Letters to My Son. Kent Nerburn

      Copyright © 1994, 1999, 2014 by Kent Nerburn

      All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, or other — without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

      Text design by Tona Pearce Myers

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

      First printing of 20th anniversary edition, May 2014

      ISBN 978-1-60868-280-5

      Printed in Canada on 100% postconsumer-waste recycled paper

New World Library is proud to be a Gold Certified Environmentally Responsible Publisher. Publisher certification awarded by Green Press Initiative. www.greenpressinitiative.org

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       For Nik, of course,and every father’s son

       “We are born male.We must learn to be men.”

      CONTENTS

Preface to the Twentieth Anniversary Edition

Foreword by Richard Carlson

Introduction

Prologue: A Father’s Wish

1. The Shadow of the Father

2. Man and Male

3. Strength

4. Rainaldi’s Lesson

5. Education and Learning

6. Work

7. Possessions

       8. The Miracle of Giving

       9. Money and Wealth

       10. Drugs and Alcohol

       11. Tragedy and Suffering

       12. Fighting

       13. War

       14. The Spiritual Journey

       15. Loneliness and Solitude

       16. Sports and Competition

       17. Travel

       18. The Blue Moment

       19. Leaving

       20. Craig’s Lesson

       21. The Power of Art

       22. On Loving Another Man

       23. Women and Men

       24. Falling in Love

       25. The Mystery of Sex

       26. Making Love

       27. The Haunted Heart

       28. Partners and Marriage

       29. Staying Faithful

       30. Fatherhood

       31. The Burden of Age

       32. The Gift of Age

       33. Death

       34. Embracing the Light

       Epilogue: A Father’s Reflection

       About the Author

       PREFACE TO THE TWENTIETH ANNIVERSARY EDITION

      An author’s books are like children. We give them birth, send them forth into the world, and watch anxiously as they struggle to find their place amid the confusion and cacophony of life.

      Letters to My Son was my literary firstborn. As all parents know, each child claims a special place in your heart. Letters to My Son has a clarity and earnest wonder that I would never achieve again. I love it dearly.

      It also set me on a course that has shaped all my subsequent writing. Though it has a purity and a style all its own, it showed me that I could and should — indeed, I must — write from my best self, eschewing cynicism, irony, and literary cleverness. It told me I was a writer of the heart.

      Now, twenty years and more than a dozen books later, Letters to My Son still watches over its literary siblings, demanding that they speak with empathy and caring, no matter what their voice or what their purpose.

      It also has found its rightful place in the world.

      It has become a trusted friend to single mothers who wish to pass a father’s words on to their sons, a guide to fathers looking to offer their sons a voice of clarity about life’s most important issues, and a companion for young men who want a thoughtful and caring helpmate on their journey toward a worthy manhood.

      Several of its chapters have taken wing on the internet and been embraced by people across the globe. The chapter on “Travel” has become a staple on the blogs of young people everywhere. “Partners and Marriage” and “Falling in Love” have been used in wedding ceremonies around the world. And “The Spiritual Journey” has become an anthem for spiritual seekers, both within and outside traditional religious denominations and faiths. British prime minister David Cameron even quoted from Letters to My Son in his 2011 Father’s Day address to the nation on the first anniversary of his father’s passing. Truly, this literary child has made its way in the world.

      In this twentieth anniversary edition I have not wanted to violate