Twenty Three Years of Lessons. Dellandra Adams
Worry
Don't worry;
I know where I've been.
Taking care;
Not knowing if I'll always be there;
depending on others to do for you
is no kind of future to give to you,
dependency to me means slowed progress;
but still I digress;
I've been down for so long
that now it's easier to see the sky.
From here, I can finally show the love
I've always wanted to know.
Distance
So much energy in this place;
so much energy used caring for you;
so much negativity within this energy;
I feel it stronger than ever now;
it's you and maybe me;
my mental health;
I don't think you have the capacity
to understand the limitations washing over me;
to take care of you and me;
it's you;
it always has been;
I'll be back in a week, a month, a year;
however long it takes to get myself back here;
but if you ever need me just know I'm near;
for distance is just a place;
I am here.
Blue
I am the ocean;
View me in my vastness;
admire my depth.
I am powerful enough to sink you within;
down to the bottom to see my floor;
deep enough to save you;
I am water;
pure enough to cleanse you;
deep enough to drown you.
The Storm
After all of this;
all of these storms;
all of the chaos;
I am free.
Free from the lightening that brought the thunder;
free from the clouds that brought the rain;
I am free.
Blame
Ever since that day, you haven't been the same;
can't bat your eye or even call me by my
name the same;
words unexplained proves someones to blame;
after this, I will never be the same
and if I were to carry all this shame,
I would have never overcome;
to feel the love and experience the righteousness of God's love;
god's love has oversewn your darkness;
he sees all, and even in the darkness of the night he shows his light;
I am in the light now;
moving by the strength of God;
moving past you and your still fragrance.
Cold Thoughts
No room to grow in this place;
being honest here is such a disgrace.
Is it here or the line?
Maybe I'll run that race.
All I have of you is cold thoughts;
just the memory of me in the hot spot.
Was it worth it then or now?
I don't think so...
Suffering in silence is the norm, and I couldn't help feeling this place once warm turn cold as ice.
The hope of the future has helped me grow;
if it were up to me, I'd give the queue with hopes that you don't reap what you sew.
Wash
I tried to wash away that moment;
as I moved from my legs to my thighs I am reminded that I am broken;
my hopeful heart has shattered
and there is no soap that can cleanse me;
this cold world has taken from me moments I will never get back;
I didn't deserve it but what person does?
Silenced by the world's harsh opinions backed by one-sided ideas.
So I did what all 'good girls' do, keep quiet and be strong;
"But my body was not built for this kind of pain". I told god and each time in return god turned my woes into wisdom.
Alone
Right now you feel alone;
In a room empty with the illusion of happiness;
so many smiles and pretty dresses;
with champagne that does nothing less of impressing.
Perhaps you need to be alone entirely to know what it feels like to be happy again. With all the lights and noise it's normal to want solidarity in silence every now and then.
So go home, your happiness is more important than a night such as this.
Care For Me
Don't give me anything less of the love I give to me;
Love me;
Care for me;
Above all else, be there for me;
Remind me why it's safe to trust;
If you can't do that then there's nothing else you can do for me.
I've lived a life different than your own;
Help me forget the images that I've been shown
and the past that I've known;
just care for me.
Perhaps
Perhaps they do love you;
they just don't know how to show it; from all these years you've never known it;
the kind of love you yearn can not be provided here;
the pain and helplessness that lies behind your smile;
you are so strong;
this much is true;
all of these years of being there should prove to you that you are a silent warrior;
their love was there and available to you; just not in the way you needed it.
Want
People want what they can not have;
often, this is more about possession and power;
know yourself enough to know the difference of love and power;