The Clueless Baker. Evelyn Raab

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the Publisher.

Illustrations: Clive Dobson and George A. Walker

Cover design: Hartley Millson

The publisher gratefully acknowledges the financial support for our publishing program by the Government of Canada through the Canada Book Fund as administered by the Department of Canadian Heritage.

Published in Canada by

Firefly Books Ltd.

50 Staples Avenue, Unit 1

Richmond Hill, Ontario L4B 0A7

To my husband George, an enthusiastic (but brutally honest) guinea pig, who wouldn’t let me bake anything with cloves in it; and to my two intrepid sons, Dustin and Jared, who bravely struggled to try and keep up with the sheer volume of cookies that were produced during the writing of this book.

The oven looms before you. A darkened abyss. The gates of hell. You know — you just know — that whatever you put in there is doomed. Doomed and ruined. It will burn. Or collapse. Probably both.

Plus, your house will burn down. Which is just as well, because after the mess you made of the kitchen it would take ten lifetimes to clean it up, anyway. There is flour on the floor. Batter on the walls. Broken eggs in the sink (it was an accident). You’re missing a spatula (you pray it didn’t get baked into the cake). The phone is ringing, but you can’t find it.

Okay. Take a deep breath and relax. Help has arrived.

What you need are some decent recipes, a good attitude and a plan. Baking can be — should be — fun. Also easy. It should be neither traumatic nor terrifying. And at the end of it, you should have something delicious to eat. Which is, after all, the point of the whole thing.

Let’s begin with the plan.

Baking — The Eleven-Step Program

1 First, decide what you want to make. This is the easy part. Do you feel like brownies, or are you having a focaccia kind of day? Do you want to throw something together really fast, or do you feel like taking your time and wallowing in the experience? Make up your mind, would you, please?

2 Choose a recipe. This book is full of them.

3 Read through the recipe. Do you have all the ingredients you’ll need? Are you sure? Do you have the right size baking pan? Will you need an electric mixer? Blender? Baking parchment? Does the dough have to chill before baking? Rise? Meditate? How long does it have to bake? Will whatever-it-is be ready to eat right away, or will you have to let it cool? It’s all there in the recipe — just take the time to read it.

4 Preheat the oven. Now. Before you do anything else. Go.

5 Assemble the ingredients. Take every single ingredient out and arrange it in a tasteful and attractive manner on your kitchen counter. If you are an obsessive type, you might even measure the ingredients into individual bowls and set them out in the order you`ll use them. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.

6 Prepare your baking pan. Grease it, flour it, line it with parchment paper if the recipe calls for it. Have some bowls ready; get out your mixer (find the beater thingies!); grab the measuring cups and a spoon. You don’t want to be groping around your junk drawer for a spatula when you’re up to your elbows in batter.

7 Okay, now you can start. Begin at the beginning and follow the instructions exactly. This is no time to be creative. At least, not the first time. If you decide to bake the same thing again, you can be more adventurous — substitute ingredients, take liberties and go rogue. But follow the directions at least once — you may even learn something.

8 Keep your eye on the oven. Set a timer and make sure you can

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