Hoggy: Welcome to My World. Matthew Hoggard
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HOGGY
Welcome to My World
To Sarah and Ernie My strength and salvation
What you’ll find inside …
Introduction Thought I’d put this near the start
Chapter 1 - My Family and Other Animals by Matthew ’oggard, aged 8½
Chapter 2 - Gardens, Gags and Games A few early cricketing lessons
Chapter 3 - Wild and Free Beer and bowling in South Africa
Chapter 4 - England Calling First days of national service, 2000-02
Chapter 5 - Meat and Three Veg What goes into a fast bowler’s belly …
Chapter 6 - Touring and Toiling A series of reality checks with England, 2002-03
Chapter 7 - Physical Jerks The pains and strains of keeping fit
Chapter 8 - Getting Better All the Time The winning streak and the awesome foursome, 2004-05
Chapter 9 - Mind Games The stuff that goes on in my head when I’m bowling
Chapter 10 - Time to Produce The biggest series ever and other more important things, summer 2005
Chapter 11 - Drinking for England We do like the occasional pint, you know
Chapter 12 - Swinging the Balance Life goes on after the Ashes, 2005-06
Chapter 13 - A Word from the Wife Sarah’s view from the girls’ gallery
Chapter 14 - Nightwatchman’s Tales My life as England’s sacrificial lamb
Chapter 15 - Squashed by the Big Fat Lad The Ashes comedown, 2006-07
Chapter 16 - Press-ganged My fun and games with the British media
Chapter 17 - It’s all Gone Haywire Some very high highs and very low lows, 2007-08
‘He’s just a bit silly. He rings you up and leaves daft messages and silly noises on your phone. It’s just madness. He’s a good lad though.’
Ashley Giles
‘He gives you it straight. If he thinks you’re a pillock, he’ll tell you. He won’t ask for anything that he wouldn’t do himself, that’s the way he is. Hoggy is Hoggy.’
David Byas, former Yorkshire captain
By the HOGGY DOGGIES, BILLY the Doberman and MOLLY the Border Collie
BILLY: So what’s all this about, then?
MOLLY: Apparently, this is the bit of a book where important people or animals are asked to say nice things about the bloke on the front cover.
BILLY: About him? Why I should say nice things about him? All he ever does is shout at me.
MOLLY: That’s because you play too rough half the time, Billy, and you don’t do as you’re told.
BILLY: Whenever I try to play with you, you don’t give me the time of day. You can be a cantankerous old bitch sometimes.
MOLLY: You forget that I’m an old lady. If I was five years younger, I’d still be able to run rings round you.
BILLY: Like to see you try. Anyway, I still don’t see why I should be so nice about the bloke. What does he ever do for us?
MOLLY: He takes us for lots of long walks.
BILLY: I’ll give him that.
MOLLY: Even when it’s raining. And he feeds us most of the time.
BILLY: Well, yes, you’ve got a point. Sometimes I want to bite him, but I’m worried that the walks and the food might stop if I do. Shall we gang up on him and both bite him?
MOLLY: He’s in charge, Billy boy, whether we like it or not.
BILLY: But if he’s so tough and reckons he’s top dog, why does he always send me outside first if he hears a noise in the garden? I can never understand that.