Roots of Empathy. Mary Gordon
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Books of Merit
Roots of Empathy
ROOTS
OF EMPATHY
Changing the World Child by Child
MARY GORDON
Thomas Allen Publishers
Toronto
Copyright © 2005 Mary Gordon
First paperback edition © 2007 Mary Gordon
All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means—graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or information storage and retrieval systems—without the prior written permission of the publisher, or in the case of photocopying or other reprographic copying, a licence from the Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency.
Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Gordon, Mary, 1947–
Roots of empathy : changing the world, child by child / Mary Gordon.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-88762-278-6
1. Roots of Empathy (Program).
2. Emotional intelligence—Study and teaching (Elementary).
3. Parenting—Study and teaching (Elementary).
4. Aggressiveness in children—Prevention.
I. Title.
HQ769.G67 2007 372'.0114
C2007-903808-5
Cover image: Dick Loek
Song lyrics: “Turn this World Around (A Song for Nelson Mandela).” Words and music by Raffi, Michael Creber © 2001 Homeland Publishing. A division of Troubadour Records Ltd. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permissiion.
Published by Thomas Allen Publishers,
a division of Thomas Allen & Son Limited,
145 Front Street East, Suite 209,
Toronto, Ontario M5A 1E3 Canada
The publisher gratefully acknowledges the support of
the Ontario Arts Council for its publishing program.
We acknowledge the support of the Canada Council for the Arts, which
last year invested $20.1 million in writing and publishing throughout Canada.
We acknowledge the support of the Government of Ontario through the
Ontario Media Development Corporation’s Ontario Book Initiative.
We acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Canada through the Book
Publishing Industry Development Program (BPIDP) for our publishing activities.
11 10 09 08 07 1 2 3 4 5
Printed and bound in Canada
To my parents, George and Helen Dyer, who loved me well and would have been very happy to read this book.
Acknowledgements
To the thousands of parents who, with their babies, have volunteered the gift of their time to the Roots of Empathy family, thank you.
To all of the Roots of Empathy instructors, mentors, and trainers who have shared their stories, thank you. To the Roots of Empathy staff, whose energy and commitment light each day, thank you. A special note of love and thanks to the memory of Dr. Dan Offord, a founding board member whose influence led Roots of Empathy to become a research-based program. He encouraged me to measure what I treasure. A big thank you to Merrill Lynch, our first major corporate sponsor in Canada.
To our Board of Directors who provide unerring direction and support for the dream and the everyday construction of our yellow brick road, thank you.
To Susan Cook and her unfailing good humour, who, more than anyone else, has made this book happen—many thanks.
To Patrick Crean and Jim Allen, of Thomas Allen Publishers, who had faith in me and this project, your patience and encouragement during the writing of this book showed me what a civilized world publishing can be, thank you.
To Joan Green, who offered valuable feedback to the early drafts of the book and spent long hours in discussion with me. Thank you.
To Heather McFarlane and Christopher Sarson, old friends, supporters, and co-conspirators in the early development of Roots of Empathy, thank you.
To all of those who helped in many ways to deliver this story, thank you.
To my husband, Keith, for being my trusted sounding board. To my daughter, Melanie, for her endless patience and her help with writing. To my son, Eric, who inspires me on a regular basis, thank you.
To my oldest brother, Gwynne Dyer, for many hours of discussion, reflection, and cheerleading. To my sister Susan Knight, who never stops opening doors in my life. To my two younger brothers, Dave and Jeff Dyer, who helped me with strategy in the early days and every day offer their encouragement and love.
To my executive assistant, Sheri Fogarty, who came into the project late but consistently cleared a path for me and truly joins me in the ethos of this book. To Kathryn Martin for her brilliant editing and her quiet, nurturing ways. To Christine Boyer, who shared a love of children’s art with me and meticulously filed the children’s renderings, allowing my choosing of artwork for the book to be a delight.
To Caitlin Brubacher for her intelligent research, passion, and boundless good nature.
All proceeds from the sales of this book will be directed to Roots of Empathy to support the development of empathy in children so that they may change the world, child by child.
Contents
Foreword
Preface
2 Empathy: What It Is and Why It Matters
3 The Roots of Empathy Classroom: My Teacher Is a Baby
Section Two: The Six Strands of Connection
4 Roots of Empathy: Six Strands of Human Connection
5 Love Grows Brains: Teaching Children Neuroscience
6 Temperament: Getting to Know You
7 Attachment: Building the First Relationship
8 Emotional Literacy: The Language of the Heart
9 Authentic Communication: Speaking