Living in the Light. Theodore M. Crisell
FORGIVENESS
“Offering forgiveness prevents us from being destroyed by a corrosive resentment . It helps us grow in being magnanimous.”
--Desmond Tutu--
One of the hardest things to do but probably the most healing is to forgive... especially when the hurt is deep. Forgiveness may not be instantaneous and sometimes we need to forgive multiple times, but it's better to do this than hold on to the hurt, letting bitterness fester.
There is a beautiful release that comes with forgiveness.
When you allow your soul to release pain and bring love back to where pain resides, healing occurs.
You don't have to try to forget the painful action or have that person over for dinner...forgiveness is a gift to yourself. There is power in just releasing the energy of anger and resentment. Forgiveness releases the chains of pain from your heart and soul so that love and healing can take place.
Bring hope, love, and forgiveness to your wounds. Allow wisdom to grow where pain once resided. Our wounds can become a source of wisdom. When we bring forgiveness and understanding to a painful situation, we open ourselves up to become a wounded healer; allowing our wounds to bring healing and become an inspiration to others.
The beautiful thing about forgiveness is that our souls become more resilient when we are able to release the grip of something as strong as hurt and resentment. In fact, many times we can hold on to the pain when the offending party has already moved on, leaving us in a victim state, stripped of our power .
There have been many events that have offered me the opportunity to practice forgiveness; broken hearts, family situations, disappointments at work, and friendships falling apart. I have felt hurt and disregarded, and realized that despite my pain, I had to learn how to forgive in order to release myself in the pain I was holding on to.
Through these lessons I learned that we all have different levels of understanding and that was where many of these problems stem from...The Need to Be Right. I realized I may never be understood or validated, so instead of dwelling on the anger of the misunderstandings, I realized that I had to release the need to be right and understood and... forgive instead.
Sometimes people will never understand or agree with us, even if they are completely wrong or out of line.
Releasing our pain by offering forgiveness gives us the freedom to heal and move on.
Sometimes we need to let go of the entire relationship and sometimes you just need to bring compassion and grace to a situation when anger and resentment feel like they are taking over. Compassion and grace are the keys to understanding... if you hold onto bitterness you will be stuck in a cycle of pain.
When a disagreement occurs, it is hard to come back together. When hurt and resentment arise... if the relationship is important to you and the foundation is love, be the first to bridge the gap of pain and offer forgiveness.
Give Love where love is needed. Apologize... be brave, and healing occurs when, resentment doesn't have time to grow the roots of bitterness. What forgiveness does, it breaks free from the grip of anger, resentment and bitterness.
In order to heal, offer compassion even though you may not fully understand the extent of the other person's pain, you have no choice but to forgive or hold onto resentment.
With time, the relationship may be restored, if not, you'll give yourself a gift of the dissipation of the bitterness that you had harbored through the practice of forgiving and letting go of the bitterness. Forgiveness is the only way to truly let go of all the hurt and pain.
An effective way to begin this process, write a letter stating all the pain and hurt you've experienced... let the person know how hurt and angry, disappointed and betrayed and sad their actions made you. Let them know how the situation made you feel and try to offer understanding and forgiveness... let them know that you're releasing the pain... forgive them for the hurt they caused...then, tear the letter up.
Sometimes that letter will be addressed to yourself... self forgiveness is needed many times and going through this exercise for yourself is also very healing.
Release the attachment to the pain and give yourself understanding, forgiveness and love.
Sometimes there isn't reconciliation in the realization that our relationship is beyond repair...it is tough and hard to accept that someone you have been close to for a long time has grown apart from you. I can feel like a branch splitting, creating two new trees... each tree growing and blossoming, but separately. It hurts to lose someone you are close to... anger, resentment, confusion and sadness happen all at once... releasing the pain overtime after forgiveness is taking place will begin the healing process.
Whether there is a specific reason or several misunderstandings that lead to the end of our friendship or relationship... compassion, forgiveness and grace can heal a wound that runs deep. We may never know why the other person moved on... so, we must take responsibility for our pain...build a new base with love and let go and let love enter.
Once you move forward, you will feel an immense sense of peace and spaciousness. Letting go always creates a beautiful void where growth has the space finally to enter. I learned that to forgive does not always mean to restore... sometimes forgiving means releasing and letting go completely or just for a time in order to allow healing to occur.
The healing that comes after you resolved to surrender to the process of forgiving is powerful... it can be overwhelming after feeling an emotion so intense as anger and resentment. Peace can now enter... negative emotions dissolve.
“Peace be with you….And, Peace be with me!”
NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE ONE --- STEALING DAD’S CAR, AGE 15
Well, I sit here recalling this experience and sharing it with you in the most honest manner I can. I really do not want to recall this experience, but, I think I must.
I was 15 years of age, a sophomore in high school . I was a good kid. I was running track and playing football and I had a wonderful girlfriend, a great young girl and I really cared about her a lot. My parents were wonderful people, truly wonderful people, great mom, great dad... dad raised on a farm and mom raised in a Catholic orphanage from age 5. You couldn't ask for better parents…. very loving.
Mom and Dad went out of town... they went up to Los Angeles and we were living in Orange County, not too far from Disneyland and I love Disneyland. I actually got a job working there later as a Native American Indian dancer, believe it or not, and also paddling Indian War canoes. Well, my girlfriend also loved Disneyland. With parents out of town, I like to say, I borrowed dad's car and took it for a joyride... well, I don't want to say a joyride... I borrowed dad's car and I went to pick up the girlfriend and planned to drive to Disneyland. YUP, I BORROWED dad's car without his permission... he was out of town and the car was in the driveway... well, I went out and took the car... I took the car and I drove it to pick up the girlfriend...I lived quite a distance from her and I went to get her and pick her up.
When we started driving from her town over to Disneyland I was driving my dad's foreign car and it was a small car... well, I wasn't the greatest driver at age 15...no driver's license yet and I wasn't insured, of course.
So, I picked her up and we’re heading to Disneyland for a fun day.
I needed to find a place to park, near Disneyland, so I pulled into the left turn lane and, I didn't make a very good signal, so, a very big Cadillac hit our car... she hit the back bumper, hit it so hard the car flipped... the car turned over upside down and we didn't have any seat belts on and we rolled over and I'll never forget what happened at that moment the car rolled.
The car ended up completely totaled... it flipped over twice, it rolled and rolled and then ended up on its roof.
I looked at my girlfriend and she looked