Dirty Ground. Kris Wilder
he’s about to lose or drag you unwillingly into, your best friend coming off a bad drug trip (which would make him a druggle technically), your teenage son throwing things and breaking furniture in a hormonal rage, your suicidal sister with a bottle of champagne and a handful of sleeping pills, or even your idiot fraternity brother with a gun.
These are all situations where you know the other guy (or gal) needs some type of adult “spanking,” which is both warranted and necessary, and you’re the one who has to mete out that punishment, or “time out” or whatever you want to call it. The key is that you are neither participating in a sports competition nor engaging in combat to defend your life or that of a loved one, but rather you are squarely in that shadow region that lies in the middle of those two extremes. Characteristics of a drunkle situation include:
• You are related to, or friends with, the drunkle.
• You feel it is appropriate to intervene in order to stop the drunkle from doing something stupid, harmful, or violent.
• You would prefer that the drunkle not to be arrested for his actions, hence unwilling to simply stand by and let someone with authority intervene (or there’s no time for that).
• Because of your relationship with the drunkle, you believe that it is unlikely that he would press charges against you once sobered up (assuming you are able to control him without breaking him).
• You don’t mind so much if the drunkle is hurt (pain) by what you must do, but you strive to avoid causing any serious or lasting injury (damage).
Sometimes resolution is as simple as a light touch on the drunkle’s shoulder (or a swift kick to his shin) to warn him against whatever he is about to do. Other times dragging him away from the problem and giving a stern lecture can be effective. Oftentimes, however, these situations require forcefully putting the drunkle on the ground and holding him there for a while. That’s one of the best ways to contain a bad situation without injuring anyone. When it works.
You do need a certain level of skill and sobriety to pull it off. The bad news is that such actions can be physically dangerous for both of you (not to mention your relationship). Your edge in skill and sobriety makes you responsible (ethically at least) both for the technique you choose to put him on the ground as well for the results of his landing there. If you do it right, you can usually get away with it. Physically. If you’re lucky he may even thank you for what you did the next day too (but don’t count on that).
There is one other potential piece of good news as well. There’s no guarantee, of course, but law enforcement officers tend to be pretty understanding of these situations too. It won’t look good when they first see you sitting on the drunkle, but oftentimes they will cut you some slack once they learn what took place. If you are sober, didn’t actually hit the drunkle (or at least did not draw blood), and are able to explain the situation articulately, you are likely to avoid being arrested (or at least being prosecuted).
As mentioned previously, this isn’t sport, but it isn’t combat either. It’s that wide gap in between where much social violence occurs. You don’t want or need to kill the other guy or put him in the hospital. In fact, you probably don’t even want to bust him up (well maybe you want to, but prudence dictates that you shouldn’t). Most times you’re hoping to maintain an ongoing relationship with him. Consequently, successful resolution means that everyone goes home safely afterward with nothing worse than hurt feelings and a few bruises.
I was sitting in my living room watching television when I heard a loud crash followed by the sound of breaking glass outside. Looking out a window I saw a teenage saggy pants, ‘banger wannabe walking up the street with an aluminum baseball bat in his hands. Every time he passed a car he’d take out a side-view mirror, headlight, or window with a swing. Realizing there was only a dozen feet between this hooligan and my car I dashed out the door to confront him.
“What the hell are you doing?” Not the best way to deescalate a bad situation, but in the spur of the moment I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Fuck you!”
“Stay away from my car.”
“What part of ‘fuck you,’ don’t you understand asshole!”
“Put down the bat.”
“Like hell. I’m gonna shove it up your ass until you choke!”
Well, that wasn’t going very well. I considered drawing my gun when he swung at me a few heartbeats later, but punk was much younger than I was and I didn’t think that blowing his head off would play well in the press despite the fact that he was armed with a bat. Besides, for a martial arts instructor and firearms expert, I really am a pretty non-violent guy. I had enough experience with weapons that I thought I had a pretty good idea of what to do.
In my sword training, there was a tandem drill that taught us how to use range and angle to avoid a strike. As the blow comes toward us, we shift slightly out of range to keep from being hit, then follow the weapon back in to counterattack before it can be redirected. Although it is a sword-to-sword drill, I figured that the same principles would apply to an unarmed confrontation against a bat as well.
Assuming I could use the same technique to disarm this kid without either of us getting hurt, I prepared to do so. Unfortunately, he wasn’t on the same lesson plan. As I shifted out of range, he let go of the bat, something I’d never seen done with a sword. People only throw their weapons in the movies. Or so I’d thought. Unfortunately the bat flew a short distance through the air and rapped me across the head and shoulder with stunning force.
Before I realized what had happened I was on the ground. I don’t remember falling, yet once I hit the ground I still had the presence of mind to scissor his legs, knocking him down before he could do anything worse. I followed up by grabbing a hold of one of his feet, pulling him in, and simultaneously kicking him in the ‘nads to end the fight. I was still seeing stars when he staggered to his feet and lurched away.
Pretty cool, huh? Heroic even. The badass black belt gets whomped upside the head with an aluminum baseball bat yet perseveres and manages to take out the bad guy. Yeah, right. It was one of the most dumbass things I’ve ever done. Seriously.
Here’s the deal: whenever you go hands-on there are consequences. In this case it was mild concussion and a bunch of scrapes and bruises. Not too bad. I’ve had worse in training, but it could very easily have been catastrophic. What if he’d staved in my skull with the bat? What if the he’d hit his head on the curb when I knocked him down? Or broke his neck during the fall? Or, what if the cops had decided to push the issue when they showed up half an hour later and referred me for prosecution…
“What?” you ask. “Why would they prosecute me? I was the good guy!” Well, not really. The kid with the bat wasn’t the only one who had broken the law… (And I can say that now since the Statute of Limitations has run its course.)
Okay, we’ve covered the drunkle, so now let’s take a hard look at fighting and self-defense. While this brief overview is no substitute for a holistic understanding of the law and a competent attorney to represent you in court, the following information may keep you from needing to hire one. Maybe. Consider it a place to start.
Self-defense is an affirmative plea. That’s a huge freaking deal. It means that instead of the burden of proof resting with the prosecutor, you being innocent until proven guilty and all that, it shifts that burden to you. In other words, you tell the judge and jury that you did it (“it” being killing, maiming, assaulting, or whatever the other guy), but that you had a really damn good excuse.
“Yup, I killed him your honor. But he tried to kill me first…” It’s actually a hell of a lot more complicated