Extended Summary Of Crucial Conversations: Tools For Talking When The Stakes Are High - By Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler. Sapiens Editorial

      DESCRIPTION OF THE ORIGINAL BOOK

      We have all suffered this situation: We try to have a sensible conversation about something important when suddenly a bitter fight breaks out. How is it possible that two people who are usually reasonable and pleasant, end up in a screaming competition, even when both have identical goals? The book Crucial Conversations investigates the root that causes these types of problems.

      Kerry Patterson and her team of co-writers and leadership consultants describe several techniques for effective negotiation and conflict resolution, all in the context of important potential life-changing conversations. You will learn the techniques to transform critical situations into something positive. By focusing on searching for solutions, you can prevent critical dialogues from becoming a meaningless struggle. You'll also find tips on how to redirect a conversation on the right track when things have already begun to falter.

      The book also emphasizes on some issues often neglected in negotiations, such as creating safe environments for others to express their authentic feelings and desires. The authors will explain how to remain alert to new possibilities or unspoken alternatives, including examples drawn from business and personal relationships: how to have a productive conversation with a irritable teenage daughter, how to criticize constructively without hurting the feelings of others, how to request a promotion, how to provide important information in a meeting or how to solve marital problems.

      John F. Kennedy, former president of the United States, once said: "Never negotiate on the basis of fear. But never fear to negotiate. " These wise words had not been as true as they are today in the current world of business. Many people recoil from the crucial conversations in which they must negotiate to get ahead. However, in business you do not get what you deserve, but what in fact is, negotiated.

      CHAPTER 01: THE CRUCIAL CONVERSATION

      Crucial conversations are those everyday interactions that significantly affect your life. Having little dexterity to handle them can lead to problems. Have you ever tried to have a conversation with your partner only to realize that you are fighting? Probably! Often, these kinds of circumstances can be classified as crucial conversations.

      Crucial conversations differ from ordinary dialogues in that the opinions of the participants vary, their emotions are intense and the interests involved are paramount.

      The way you deal with these highly relevant discussions will have a negative or positive impact on your existence. Some examples of crucial conversations are ending a relationship, asking our boss for job feedback or asking for a raise. People often flee from these conversations or handle them poorly when, in reality, the best way to manage such situations is to face the conversation and handle it with skill.

      A study of more than 20,000 people involved in organizations showed that the most influential individuals are those who have succeeded their goals and have built strong personal and professional relationships, thanks to their ability to expertly handle crucial conversations. They are skilled at discussing difficult or controversial topics.

      Therefore, it is desirable to master crucial conversations, because those successful professionals obtain success in all areas of their lives, from private to public. Cultivating this skill will increase your productivity because you will be equipped to deal with challenging issues in your relationships.

      On the one hand, it must be recognized that it is difficult to think rationally when we are being confronted in a conversation. Part of the difficulty lies in the adrenaline charge when our emotions intensify in order to sharpen our senses. The body is not able to distinguish between a heated argument and real danger, so prepare for a sudden flight or fight. Thus, in that fraction of a second when decisions are made, reasoning is usually sacrificed.

      This adds to the fact that important conversations tend to come unforeseen, without a single moment of preparation. Imagine, for example, that your partner is the one who tells you that they want to end the relationship. It is probable that instead of calmly discussing the pros and cons of the breakup, your instincts will cause the conversation to end in screaming; As it is an unexpected topic, your reaction will be completely spontaneous.

      CHAPTER 02: HOW TO RECOGNIZE A CRUCIAL CONVERSATION?

      We must be alert when a crucial conversation is coming. To achieve this, you must learn to recognize the signs that indicate when a conversation is becoming harmful. Pay attention to the content of the conversation while simultaneously perceiving key points, such as the reactions of the participants and their tone of voice.

      To generate a successful dialogue process, be quick and react before emotions increase and avoid a lost cause. Do not get involved in high interest conversations once they have turned into fights. This preventive measure is an initial protection, as a kind of "social first aid".

      There are unambiguous signs that will alert you if the time has come to act before the conversation becomes a problem. First, if your discussion involves diverse interests, intensified emotions and disparate opinions, these signals ensure that your conversation is becoming crucial.

      In such a case, look for and identify the following elements: physical signals, such as stomach tension; emotional cues, such as feelings of fear, anger or outrage; behavioral clues, such as raising your voice or pointing with your finger.

      If people show signs of insecurity, they may become quiet or reluctant to say what they think to protect themselves. In addition, they could show signs of aggressiveness, which is manifested by offensive words or authoritarian attitude.

      If you feel that you start to get stressed. Be cautious if you react silently (disguising your feelings or retracting) or violently (by being controlling or verbally attacking the other person).

      CHAPTER 03: WHEN DO THE BEST SOLUTIONS EMERGE?

      Imagine that a corporate vice president has some reservations about the move that the CEO of the company wishes to carry out. Other employees of the firm also fear the move, but do not dare to communicate it. During a crucial meeting, the vice president expresses his concerns in a quiet manner, although he is also powerfully diplomatic. Then, the CEO realizes that he tried to force his opinion on others and respectfully retracts.

      As it is concluded in the previous example, it’s essential, to be a master of crucial conversations, is the ability to start a dialogue. Basically, this means that you are able to motivate the interaction and talk freely with another person.

      When we feel that we are approaching a controversial topic during a dialogue, we are afraid to share our ideas or criticisms because we do not want to hurt the feelings of others. However, successful conversations and intelligent decision making depend on the information and knowledge shared by all participants.