Don't Go Crazy Without Me. Deborah A. Lott
Advance praise for
Don’t Go Crazy Without Me
Deborah A. Lott writes with an intelligence that’s simultaneously hilarious, devastating, and generous. Don’t Go Crazy Without Me turns whatever we thought a memoir should do completely on its head and makes something glorious and fresh of the form. It reminds us why we need to laugh, especially in dark times.
—PAUL LISICKY, author of The Narrow Door and Later: My Life at the Edge of the World
Sentence by sentence, Deborah A. Lott is one of the finest writers I know. Her keen insights into the dynamics of her quirky, unforgettable family, and into family dynamics in general, make this book bound to be a classic.
—HOPE EDELMAN, author of Motherless Daughters
Brilliantly written with grace, generosity, and a highly refined sense of the absurd, Don’t Go Crazy Without Me is the harrowing account of a chaotic, bewildering childhood. This reader was enthralled from the get-go, and Deborah A. Lott is now one of my favorite writers—I kiss the hem of her garment.
—ABIGAIL THOMAS, author of Safekeeping, A Three Dog Life, and What Comes Next and How to Like It
DON’T GO CRAZY WITHOUT ME
a memoir
DEBORAH A. LOTT
Don’t Go Crazy Without Me
Copyright © 2020 by Deborah A. Lott
All Rights Reserved
No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without the prior written permission of both the publisher and the copyright owner.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Lott, Deborah A., author.
Title: Don’t go crazy without me : a memoir / Deborah A. Lott.
Description: First edition. | Pasadena, CA : Red Hen Press, [2020]
Identifiers: LCCN 2019055294 | ISBN 9781597098151 (trade paperback) | ISBN 9781597098144 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Hypochondria—Patients—United States—Biography. Paranoid schizophrenics—United States—Biography. | Hypochondria—Patients—Family relationship.
Classification: LCC RC552.H8 L68 2020 | DDC 616.85/250092 [B]—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019055294
The National Endowment for the Arts, the Los Angeles County Arts Commission, the Ahmanson Foundation, the Dwight Stuart Youth Fund, the Max Factor Family Foundation, the Pasadena Tournament of Roses Foundation, the Pasadena Arts & Culture Commission and the City of Pasadena Cultural Affairs Division, the City of Los Angeles Department of Cultural Affairs, the Audrey & Sydney Irmas Charitable Foundation, the Kinder Morgan Foundation, the Meta & George Rosenberg Foundation, the Allergan Foundation, the Riordan Foundation, Amazon Literary Partnership, and the Mara W. Breech Foundation partially support Red Hen Press.
First Edition
Published by Red Hen Press
Acknowledgments
Thanks to my fellow writers, many of whom read multiple drafts, offered unconditional moral support, and helped me write what I never thought I could bear to write: Liz Berman, Melissa Cistaro, Sam Dunn, Hope Edelman, Amy Friedman, Gretchen Henkel Clark, Monica Holloway, Mark Krewatch, Sandy Kobrin, Leslie Lehr, Danny Miller, Julia Kress Harrington, Grace Phillips, Mim Eichler Rivas, Sam Robson, Christine Schwab, Kit Stolz, and Amy Wallen.
To Karen Kasaba and Tori Morell, who read my work on a regular basis and encourage me to push it as far as I can take it.
To teachers and mentors: Karen Bender, Bernard Cooper, Mark Doty, Eloise Klein Healy, Paul Lisicky, Sharman Apt Russell, David Ulin.
To editors David Groff and Nomi Isak Kleinholtz.
To my Antioch community.
To my family for love and support and allowing me to write about them: Allan, Bob, Karen, Alison, Rebecca, Justin, Jacob, Brian, Steve and Margaret and Braz.
To everyone at RHP who has brought this book to life: Kate Gale, Mark Cull, Tobi Harper, Monica Fernandez, Natasha McClellan, Madeleine Nakamura, Caitlin Sacks, Rebeccah Sanhueza, Nicolas Niño, Amanda De Vries, and Tansica Sunkamaneevongse, and Vivian Rowe.
To Ron Spatz, founder and editor of the Alaska Quarterly Review, who published my work early on and has continued to champion it throughout the years.
To the girl who saved me in fifth grade and many times since: Linda Weed.
To Gary, who’s had to relive the past with me too many times during the course of our adulthood together.
Earlier versions of some chapters appeared originally in the following journals and anthologies:
Alaska Quarterly Review, “Fifteen,” “Trains”; Bellingham Review, “School Shoes”; Cimarron Review, “Nature Lessons”; Crazyhorse, “Migraine”; and The Good Men Project, “Robert F. Kennedy and Me.”
“Elephant Girl” was anthologized in Open House: Writers Redefine Home, edited by Mark Doty (Graywolf Press, 2003).
Contents
Present, UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute, Tuesday, 1:00 p.m.
1968, UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute
MEMORY LESSONS