Salvation on the Small Screen?. Nadia Bolz-Weber

      Copyright © 2008 by Nadia Bolz-Weber.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

      Cover design by Rob Carmichael

       Cover photos by Janet Loo

       Interior design by John Eagleson

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      Bolz-Weber, Nadia.

       Salvation on the small screen? : 24 hours of Christian television / by Nadia

       Bolz-Weber.

       p. cm.

       ISBN 978-1-59627-086-2 (pbk.)

       ISBN 978-1-59627-194-4 (E-book)

       1. Television in religion - United States. 2. Television broadcasting-

       Religious aspects - Christianity. I. Title.

       BV656.3.B65 2008

       269’.260973-dc22

      2008024254

      Seabury Books

       445 Fifth Avenue

       New York, NY 10016

       www.churchpublishing.org

       For Matthew, my long-suffering husband, without whom I would not have the most beautiful things in my life

       Contents

       Introduction

       5:00 a.m. The Stranger (Seriously, my Savior would not wear bangs)

       5:30 a.m. Paula White Today (Boosting God’s self-esteem)

       Intermission Reflection on the Blank Screen Simul lustus et Peccator

       6:00 a.m. Jesse Duplantis Ministries (Being Charlie in God’s chocolate factory)

       6:30 a.m. Enjoying Everyday Life with Joyce Meyer (Am I a victorious, powerful, stomp-on-the-devil’s-head Christian?)

       7:00 a.m. Changing Your World with Dr. Creflo Dollar (Resisting the cherry danish with God’s help)

       7:30 a.m. John Hagee Today (At the Ethan Allen Middle East Apocalyptic NewsDesk)

       8:00 a.m. Breakthrough with Rod Parsley (Do the prayer line people have to use stripper names?)

       8 30 a.m. Today with Marilyn and Sarah (I didn’t know stickers could do that)

       9:00 a.m. Believer’s Voice of Victory (“The Secret,” televangelist-style)

       Postscript: My Sister Emails in Solidarity

       9:30 a.m. Best of Praise the Lord ( Siegfried and Roy go to Burning Man)

       11:00 a.m. Behind the Scenes (Liberals in heaven?)

       11:30 a.m. Paula White Today (Forgetting about kangaroos)

       12:00 p.m. Life Today (In the down-homey log cabin of millionaires)

       Intermission Reflection on the Blank Screen The Grassley Six

       12:30 p.m. This Is Your Day with Benny Hinn ( Catching the mic in one smooth motion)

       1:00 p.m. The 700 Club (Pentecostal Romper Room)

       Intermission Reflection on the Blank Screen What Are People Getting Out of This?

       2:00 p.m. John Hagee (How is a frozen pizza recall “news,” or “Christian,” or “Christian news”?)

       Intermission Reflection on the Blank Screen What Makes Something “Christian”?

       2:30 p.m. Breakthrough with Rod Parsley (l wonder if̶Raise eyes to heaven” was on the teleprompter?)

       3:00 p.m. Praise the Lord (PTL) (Don Ho sings the bad theology ofyour childhood)

       Intermission Reflection on the Blank Screen Prayer

       5:00 p.m. Ancient Secrets of the Bible ( CorningWare is ruined for me)

       5:30 p.m. Rediscovering the Kingdom with Dr. Myles Munroe ( Religion as government)

       6:00 p.m. Behind the Scenes (I think all this anointing has just given me the runs)

       Intermission Reflection on the Blank Screen Christology, Pneumatology, and the Absence of Language

       6:30 p.m. The Hal Lindsey Report (Meet my dad)

       7:00 p.m. Joel Osteen Ministries (McPreachy’s good-time prosperity piñata)

       7:30 p.m. Ever Increasing Faith (Every word in the Bible is true. We know this because the Bible says it’s true, and, as we already said, every word of the Bible is true.)

       8:00 p.m. Praise the Lord (Heartbreaking, inspiring, limbless day on PTL)