Essential Retirement Planning for Solo Agers. Sara Geber
us. During the years when parents are changing diapers, helping with homework, and playing chauffeur, those of us who are child-free are developing outside interests, deepening friendships, building careers, and sometimes playing a role in developing communities. Of course, parents also may have strong ties with friends and others who are unrelated, but they are rarely the primary connections in their lives.
Isolation and loneliness are the two biggest risks for poor mental health in later life.
The following diagram illustrates a typical social network for an older adult without children. As in the diagram of the older parent, the heavy, bold lines illustrate strong ties; the lighter ones illustrate looser, more tenuous connections.
Your own diagram may differ from this one. Everyone has a unique network because no two families are exactly the same, nor are any two individuals.
Research studies over the past twenty years tell us that older adults without children are no different in psychological well-being than those with children.8
Child-free adults have found ways to develop healthy social networks as well as methods for coping with difficult situations and solving thorny later-life problems. This healthy psychological make-up bodes well for our ability to cope with the challenges of being older … if we plan well. These studies also find adults without children are no less satisfied with their lives than older parents.
Isolation and loneliness are the two biggest risks for poor mental health in later life, but again, older parents can be as isolated and lonely as those without children.9 In fact, some parents reported greater loneliness than those who are childless when their expectations of their adult children went unfulfilled.
Life satisfaction, well-being, and good mental health in later life are all dependent on a social support system of one sort or another, and not necessarily from adult children.10 In the end, adult children are not a guarantee of safety and security in later life. At best, children are a safety net, which may or may not hold up under the weight of the many obligations that can be incurred.
What does all this mean? Those of us without children are as likely as our friends who are parents to be successful and satisfied throughout our lifespan. However, we need to figure out in advance how we will manage the challenges of aging and whom we can engage to help us.
The remainder of this book focuses on being proactive about planning—for where we will live, how we will manage our money, who will represent us when we can no longer speak for ourselves, and where we might turn for companionship in the future. Solving those riddles will be the key to our safety, security, and well-being in the latter decades of our lives.
Enjoying the Second Half of Life
Chapter 4. Happiness and Satisfaction
“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be.”
—Robert Browning
Adopting a positive attitude toward our own aging, and aging in general, is a key ingredient in happiness and satisfaction in our later years. This positive attitude requires us to see the “retirement” landscape as a blank canvas on which opportunities abound—for personal development, learning, travel, putting ourselves on the market as a “wise elder” (consultant), getting fit and healthy, volunteering for a cause we believe in, and so much more. Without children and grandchildren, you may have more opportunities (and time) for these explorations than your friends who are older parents. Maintaining a positive attitude will also help in the planning.
Planning is difficult, if not impossible, if we dread our future. If we see aging as a time of new horizons and prepare ourselves for the inevitable challenges, we will be in much better shape to face the future. The older we get, the more dramatically our lack of planning in our earlier days shows up. How young and invincible we were! Luckily, planning for our future is always possible. Unless you are reading this book at one hundred (or more) years of age, you still have time to plan—for the next year, the next decade, or the next half of your life. Estate planning, financial planning, and care planning are the big three in the legal arena, but your planning should not end there. You also need to do some planning for your social and community involvement.
Whether you are still pursuing your career dreams, making money part-time, or living in full retirement from the paycheck world, pursuing something that gives your life meaning and purpose is important for everyone. Does it mean you have to fill a fifty-hour week with philanthropy work or volunteer at five different charities? For some, the answer may be a resounding “yes,” but if you cringe at the thought of doing this much “work,” there are endless other possibilities for you to consider, whether you say goodbye to your midlife career at fifty, seventy, or even later.
Our social network is an area of life begging for a better strategy. Planning may seem counter-intuitive in this context, but knowing something about who will be part of our future is critical. In the first half of life we form friendships and connections to people we encounter, people whose values and interests align with ours, people who are engaged with life in a way we want to emulate, and people who appear to enjoy our company and have a similar desire to get closer. When we get closer, we call them “friends.” These people are then in our “inner circle.” Some people have lots of relationships; others select and nurture only a few. At some point, we might transform a relationship into a lifelong partnership or marriage. Also, in our inner circle are family members. For those without children, the inner circle usually includes parents and siblings, and later may include nieces, nephews, and cousins. Most people look at relationships as chance occurrences or serendipity, but I believe we should be more proactive, especially as we get older.
Whether or not you find happiness and satisfaction in the second half of life will depend on how you handle a number of criteria. In my work with people over fifty, I have found there are six important elements to a fulfilling life in later decades:
1.Financial security
2.Commitment to good health and physical well-being
3.Self-awareness
4.Adaptability and flexibility
5.A strong social network
6.Religion, spirituality, or a belief system larger than yourself
I used to include “fun” on the list, but I realized that when my clients could claim they were in possession of all or most of this list, fun naturally followed.
For those who are child-free, some of these six will be more challenging, and some will be less challenging. In the next few chapters, I expand on each of these, in terms of how they relate to those of us without adult children.
“A big part of financial freedom is having your heart and mind free from worry about the ‘what-ifs’ of life.”
—Suze Orman
Financial advisors and financial planners are my partners in helping people plan for a sensible and satisfying life after retirement. I recommend you seek out one of these professionals to help you analyze your current financial position. They will use sophisticated software tools to help you determine where you stand today and what you must do to have a secure financial future. Online calculators are also available for those who want to attempt the analysis on their own, but for most people, working with a professional yields much more reliable results.
Whether you work with a professional or do it yourself,