Can I Let You Go?: Part 3 of 3: A heartbreaking true story of love, loss and moving on. Cathy Glass
studied the side of the jug and then pointed to the correct line.
‘Excellent,’ I said.
Pleased, she stood there looking at me, the jug in her hand.
‘What do you do now?’ I asked. She continued looking at me. ‘If you’ve forgotten, look at the instruction sheet again. I’ve written it to help you.’
She looked down at the sheet and read the line out again. ‘Fill the measuring jug with … Oh yes. I put the water in it.’
‘That’s right. Good. Use the cold water. Fill the jug to the line that shows two hundred mils.’ It was possible that Faye had never used a measuring jug before.
She turned on the cold tap and the water came out in a rush. ‘It’s too much,’ she said, panicking slightly and quickly turning off the tap again.
‘Don’t worry. Just tip a little out until you have about two hundred mils.’ She licked her bottom lip as she concentrated.
‘That’s two hundred,’ she said.
‘Excellent. Bring the jug over here and we’ll look at the next step.’
I helped her read the third stage, pointing to each word as we read: ‘Take out the tray in the sterilizer and pour the water into the base.’
I showed her where the tray was and she tipped in the water.
‘Good. Next,’ I said. ‘You’re doing well. It will all become easier with practice.’
‘Put the tray back in,’ she read.
I helped her slide it back into place and then we read the next step together: ‘Place the bottles and teats in the top.’ I did one to show her and she loaded the others.
‘Well done.’
‘Put the lid back on,’ she read slowly from the sheet.
‘And check it’s properly closed.’ I showed her how the lid went on the sterilizing unit.
She returned to the instruction sheet again and I helped her read the next line: ‘Place the sterilizer in the microwave.’
‘I know how to use microwaves,’ she said, pleased. ‘We have one at home.’
‘Great. They’re all slightly different, but the staff at the mother-and-baby home will show you how to use the one there. But, Faye, you understand that if you breastfeed you may not need to make up bottles. This is just in case you do need to.’ She looked confused, so I knew I should leave that explanation for another time and concentrate on the task in hand.
‘Open the microwave door and put in the sterilizer,’ I prompted. Which she did. ‘What do you do now?’
‘Switch it on?’ she said.
‘Yes, but for how many minutes? Look at the instruction sheet.’
I helped her read: ‘Set the microwave timer for six minutes.’ Then I showed her the timer. There was little point in writing instructions for my microwave, as the one at the home could be different again. I helped her set the dial and she pressed the start button. As the microwave whirred Faye returned to the instruction sheet and I helped her read the next step: ‘Do not take the lid off the sterilizer straight away. Let it cool for three minutes.’
‘That’s important,’ I said. ‘You must leave the sterilizer to stand for three minutes or the steam could scald you – burn.’
‘I know what three minutes is,’ Faye said proudly, raising her watch to eye level.
‘Yes. But it’s three minutes from when the microwave has finished. Not now. It’s still going, isn’t it?’ She nodded but continued to look at her watch.
Deep in thought, I looked at her. Performing a new task like this highlighted the extent of Faye’s learning difficulties. Sterilizing bottles using the microwave was a relatively quick and easy task, but I knew that Faye was going to have to repeat the process with me by her side many, many times before she could safely and competently do the task alone and just follow the step-by-step instructions. And of course she’d have to remember to clean and sterilize the bottles in the first place. Would a member of staff at the home remind her that they needed doing? Or would they view that as part of assessing her competency as a parent? I feared the latter, for if she couldn’t remember to wash and sterilize bottles at the home then the chances were she wouldn’t remember once she’d left.
The microwave pinged, signalling that the cycle had ended.
‘It’s finished,’ Faye announced, lowering her watch.
‘Yes, so what do you do now?’
‘Make up the bottle of milk,’ she said excitedly.
‘But not straight away. We have to leave the bottles to cool. For how long?’
There was a moment’s hesitation before she said, ‘Three minutes.’
‘Yes, that’s right. Good girl.’
‘I’ll tell you when three minutes is up,’ Faye said, pleased, and, raising her watch again, she began counting off the minutes. ‘Time’s up!’ she called.
I watched her as she carefully removed the sterilizer from the microwave and set it on the work surface, and then I showed her how to remove the lid.
‘Now we can make up the milk,’ I said. ‘What’s the first step?’
I pointed to the second sheet and together we read: ‘Wash your hands before touching the bottles.’
‘That’s important,’ I said. ‘The bottles are clean and you have to make sure your hands are too.’
She returned to the sink and I waited while she washed and dried her hands. Then, following the instructions, we began the process of making up a bottle of milk. Paula and Lucy wandered in and out in their dressing gowns a few times while we were working but did eventually get dressed.
‘Isn’t that a waste?’ Paula asked a while later, seeing three bottles of milk lined up. ‘We haven’t got a baby.’
‘I know we haven’t got a baby,’ I said, throwing her a look. ‘But doing a task is the best way to learn and remember it. Do you remember all the time you spent practising tying bows so that you could do up your shoelaces?’
‘Yes, and it was only last week!’ Lucy joked as she came in.
Paula laughed good-humouredly.
‘Laces are difficult,’ Faye said, completely missing the joke. ‘Don’t worry, Paula, I can’t do them.’
‘She can really,’ Lucy said. ‘I was joking.’ But even then Faye didn’t understand and there was an uncomfortable silence. ‘Show us how you make up a bottle then,’ Lucy said, making amends.
Faye smiled proudly as Lucy and Paula came closer to watch. I stood by, ready to help and prompt as necessary, and ten minutes later, with a lot of help, Faye had made up another bottle of milk. We all applauded.
‘Well done,’ I said.
Although there was still a lot to cover in respect of feeds and bottles – warming the milk, testing it to make sure it was at the right temperature, storing the milk in the fridge and so on, all of which would take Faye time to learn – for now I was pleased with the progress we’d made that morning.
After lunch Lucy and Paula said they were going into town shopping and asked Faye if she would like to go with them, but she smiled shyly and said, ‘No, thank you. I have to learn to look after my baby.’
‘You can go with them,’ I encouraged. ‘You’ve done enough learning for one day and I’ll be busy for a couple of hours. The change will do you good.’ But she couldn’t be persuaded and preferred to stay at home with me.
She