Makeup Couldn't Cover These Scars. Wavy Buchman
Introduction
Imagine your boyfriend driving you to work at six o'clock in the morning. Now imagine, you two having a disagreement in the car and your boyfriend reaches out to punch you in the face. This was my reality. He hit me so hard that morning my lip swelled up instantly. I didn't want to go to work like that but I had no choice. I recall crying in the bathroom and thinking why do I put up with this. Shortly after wiping my tears I carried on with my day.
I was involved with a man over the past 3 years who abused me every chance he could. He would slowly start to control who I talked to, what I wore, and how I would act. I feared him some days and other days I was so high out of my mind from smoking marijuana I really didn’t care. I'd began to have nightmares every night I laid next to this man. I would have dreams of him trying to kill me. I don’t know why I just did.
In this story I will give you vivid detail of the abuse I endured and how I eventually left for good. I can honestly say that I am now drug free and in a better place in life. This man took me through hell, but I allowed him to. I also grew a great deal after this relationship. I hope to bless someone with my story and if you are in an abusive relationship, please love yourself first and get out. Nothing good will ever come out of it.
1. Naïve in Love
Here I am on my sister’s couch, in pain, wondering how I let my life get to this point. My lung had collapsed, my home was no longer a home, and I was struggling to pay the bills more than ever before. With Christmas less than three days away, I had only $64 dollars to my name and I was determined to make it a good Christmas for my daughter.
Let’s rewind this story to the beginning. My cousin had introduced me to this guy about three years back. He was cute, funny, laid back and such a gentleman when we first met. We would go out on dinner dates, movie dates, arcade dates, heck anything fun. I think I fell hard for him because I felt he was genuinely a good guy. He would come over to watch tv. and we would talk about any and everything through the wee hours of the night. We had some of the best conversations about life, love, and dreams.
Our relationship got intimate kind of quick. I was head over heels for this guy, as much as I believed he was for me. I’ll never forget the day after we got intimate. He saw another man looking at me and just went off on him. “Why you fucking looking at my girl?” I mean he cursed him all the way out. I didn’t think much of it then, I thought it was cute. I just brushed it off as he was being protective over me, but now I realize that was one of the red flags I let slip right past.
A few months later, I let him move in and it was going well. He was very attentive to my needs and my daughter’s. He would treat us like I was his queen and she was his princess. He took us out often and bought us lavish gifts, you know, really spoiling us. I was happy, my daughter was happy, we were all happy.
One day, we were all chilling downstairs. I’ll never forget we were play-fighting as we always did, then suddenly, he started punching me in my arms and legs as hard as he could. I screamed so many times that I was done, and it was like he didn’t care; like he wanted to teach me a lesson. He was going out of his way to show me that he was indeed stronger than me. Eventually, he let me up and I looked over to find my daughter was hiding behind the couch. She was so scared. I grabbed her and told her mommy and him were play-fighting, but he took it a little too far. He ended up leaving after saying, “See this is why I don’t play.” I took my daughter upstairs, watched a movie with her, and got her in bed. I took a long shower afterwards and cried after seeing all the bruises left on my body. I’ve never seen so many physical bruises on me. I got out of the shower and went to sleep.
The next day he showed up apologizing, claiming he didn’t know he was that rough. He brought gifts to make up for it and like a naive little girl I believed him. Our relationship began to progress again, and it was starting to get better. He was like a knight to me for some reason. He took care of everything, he made me feel secure and loved.
We would take turns cooking; he would dance for me (just for laughs). Thinking back, it seemed like we enjoyed each other’s company. He told me how beautiful I was or how lucky he was to have me, and I hung onto every word.
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