Step Out of Your Story. Kim Schneiderman
• reassemble all the story building blocks into a new and improved personal narrative about the current chapter of your life; and
• if you wish, use the story structure to explore your larger life narrative and begin to come to terms with unresolved chapters.
Some Advice Before You Start
As I say, I’ve found there is a “best” or most fruitful approach to writing your story in this context. As you begin, keep these things in mind:
Complete the Exercises in Order
As a recovering self-help junkie and habitual flouter of convention, I understand the temptation to skip around, completing perhaps only those exercises that speak to you in the moment. However, because this book is designed as a progressive series of exercises that follows the arc of a story, I strongly encourage you to complete the exercises in order. With each exercise, you will acquire tools and insights that will assist you in completing subsequent exercises.
That’s not to say that you can’t complete the exercises out of sequence and be successful. Certainly, depending on how long you take to complete this process, the circumstances of your “chapter” may shift, requiring adjustments and revisions. However, if you don’t take too many breaks along the way, and if you define your chapter broadly enough, you should find that the basic elements — for example, the antagonist, the supporting characters, and the protagonist’s growing edges — remain relevant. If you do happen to stop partway through and pick up the book again after a long lag (say, over a year), I would recommend going back to near the beginning, either to the character sketch in chapter 2 or the plot summary in chapter 6.
Once you get the hang of the method, however, feel free to use this process more than once, perhaps skipping around to your favorite exercises or to those that you think will help provide needed insight into a given situation.
Use the Same Notebook for All Exercises
I also recommend using one journal, or one computer or laptop, to complete the exercises. Some chapters refer to previous exercises, and you will want all your work at your fingertips. If you’re like me, and you tend to use multiple notebooks, you may forget which one contains those inspired, middle-of-the-night epiphanies about your life purpose, and you may find yourself variously frustrated at different junctures. For example, chapter 7 asks you to identify the antagonist in the chapter 6 plot summary exercise, and you want to be able to turn to that plot summary immediately. Of course, you could write another summary, but consistency is preferred.
Write in the Third Person Unless Otherwise Directed
With a few noted exceptions (mainly for dialogues and at the very end), almost all the writing exercises are framed in the third-person voice. If you think, “Oh, I wasn’t expecting that. That’s not how I normally write, and I’m not even sure I’ll like it,” try it anyway. Whenever I announce in my workshops that we will be spending an afternoon writing in the third person, participants often give me strange, worried looks. But 9.5 times out of 10, they end up surprised by how much freer they feel to explore their stories from fresh angles and perspectives. Think of it this way: The first time you send a text message, typing with your thumbs seems counterintuitive, but eventually it becomes almost second nature. Similarly, writing in the third person may feel unnatural at first. But do it once or twice and you’ll get the hang of it and really enjoy it.
Don’t Worry about Writing Well
As I say, your masterpiece of living does not have to be, and isn’t meant to be, a masterpiece of writing. While I encourage word play from time to time, crafting crisp, clean sentences is not the point of the exercises. In this case, writing is meant to serve as a tool for self-discovery, not self-torture or eventual publication. That said, several people have found that the third-person format and story arc structure is a useful springboard for writing their memoir. I’m happy if this process helps you in that way — more power to you — but once again, it’s not the point.
If you find yourself obsessing about the right wording, or worrying about how things read or might sound to others, I invite you to stop, take a deep breath, and think about what your seven-year-old self would write. In my experience facilitating workshops, I’ve noticed that the written equivalent of stick-figure drawings may actually teach us more about ourselves than carefully crafted (and controlled) adult sentences. The goal is not writing well; the goal is self-discovery. The goal is to write powerfully and authentically.
Even though I have provided you with a solid framework from which to explore your story, creativity is not linear. If you get stuck, try using images and metaphors (mixed metaphors are fine; don’t fuss over them) to help you move on. When appropriate, you might answer questions in a list format instead of writing a narrative.
I also provide several writing examples to illustrate how to do the exercises. Students have told me they find the examples tremendously helpful, so please refer to them if you’re unclear about instructions. I also use the Wizard of Oz and other pop culture references to illustrate how some of my concepts show up in recognizable stories.
Follow the Yellow Brick Road
How do you begin this journey of personal transformation? One step at a time, and knowing that the journey itself holds the answers that you seek. As Dorothy learns, there is no Great and Powerful Oz who can whisk you away in a magic balloon and deliver you effortlessly to a happy ending. Instead, like Glinda the Good Witch, I offer you tools that will help you step out of your story, reclaim the power of your own voice, and find your way home by exercising your innate ability to be the master of your own magnificent work in progress. I also invite you to step into your power as a storyteller and spin doctor, fortified with the conviction that personal transformation is both literally and figuratively at your fingertips. All you need is a pen (or a keyboard) and a sense of adventure. So put on your story glasses, shift your perspective, and enjoy the journey!
EMBRACING THE STORY LENS ON LIFE
Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show.
— Charles Dickens, David Copperfield
Every life is an unfolding story, a dynamic, unique, purposeful, and potentially heroic story with bright spots, turning points, and abounding opportunities for personal growth and transformation. From the day we’re born, we become the star and spin doctor of our own work in progress, with the power to tell our stories as triumphs, tragedies, or something in between. Our story has supporting characters who provide love and assistance and antagonists who cause us to realize the substance we’re made of and what’s really important. Like stories, our lives are filled with suspense. Our personal decisions, both big and small, affect our storyline — the relationships we choose, how we spend our day, and how we nourish ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Yet few of us take time to explore the character we’re playing. We don’t stop to discover what our story is about, who’s writing our script, and how the challenges we face can help us develop the insights and skills we need to move to the next chapter.
Stuck in the same old story, many of us remain so entrenched in tales of victimization and martyrdom that we can scarcely imagine an alternate, positive, or redemptive reading of the text of our lives. Perhaps because we have been taught to view life through one particular lens, we simply don’t see other, more inspiring versions of our tale that could liberate us.
Whether we realize it or not, we are constantly sifting through various competing narratives to make sense of our world for ourselves and others — whether it’s describing our day to a loved one, explaining why we didn’t get promoted, sharing our political perspective, or justifying why we spend a fortune on organic produce.