Roughing It - The Original Classic Edition. Twain Mark

      ROUGHING IT

       by Mark Twain

       1880

       TO

       CALVIN H. HIGBIE, Of California,

       an Honest Man, a Genial Comrade, and a Steadfast Friend.

       THIS BOOK IS INSCRIBED By the Author,

       In Memory of the Curious Time

       When We Two

       WERE MILLIONAIRES FOR TEN DAYS.

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       ROUGHING IT

       BY

       MARK TWAIN. (SAMUEL L. CLEMENS.)

       PREFATORY.

       This book is merely a personal narrative, and not a pretentious history or a philosophical dissertation. It is a record of several years of variegated vagabondizing, and its object is rather to help the resting

       reader while away an idle hour than afflict him with metaphysics, or goad him with science. Still, there is information in the volume; information concerning an interesting episode in the history of the Far West, about which no books have been written by persons who were on the ground in person, and saw the happenings of the time with their own eyes. I allude to the rise, growth and culmination of the silver-mining fever in Nevada

       -a curious episode, in some respects; the only one, of its peculiar kind, that has occurred in the land; and the only one, indeed, that is likely

       to occur in it.

       Yes, take it all around, there is quite a good deal of information in the book. I regret this very much; but really it could not be helped: information appears to stew out of me naturally, like the precious ottar of roses out of the otter. Sometimes it has seemed to me that I would give worlds if I could retain my facts; but it cannot be. The more I calk up the sources, and the tighter I get, the more I leak wisdom. Therefore,

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       I can only claim indulgence at the hands of the reader, not

       justification.

       THE AUTHOR.

       CONTENTS.

       CHAPTER I.

       My Brother appointed Secretary of Nevada--I Envy His Prospective Adventures--Am Appointed Private Secretary Under Him--My Contentment Complete--Packed in One Hour--Dreams and Visions--On the Missouri River

       --A Bully Boat

       CHAPTER II.

       Arrive at St. Joseph--Only Twenty-five Pounds Baggage Allowed--Farewell

       to Kid Gloves and Dress Coats--Armed to the Teeth--The "Allen"--A

       Cheerful Weapon--Persuaded to Buy a Mule--Schedule of Luxuries--We Leave the "States"--"Our Coach"--Mails for the Indians--Between a Wink and an Earthquake--A Modern Sphynx and How She Entertained Us--A Sociable Heifer

       CHAPTER III.

       "The Thoroughbrace is Broke"--Mails Delivered Properly--Sleeping Under Difficulties--A Jackass Rabbit Meditating, and on Business--A Modern Gulliver--Sagebrush--Overcoats as an Article of Diet--Sad Fate of a

       Camel--Warning to Experimenters

       CHAPTER IV.

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       Making Our Bed--Assaults by the Unabridged--At a Station--Our Driver a

       Great and Shining Dignitary--Strange Place for a Frontyard

       --Accommodations--Double Portraits--An Heirloom--Our Worthy Landlord

       --"Fixings and Things"--An Exile--Slumgullion--A Well Furnished Table--The Landlord Astonished--Table Etiquette--Wild Mexican Mules--Stagecoaching and Railroading

       CHAPTER V.

       New Acquaintances--The Cayote--A Dog's Experiences--A Disgusted Dog--The

       Relatives of the Cayote--Meals Taken Away from Home

       CHAPTER VI.

       The Division Superintendent--The Conductor--The Driver--One Hundred and

       Fifty Miles' Drive Without Sleep--Teaching a Subordinate--Our Old Friend

       Jack and a Pilgrim--Ben Holliday Compared to Moses

       CHAPTER VII.

       Overland City--Crossing the Platte--Bemis's Buffalo Hunt--Assault by a

       Buffalo--Bemis's Horse Goes Crazy--An Impromptu Circus--A New Departure

       --Bemis Finds Refuge in a Tree--Escapes Finally by a Wonderful Method

       CHAPTER VIII.

       The Pony Express--Fifty Miles Without Stopping--"Here he Comes"--Alkali

       Water--Riding an Avalanche--Indian Massacre

       CHAPTER IX.

       Among the Indians--An Unfair Advantage--Laying on our Arms--A Midnight

       Murder--Wrath of Outlaws--A Dangerous, yet Valuable Citizen

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       CHAPTER X.

       History of Slade--A Proposed Fist-fight--Encounter with Jules--Paradise

       of Outlaws--Slade as Superintendent--As Executioner--A Doomed Whisky Seller--A Prisoner--A Wife's Bravery--An Ancient Enemy Captured--Enjoying a Luxury--Hobnobbing with Slade--Too Polite--A Happy Escape

       CHAPTER XI.

       Slade in Montana--"On a Spree"--In Court--Attack on a Judge--Arrest by the Vigilantes--Turn out of the Miners--Execution of Slade--Lamentations of His Wife--Was Slade a Coward?

       CHAPTER XII.

       A Mormon Emigrant Train--The Heart of the Rocky Mountains--Pure

       Saleratus--A Natural Ice-House--An Entire Inhabitant--In Sight of

       "Eternal Snow"--The South Pass--The Parting Streams--An Unreliable Letter Carrier--Meeting of Old Friends--A Spoiled Watermelon--Down the Mountain--A Scene of Desolation--Lost in the Dark--Unnecessary Advice

       --U.S. Troops and Indians--Sublime Spectacle--Another Delusion Dispelled

       --Among the Angels

       CHAPTER XIII.

       Mormons and Gentiles--Exhilarating Drink, and its Effect on Bemis--Salt Lake City--A Great Contrast--A Mormon Vagrant--Talk with a Saint--A Visit to the "King"--A Happy Simile

       CHAPTER XIV.

       Mormon Contractors--How Mr. Street Astonished Them--The Case Before Brigham Young, and How he Disposed of it--Polygamy Viewed from a New Position

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       CHAPTER XV.

       A Gentile Den--Polygamy Discussed--Favorite Wife and D. 4--Hennery for

       Retired Wives--Children Need Marking--Cost of a Gift to No. 6

       --A Penny-whistle Gift and its Effects--Fathering the Foundlings

       --It Resembled Him--The Family Bedstead

       CHAPTER XVI

       The Mormon Bible--Proofs of its Divinity--Plagiarism of its Authors

       --Story of Nephi--Wonderful Battle--Kilkenny Cats Outdone

       CHAPTER XVII.

       Three Sides to all Questions--Everything "A Quarter"--Shriveled Up

       --Emigrants and White Shirts at a Discount--"Forty-Niners"--Above Par--Real

       Happiness

       CHAPTER XVIII.

       Alkali Desert--Romance of Crossing Dispelled--Alkali Dust--Effect on the

       Mules--Universal Thanksgiving

       CHAPTER XIX.

       The Digger Indians Compared with the Bushmen of Africa--Food, Life and Characteristics--Cowardly Attack on a Stage Coach--A Brave Driver--The Noble Red Man

       CHAPTER XX.

       The Great American Desert--Forty Miles on Bones--Lakes Without Outlets