Marriage Made Me Do It: An addictive dark comedy you will devour in one sitting. Ashley Fontainne

Marriage Made Me Do It: An addictive dark comedy you will devour in one sitting - Ashley  Fontainne


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       Marriage Made Me Do It

      ASHLEY FONTAINNE

      A division of HarperCollinsPublishers

       www.harpercollins.co.uk

       Copyright

      Killer Reads

      an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

      1 London Bridge Street

      London SE1 9GF

       www.harpercollins.co.uk

      First published in Great Britain by HarperCollinsPublishers 2017

      Copyright © Ashley Fontainne 2017

      Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2017

      Cover photograph © Shutterstock.com

      Ashley Fontainne asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

      A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.

      This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

      All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

      Ebook Edition © September 2017 ISBN: 9780008266899

      Version: 2017-08-16

      Table of Contents

       Cover

       Title Page

       Copyright

       Dedication

       Chapter 1 This Is The Life I Wanted, Right?

       Chapter 2 Don’t Bite The Hand That Feeds You

       Chapter 3 I’m Supposed To Handle This How?

      

       Chapter 4 Fifty Shades Of Ginger

      

       Chapter 5 Book Club Revelations

      

       Chapter 6 Welcome To Hell – Also Known As Entering The Workforce

      

       Chapter 7 A Visit Goes Awry

      

       Chapter 8 Rambling Dreams Of A Crazed Housewife

      

       Chapter 9 Unraveling At The Seams

      

       Chapter 10 Fun Q&A At The Police Station

      

       Chapter 11 Jailhouse Visit

      

       Chapter 12 Hot Headlines – Suburbia Made Her Do It!

      

       Chapter 13 Coming Clean

      

       Chapter 14 Orange Is Not A Good Color On Anyone

      

       Epilogue Tainted Fruit

      

       Acknowledgements

      

       About the Author

      

       About the Publisher

      For Rebecca Roberts - voice talent extraordinaire, relentless cheerleader and amazing friend

       CHAPTER 1

       This Is The Life I Wanted, Right?

      Ignoring the droning voice of the old man talking up front, I let my thoughts wander. As usual, they went back to my youth. Growing up in the Seventies and Eighties, I was blissfully ignorant of how screwed-up my life would turn out when I reached the A-word: Adulthood.

      I’m the oldest sibling of three girls born into a middle-class family. We grew up living in the suburbs, safely hidden from the dangers of “the big city.” God, life back then had been a breeze. We walked to school, without fear of stranger danger, on sidewalks wide enough for three people to stand side by side, with shade provided by sprawling oak trees. We played with our friends—outside, mind you—until the streetlight in our cul-de-sac buzzed, ready to come on. We didn’t have electric gadgets to tether us inside, weakening our bodies and turning our minds to mush. Nope! We survived skinned knees and bike wrecks, eager to go out and do the same thing again the next day after school. We’d run to the house and land on the porch before the streetlight sparked to life and eat a home cooked meal at—of all places—the dinner table.

      We weren’t rich, like my best friend Elizabeth Gelmini’s family—they had a swimming pool and a tennis


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