Belford's Magazine, Vol. II, No. 3, February 1889. Various
—
Chorus.
Poor Newcome!
Nay, we must not seek to prevent it;
If we should, he would only resent it:
Let us then be all silent anent it.
Let him say of his breath, "I have spent it;"
Of his patience, "Behold! I have lent it;"
Of his will, "Woe is me! they have bent it;"
Of his garment, "Aye, lo! I have rent it;
Because I believed that they meant it:
Meant to buy —
Heigh-o-heigh!
O – O – "
[Chorus retire and busy themselves with other remote customers and goods, keeping, however, a wary and observing eye fixed upon Newcome.
Newcome (gushingly). What can I show you this morning, ladies?
Ethel (sweetly). Oh, thank you, we are merely looking as we pass by.
Maude. Oh yes, that is all.
Newcome. It will do no harm to show you these goods, I am sure, ladies. These double-width, all-wool, imported French suitings, in all the latest shades, reduced, marked down only half an hour ago from two dollars and a half a yard to – one-fifty!
Ethel (takes a step nearer to the counter). That blue is lovely, isn't it, Maud?
Maud (also taking a step counterward). Yes, it is lovely.
Newcome. Is blue the color that you are looking for, madam?
Ethel. Oh, not specially.
Newcome. Now just allow me to show you these blues: ten different tones, – the navy, Marie-Louise, slate, Russian, Princess of Wales, robin's-egg, army, cobalt, indigo, steel, – all of them exquisite, and very fashionable!
[Brings down pieces of goods and displays them.
Maud. They are lovely.
Newcome. All at the same price, one dollar and fifty cents, reduced from two and a half only this morning.
Ethel. Why are they so low? (Fingers goods). Is there any imperfection?
Newcome (ecstatically). None in the world, madam – none in the world. They are just an importer's surplus stock that our buyer got at a tremendous reduction, and we are selling them at this absurd price merely to get rid of them before taking stock.
Maud (eying the goods behind the counter on shelves). Ethel, that gray is too sweet for anything; it would just match your chinchilla furs perfectly!
Ethel. So it would!
Newcome (tossing aside the blues with a jubilant air). Gray, did you say, madam? We have a line of grays not to be found anywhere else in the city; every possible tint and tone. Is it for yourself, madam?
[Gazing at Ethel as he moves heavy pile of grays from shelf to counter.
Ethel. Oh no; we are, as I told you, merely looking (glances at Maud) for a friend.
[Chorus of clerics, softly and with a semi-sarcastic, semi-melancholic demeanor, advance and sing:
They are looking for a friend,
Who is ill, and cannot spend
Any strength, but must depend
On their offices, and send
For some samples that may tend
To assist her health to mend.
So their time they gladly lend
To so laudable an end
As is "looking for a friend."
[Chorus retire and again busy themselves with other customers.
Maud. Yes, an invalid lady who is unable to go out at all; we thought if we could take her some samples.
[Chorus groan weakly.
Newcome. Certainly, madam.
[Opens drawer and hands forth any number of packets of samples.
Ethel. Oh, how good you are! Thank you. Say, Maud, isn't that green, up there, the top of that left-hand pile, isn't it too lovely and chic for anything?
Maud. Perfect.
Newcome (abandoning the search for more samples). Green – did you say green, ladies?
Ethel. Oh, never mind!
Newcome (struggling with the greens, which threaten to topple over on him). No trouble at all, madam – none (lands the greens successfully on the counter). We have, as you see, a complete line of the greens – the most fashionable and stylish color of the season. Do be seated, madam, and just let me show you these unparalleled goods, one-fifty only a yard, reduced from two and a half, all-wool, warranted imported French dress material. We sell no domestic goods in this establishment.
Maud. We might look at them, dear.
[Approaches seat.
Ethel. Well (approaches seat) – I suppose we might; we promised her we would look at everything, you know, and report this afternoon.
Newcome (displaying goods). There, ladies! I am sure there is not to be found anywhere in the city, or indeed out of it, such a selection of greens; all tones and shades to suit every taste and complexion. Is it for yourself, may I ask, madam?
Maud. Oh no, no, no – for a friend.
Newcome. And what complexion is the lady, light or dark? We have tints to suit all.
Maud (to Ethel). Would you call her fair or dark, dear?
Ethel. Oh, dark, of course.
Maud. You would! Why, I thought she was just about my complexion.
Ethel. So she is, love, exactly.
Maud. Why, darling! I am not dark, surely; I am considered to be very, very fair for a person with such dark hair and eyes.
Ethel. Now, I would call you a perfect brunette, dear.
Maud. How funny! Why, I'm just exactly your complexion.
Ethel. Oh, my love, only reflect – my hair is yellow and my eyes are blue!
Maud. I know, dearest, but you have an olive skin.
Newcome (who has been patiently holding up the greens at the risk of breaking his arms). There, ladies! I am sure we have a selection of shades in these greens that must suit the most fastidious.
Ethel. They are beautiful!
[Sits.
Maud. Lovely!
[Sits.
Newcome (warmly, and much encouraged by the ladies having taken seats). Oh, I can always tell at a glance what will suit a customer. Now, what you desire is not the common grade of colorings, but something elegant and yet not conspicuous – like this new reed-green, for example.
[Holds up the goods.
Ethel. How sweet!
Maud. Isn't it?
Ethel. Do you really think she would like green?
Maud. I don't know; she is so particular, you know.
Ethel. Yes, I know. Didn't she – It seems to me she said something or other about brown – didn't she?
Maud. Why, yes, to be sure, I believe she did.
Newcome (casting the greens into a reckless oblivion). Brown? We have a selection in all the browns that is not to be found elsewhere, I am confident. (Struggles with great pile of browns; grows warm with effort; pauses to mop his brow with handkerchief; finally brings down huge number of browns and lands them on counter).