.
15, 1966
Dear Lesley,
I’ve missed you! School was a real drag while you were out. There’s no one to pass notes to when you’re not here—no one I like, anyway! I’ve been worried about you. Is everything all right? We hardly talk anymore. I know you’re upset about seeing Buck with that other girl, but isn’t that what you wanted? Sister Angelica said you look pale and you do. You’ve lost weight, too. (Lucky you!) I’ll see you at lunch.
Jillian
March 17th
Buck, we need to talk. Please phone me right away.
Lesley
Soroptimists International of Pine Ridge
200 Sixth Avenue Pine Ridge, Washington 98005
March 20, 1966
Miss Lesley Adamski
220 Railroad Avenue Pine Ridge, Washington 98005
Dear Miss Adamski,
It is a great pleasure to inform you that we have selected you as this year’s recipient of our $1,000 college scholarship. The committee was impressed with your essay about your desire to further your education. It’s bright, responsible young women like you who are the hope and future of our country.
Congratulations!
Sincerely,
Sarah Janus, President
Jillian’s Diary
March 23, 1966
I met Nick again and, of all places, in the town cemetery. He showed me where his mother’s buried and we left flowers there. We walked through the cemetery, holding hands, and talked for a long time afterward. He told me his dad fought in World War II and has a medal for distinguished service. My dad was in the war, too, but he never talks about it.
This is the third time Nick and I have met on the sly like this. I love it when he takes me out on his Harley because I can put my arms around his waist and press my cheek against his back. Nick admitted that riding his motorbike gives him a surge of power and freedom and he says it’s a real high.
What’s strange is that so far, all we’ve done is hold hands. Every time we’re together I’m convinced he’s going to kiss me and it hasn’t happened. Not from lack of wanting on my part. Sometimes I wonder why he keeps asking me to meet him. The last person I expected to be the perfect gentleman is Nick Murphy! Tonight, I finally got the courage to ask him if he ever intended to kiss me. He didn’t answer right away. In fact, it took him so long I thought he might not have heard me. Then he said he wanted to kiss me more than anything, but he refused to do it while I’m wearing Scott’s class ring.
I wish now that I hadn’t asked. Not because I dread breaking it off with Scott. It’s always been understood that we’d eventually go our separate ways. He’ll be attending the University of Oregon in Eugene and I’ll be either at Barnard or the University of Washington. I dread returning Scott’s ring because I know what will happen between Nick and me once I do.
The electricity between us is so strong I swear it sometimes crackles. Up until now, we’ve both pretended it isn’t there, but it is. Some nights I lie awake and try to imagine what it would be like to have Nick Murphy make love to me. Then I feel guilty for thinking such impure thoughts and immediately say the rosary.
Before we parted, I told Nick we probably shouldn’t meet again. I hoped he’d argue and tell me how badly he wanted to be with me. Instead he agreed—but we will continue seeing each other and meeting whenever we can. He knows it and so do I. I can’t stay away from him any more than he can stay away from me. As different as we are, we both recognize that we were meant to be together.
I’ve dated Scott forever, but I’ve never felt like this about him. Every moment I’m with Nick I feel this intensity, this wonder. It’s strange that we could be so different and yet so alike.
March 24, 1966
Dearest Lesley,
Surprise! Remember when you were a little girl and I used to tuck notes inside your lunch box? I bet you’d forgotten. Lesley, I found the letter from the Soroptimists in your room and no, I wasn’t sneaking through your chest of drawers! I read it and almost burst with pride. Why didn’t you tell me? I’m so excited, it was all I could do to keep from shouting.
Oh, Lesley, if only you knew how thrilled I am that you have a chance to attend nursing school. I always wanted to, but as you know your father and I got married instead.
Were you afraid to tell us about the scholarship? Or did you want to surprise us later? We both know how your father feels about you girls getting a college education, but he can’t argue with a scholarship, can he?
You’ve been so quiet lately, not like yourself at all. If you were afraid to mention the scholarship, I want to assure you how delighted I am. Don’t worry about Dad, I’ll make sure he doesn’t stand in your way.
I’m so pleased for you, sweetheart, and so very proud.
Love,
Mom
March 31st
Latin Class
Lesley,
What’s wrong? I haven’t been your best friend all these years without knowing when something’s bothering you. Tell me. Did your dad lose his job again? Meet me after drill team practice.
Jillian
Lesley’s Diary
April 1, 1966
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I couldn’t put off telling Buck any longer. I’m pregnant. I thought he’d be angry and yell at me, but instead he seemed almost glad. No one knows, not even Jillian. I can’t talk about it to anyone. The minute I start thinking about what this means for my future, I start to cry. That’s all I seem to do lately.
As soon as the words were out, Buck held me and kissed me and told me how happy he was to have me back. He doesn’t care if the only reason I’m his is because of the baby. Now he wants us to get married. I don’t know if that’s the best answer for either of us. He wanted to elope, drive to Idaho right away, but I refused to do that. It seems like an easy out, but if we marry now I won’t be able to graduate. If I can’t have college, then at least I can get my high school diploma.
Buck has been really good about everything. He’s been over to the house almost every night since I told him. He and my dad seem to be getting along better now, and Mom’s already treating him like another son. I’m beginning to think he’s right and we should get married. Tonight he told me he’s got the whole thing worked out. He talked to an Army recruiter this afternoon and decided enlisting would be the best solution for us. That way, all the medical expenses for the baby will be covered. I don’t want Buck to enlist. There’s so much talk about what’s happening in Vietnam, although Buck said the recruiter told him he could get an assignment in Germany—but only if he enlists within the next month. With the way things are developing in Vietnam, Buck thinks he should take the Germany assignment while he can. I agreed, but I feel guilty about him maybe risking his life for the baby and me.
Buck and I do it all the time now; there doesn’t seem to be any reason not to—that’s what Buck says. I don’t mind so much, I guess, but I find it hard to go to church or explain why I can’t take communion.
Jillian’s Diary
April 12, 1966
Something’s up with Lesley. Weeks after breaking up with Buck, all of a sudden she’s seeing him again. For a while, she was almost her old self—and then, without warning, he’s back. I’ve tried to talk to her, but she insists everything’s all