Taming Your Outer Child. Susan Anderson

Taming Your Outer Child

PRAISE FOR TAMING YOUR OUTER CHILD

“This book will be an enormous help to anyone looking to let go of past disappointments and self-recrimination and get on with the essential work of healing, building boundaries, and acquiring the skills to reach your goals. I hope you will read it and do the exercises it provides.”

— John Bradshaw, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Homecoming

“Are you repeating unhelpful, destructive patterns of behavior? Anderson (The Journey from Abandonment to Healing). . .attributes this sabotaging behavior to your ‘Outer Child,’ a part of personality that takes over when your ‘Adult’ function is weak. . . .Anderson does not discount the role of past trauma but shows that self-defeating behavior can be changed without in-depth examination and resolution. VERDICT A helpful scenario, requiring determination and commitment, for dealing with difficult issues. This will appeal to readers seeking change.”

— Library Journal

“With more than 30 years experience working with victims of trauma, abandonment, grief, and loss, psychotherapist Anderson (Black Swan: The Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery) . . . explains how to redirect ‘fear and insecurity seeping out of your oldest wounds.’ ‘Abandoholism,’ she notes, ‘wins the hit parade on my website.’ With a program designed to undo primal fears, she tackles such topics as lowered self-esteem, lovesick feelings, food urges, diet, chronic depression, procrastination, heartache, and a primary source of conflict with relationships, ‘enormous emotional suction cups.’ She also examines brain activity and factors preventing the body’s production of such ‘yummy neurochemicals’ as oxytocin and vasopressin. . . . Readers under stress who are desperate for help will view this book as a valuable tool for healing.”

— Publishers Weekly

“The outer child is a bratty, angry drama queen who is responsible for unhealthful and unwanted behavior, according to the book. Anderson’s three-prong outer child recovery program consists of dialoguing, guided visualization and action steps. The second half of the book addresses special applications for the program, such as dieting, procrastination, debt and depression.”

— Washington Post

Taming Your Outer Child

ALSO BY SUSAN ANDERSON

The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Surviving Through—and Recovering from—the Five Stages that Accompany the Loss of Love

Black Swan: The Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery

The Journey from Heartbreak to Connection: A Workshop in Abandonment Recovery

New World Library14 Pamaron WayNovato, California 94949

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, or other — without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

The material in this book is intended for education. It is not meant to take the place of diagnosis and treatment by a qualified medical practitioner or therapist. No expressed or implied guarantee of the effects of the use of the recommendations can be given or liability taken.

Text design by Casey Hampton

Library of Congress Cataloging-in Publication Data is available.

First paperback printing, February 2015

ISBN 978-1-60868-314-7

Originally published in hardcover by Ballantine Books, New York, January 2011

(ISBN 978-0-345-51448-6)

Printed in Canada on 100% postconsumer-waste recycled paper

New World Library is proud to be a Gold Certified Environmentally Responsible Publisher. Publisher certification awarded by Green Press Initiative. www.greenpressinitiative.org

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

PAUL ASA COHEN

May 13, 1952–March 20, 2003

Author’s Note

PART ONE: GETTING TO KNOW YOUR OUTER CHILD

1. Welcome to Your Outer Child

2. Three Parts of the Personality

3. Exposing Your Outer Child

PART TWO: THE OUTER CHILD PROGRAM

4. Outer Child and Your Abandonment Issues

5. Outer Child and Your Self-Esteem

6. Outer Child and Your Future