all mixed together. So he’s that wavy dude up there. Because, really, a mutt can be just about anything, right? Big, small, long fur, short fur, curly – whatever. So wavy lines in the fur mean mutt. Got it?

I’m glad you get it. My art teacher didn’t. When she came over to look at my drawings again, she scrunched up her face a second time.

She didn’t unscrunch it. And that’s just fine and dandy with me.

Okay, now before we start with the story, you and I need to agree on a few things.

First, you should know that it’s not just dogs that I can’t draw very well. I pretty much can’t draw anything very well. I can’t draw flowers, houses, candy bars, asparagus, donkeys, caterpillars, aeroplanes, elbows, or French fries very well either. In fact, my asparagus stalks look a lot like my French fries. You should get the idea just from this example.

So, the first thing we have to agree on is this: I can’t draw much of anything. Okay?

The second thing we have to agree on is: you’re not going to give me any trouble about my drawing abilities. For instance, you’re not allowed to say something like, “Dude, that drawing of a tree looks like a big thingy of broccoli.”

Actually, trees and broccoli look a lot alike when you really think about it.

But, anyway, you get the point: I admit to you that I can’t draw so well. And you promise that you won’t hassle me about it.

Next, we need to talk about something my English teacher and I don’t agree on. All of a sudden I’m realising I often disagree with many of my teachers. I’m just like that, I guess.

He likes to stand in front of class and say “Good writers follow good rules.” He has lots of rules when it comes to writing. There have to be introductions and conclusions to everything, for instance. Sentences need to have proper structure. He says telling funny stories is for the campfire, not the classroom. He says starting sentences with the word “And” is unacceptable. He says never use sounds for words.

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