Chili Dawgs Always Bark at Night. Lewis Grizzard
Chili Dawgs Always Bark at Night
Lewis Grizzard
NEWSOUTH BOOKS
Montgomery
Also by Lewis Grizzard
Kathy Sue Loudermilk, I Love You (1979)
Glory! Glory! Georgia’s 1980 Championship Season (1981)
They Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat (1982)
If Love Were Oil, I’d Be About a Quart Low (1983)
Don’t Sit Under the Grits Tree with Anyone Else But Me (1984)
Elvis is Dead and I Don’t Feel So Good Myself (1984)
Won’t You Come Home, Billy Bob Bailey? (1985)
My Daddy Was a Pistol and I’m a Son of a Gun (1986)
Shoot Low Boys—They’re Riding Shetland Ponies (1986)
When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room,Will I Be Too Old to Care? (1987)
Don’t Bend Over in the Garden, Granny—You Know Them Taters Got Eyes (1988)
Lewis Grizzard’s Advice to the Newly Wed (1989)
Lewis Grizzard on Fear of Flying (1989)
If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I’m Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground (1990)
Does a Wild Bear Chip in the Woods? (1990)
Chili Dawgs Always Bark at Night (1990)
Don’t Forget to Call Your Momma; I Wish I Could Call Mine (1991)
You Can’t Put No Boogie Woogie on the King of Rock and Roll (1991)
I Haven’t Understood Anything Since 1962 and Other Nekkid Truths (1992)
I Took a Lickin’ and Kept on Tickin’ and Now I Believe in Miracles (1993)
The Last Bus to Albuquerque (posthumous) (1994)
It Wasn’t Always Easy but I Sure Had Fun (posthumous) (1994)
Grizzardisms: The Wit and Wisdom of Lewis Grizzard (1995)
Southern by the Grace of God—Lewis Grizzard on the South (1996)
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Copyright © 2014 by Dedra Grizzard. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. Published in the United States by NewSouth Books, a division of NewSouth, Inc., Montgomery, Alabama.
ISBN: 978-1-58838-303-7
eBook ISBN: 978-1-60306-337-1
Library of Congress Control Number: 2014950462
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For Christel,
who helps a lot
Contents
Making America a Kinder, Gentler Nation - Call It a Conundrum - America’s Newest Killer - When “The Boys” Grew Up - Let’s Get the Trains on Track - Why Not a Jerk Patrol? - On Water Patrol
Dress Codes that Need Decoding - Pulling the Wool Over My Eyes - Your Guide to Men’s Leisure Fashion - Living the Battle of the Bulge
Fit to Be Tied at the Plaza - My Dogged Addiction - Breakfast with a Kick - Who Needs Self-service? - The One and Only Vidalia Onion - Knowing Where to Draw the Line on Carp - Getting Rid of Ants Is No Picnic - A Grain of Truth in Straight Talk About Cereal
We’re All Still in God’s Waiting Room - Giving the Bird to a Turkey - Humor Out of This World - Pay as You Inter - Enough Is Enough - Was It the Lord’s Work?
Where No News Is Good News - Journalism Gone Bonkers - Call Me “MAODWMNSPCG-14HGWS”
Why I Get Tee’d Off - My Handicap: Women Golfers - Roughly Speaking, I Play Golf - “The Snake Rule” of Golf - The Course of True Golf
My Dog, the Genius - Going Nuts Over Squirrels - The Stranger and the Lost German Shepherd - My Dog, the Star - Leading a Dog’s Life - A Deuce No Longer Wild - Barking Up the Wrong Tree