Where Did That Come From?: How to Keep Control In Any Situation. Anne Boone's Riches
Where Did That Come From?
How to Keep Control In Any Situation
By
Anne Riches
Copyright 2012 © Anne Riches
Published in eBook format by eBookIt.com
ISBN-13: 978-1-4566-0850-7
All rights reserved. Apart from any fair dealing for the purpose of private study, research, criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright Act, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored, or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) by any process without written permission from the author.
Acknowledgements
I am indebted to numerous people for their ideas and help in preparing this book. In particular, I want to thank the many wonderful employees at Qantas Airways Ltd who shared their own strategies for managing The Almond Effect® with me during the leadership skills development courses and customer service programs I presented with my colleague John Kumnick to around 3,000 staff members. Thank you for your contributions. You, and those programs, hold special memories for me.
About the author
Anne Riches emphasises the fundamental importance of the human side of people at work. Using solid research and proven strategies, Anne provides key people in organisations from the CEO to the frontline with tools to strengthen their skills in leadership and people management, change management, customer service and develop better relationships at home and at work.
Anne draws on over 30 years’ international experience as a leader and change agent in change management, leadership, law, judicial education, and human resources. You’ll find more information and contact details at the end of this e-book.
This e-book is one of the Clearing the Mindfield™ series of publications, keynotes and workshops. The series provides tools, advice and pragmatic solutions for:
oRetaining Great Employees
oRetaining Great Customers
oRetaining Great Relationships
Introduction
GOING OFF HALF-COCKED - "This is what we say in America; the British equivalent is 'to go off half-cock' or 'at half-cock.' Either way the meaning is to speak or do something hastily, without adequate preparation prematurely. The original reference, back in the middle to the eighteenth century, was to the musket which, if the hammer was cocked halfway, was supposed to be locked, safe against accidental discharge. But sometimes the mechanism was faulty, the hammer would be released, and the gun would be prematurely discharged, with the musketeer wholly unprepared." From "2107 Curious Word Origins, Sayings & Expressions from White Elephants to a Song and Dance" by Charles Earle Funk and Tom Funk (Galahad Book, New York, 1993).
Have you ever just ‘lost it’? Said or done something, and then wished the earth would open up and swallow you whole, as you died of embarrassment? Have you ever heard or used phrases like: ‘he went completely nuts’; ‘she went off her tree’; ‘I was simply dumbfounded’; ‘I was so angry I couldn’t think straight’; ‘I don’t know what came over me’.
There’s a neuroscientific reason why these things happen. I call it The Almond Effect®, and in this e-book, I’m going to talk about what it is, why it happens, how it affects us at work and at home, and give you lots of tips on how to manage it.
When we understand and manage The Almond Effect®, there’s a good chance we’ll have fewer arguments and better relationships with our managers and work colleagues. We’ll provide ‘wouldn’t go anywhere else’ service to our customers. And in our personal lives, we won’t get caught up in road rage, queue rage, pavement rage, teenage kids rage, or any other kind of rage. We’ll have better relationships with our partners, our children and our friends, and we’ll live less stressed lives. Sound too good to be true? Read on.
You need to know about your amygdala – really!
Let me introduce you to the significant cause of what trips us up emotionally, a part of our brain called our amygdala. The word amygdala has its origins in both Greek and Latin and means almond. The amygdala is shaped like an almond, and we each have two of them in our brain.
The amygdala is a vital part of our brain, and plays a fundamental role in ensuring our survival. It warns us of imminent danger, and instigates immediate action so that we can protect ourselves. If we step onto the road, and a car appears out of nowhere, hurtling towards us, we jump out of the way without thinking. If a fire alarm goes off in the building, we immediately run for the fire escape.
However sometimes our amygdalae get it wrong. They set off a false alarm, to which we react, but in this case it’s inappropriate, because it’s not really a life-threatening situation. For example, have you ever said something or done something in the heat of the moment, without thinking, and almost immediately regretted it. You’ve probably said to yourself: ‘I wish I hadn’t done that’. That’s The Almond Effect®.
You receive an SMS, Tweet or email from someone that makes you angry, irritated, and upset. You instantly write your reply and hit the send button, only to regret it moments later. It’s your ‘almonds’ again!
Or your partner says: “Oh. That’s a new dress.” To which you snap back: ‘It’s my money, what’s your problem? Does it make me look fat?’
Or a customer says: “I think you have this wrong ma’am”. You wince and snarl back: ‘Don’t call me ma’am’, and then you realise he’s in navy uniform. That’s how the military are trained to address women as a sign of respect!
Or your boss says: “I’ve been looking for you. Can you come and see me for a minute?’ and your heart starts to race!
Our amygdalae have a lot to answer for. They keep us safe from threats to our survival, but they can also get us into heaps of trouble.
Why do we experience The Almond Effect®?
In our limbic system, the amygdala is responsible for our feelings of fear. It functions as a kind of psychological sentinel, scanning every situation with only one survival question in mind: ‘is this going to hurt me?’
It’s the basic survival mechanism that sets off our fight or flight mechanism. It served us well when we were becoming human, coming down from trees and living in caves. The trouble is it’s still functioning in much the same way today.
The limbic system also stores our emotional memories. It has what I call a database of ‘nasty things’, and is constantly checking, in every situation: is this something that could harm me? Something that I should fear? If the answer is ‘yes’, then the amygdala instantaneously triggers our survival