The Three Things Divorced Catholics Needs to Know. Mary Lou Rosien
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The Three Things Divorced Catholics Need to Know
By Mary Lou Rosien
Our Sunday Visitor Publishing Division
Our Sunday Visitor, Inc.
Huntington, Indiana 46750
Nihil Obstat
Msgr. Michael Heintz, Ph.D.
Censor Librorum
Imprimatur
✠ Kevin C. Rhoades
Bishop of Fort Wayne-South Bend
January 30, 2017
The Nihil Obstat and Imprimatur are official declarations that a book is free from doctrinal or moral error. It is not implied that those who have granted the Nihil Obstat and Imprimatur agree with the contents, opinions, or statements expressed.
Scripture quotations are from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible — Second Catholic Edition (Ignatius Edition), copyright © 1965, 1966, 2006 National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Excerpts from the English translation of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for use in the United States of America copyright © 1994, United States Catholic Conference, Inc. — Libreria Editrice Vaticana. Used with permission.
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Copyright © 2017 by Mary Lou Rosien.
Our Sunday Visitor, Inc. Published 2017.
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Our Sunday Visitor Publishing Division, Our Sunday Visitor, Inc.,
200 Noll Plaza, Huntington, IN 46750; 1-800-348-2440
ISBN: 978-1-68192-134-1 (Inventory No. T1860)
eISBN: 978-1-68192-138-9
LCCN: 2017931300
Cover design: Lindsey Riesen
Cover art: Shutterstock
Interior design: Dianne Nelson
Printed in the United States of America
About the Author
Mary Lou Rosien is a Catholic author, national speaker, and catechist. She is an RCIA coordinator, and she and her husband, Igor, are on the Pre-Cana team at St. Leo’s Church in Hilton, New York. They have seven children. Mary Lou has written dozens of articles for Today’s Catholic Teacher, AmazingCatechists.com, OSV.com, Catholicmom.com, and others. This is her second book published with Our Sunday Visitor. Visit her website at www.catholicfamilybootcamp.com.
Contents
Chapter One: Understanding What the Church Teaches about Divorce
Chapter Two: Lead Us Not into Temptation
Chapter Three: Should I Stay or Should I Go Now
Chapter Four: The Waiting Is the Hardest Part (the Challenges of Getting an Annulment)
Chapter Five: Finding Joy in Following Christ
Chapter Six: How Is the Church Trying to Help? Your Church Walks with You
Conclusion: Other Ways to Find Joy
Introduction
On my third wedding anniversary, my husband came to me and said he needed “to think some things out.” I remember being shocked at the seriousness of his expression and asked, “What if you can’t figure anything out?” He replied, “Then I will come back and we will figure it out together.” He kissed me, left the house, and disappeared for three days.
When he returned, he told me he wanted a divorce. I didn’t see it coming. I was completely dismayed and, in a state of disbelief, begged him not to do this to us. He ended our marriage anyway.
As a Catholic, the end of my union seemed unthinkable to me. I felt sad, lonely, confused, and abandoned. I couldn’t understand how a loving God could let this happen. One of the hardest parts of this break up was the emotional pain and isolation it caused me. I truly believed that it takes two people to make a marriage and, equally, two to break one. The reality that one person can end it all was very hard for me. I spent months going through all the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and, finally, acceptance (following the Kübler-Ross model).
I wish I could give those of you suffering through a divorce a quick way to fast-forward through this pain, but it takes time. I remember becoming so depressed that I wanted to give up. If I am completely honest, I even considered the thought of ending my own life at one point, but I had survived the suicide of my younger brother a few years before and knew firsthand the pain and devastation it caused. I also knew, deep down, that pain is an emotion. Emotions are not accurate in predicting the outcome of situations. Emotions change, and that is the thought I clung to in my darkest moments. I held fast to the family members I loved and committed myself to living so I would not be the cause of any more pain.
When the depression lifted, I was able to see my life as it was, and I made the decision to live my life in joy. (Surviving this suffering was the inspiration for my book The Joy-Filled Broken Heart, CreateSpace, 2016.)
Over the next few years, I would come to terms with the Church’s teachings on marriage, divorce, annulment, and remarriage. Eventually, I was trained as an annulment-case sponsor. This journey was difficult and, at times, frustrating.
In preparation for writing this book, I interviewed Catholics who have been through a divorce and discussed with them the many challenges presented through that process. I have discovered some common threads for those who found joy following a divorce. These commonalities center around handling — with the help of the Church — 1) Emotional hurt, 2) The annulment process, and 3) Separation from the sacraments. I hope