Little Cat. Tamara Faith Berger
‘Please. Stop.’
‘Why are you shaking?’
‘I didn’t tell you what he did with the pictures.’
‘Let me guess. He blackmailed you.’
‘Blindfolded.’
‘Brilliant!’
‘I started to hallucinate. It was like the space under my eyes got white. It was like being outside, like a river was rushing close by and I felt something squirming up against my back, as if I was lying in the gunk of the earth. The ropes were still burning my gut but I felt something cold and curling, like it was trying to get up under me. Like it wanted food. Like a million tiny snakes were moving toward my thighs. It got sharp there, underneath me, like their mouths were open, like all their tiny teeth were starting to bite me and it was all focused at my cunt. They wanted the skin and juice of me. I was arching my back, trying to shake the pain off my skin, but I was squeezing my thighs, squeezing inside, trying to not let them go in, but I kept getting wetter and wetter, they were slipping inside me, the million tiny snakes … I was going to come. I was on the verge of the biggest come of my life. ‘
‘And what happened?’
‘I heard stomping downstairs. It broke me. I mean, I couldn’t see. And there were people downstairs banging at my door! A bunch of them pounding up the flight of stairs, my front door was fucking open and I heard them running down my hallway and there I was, I was blindfolded, tied up, flat on the floor, squeezing my thighs – god, I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t help it!’
‘Hey, you’re okay now. You’ve already said the worst.’
‘No no no! I haven’t! He was laughing, they were all laughing at me like that. There were at least four guys in my room. I heard him coming over to me. He was whispering to the other ones, watching me there. I was cold everywhere, I wanted it to stop.’
‘Why didn’t you just say that?’
‘Because I was too in it. Can’t you see that I was in it?’
‘In what? I don’t fucking understand.’
‘The guy stroked my hair. I thought it was his fingers. I couldn’t see. He pressed into my cheeks, my lips, my whole face, and he said,I brought them back for you. Here she is.’
‘That’s creepy. Didn’t you think that was creepy?’
‘The men were breathing around me. I couldn’t help it. My body was leaking open through the spaces in the rope. I knew they were all looking at me. My pussy was growing between my crushed legs … Men’s breathing rushed at me, it was stuffy and sweaty, filling up the room. They were crouching around me, I could feel them coming in for me, and they started touching me, their heads and hands leaning in. They first started pinching my tits. They said, Look, she’s moving her hips! I knew that they were all going to do it to me. They kept pinching me and laughing, Look, she wants it. And I felt a cock press between my thighs. I knew it wasn’t his. And he told the rest of them, Hold her legs up in the air! I got stretched from underneath. It was like I had wings coming out from my pussy or something. My whole stomach started throbbing through the rope. I knew those men saw everything about me right then … ’
‘Wait. Wait. You really liked it?’
‘I felt like the one I loved, I mean, he was there too, he was directing it with all those others. I was opened for him. I didn’t know if he was turned on or turned off. I didn’t know if he liked me like that or hated me: tied, wet and eyeless, in front of those guys … I wanted to know how far it would go in front of him.’
‘Man … ’
‘They were holding my legs up in the air. Cocks poked underneath me, guys grunted, Look, she loves it, look at her go, her hips are so wild, look at her now! I was getting fucked and this cock dropped into my mouth and I sucked and they kept on, they kept on, pressing my ass and pressing my cunt and one of their bodies slid underneath me and one went on top and they both drove up me and I felt them inside me. I didn’t know which part was in and which part was out. I was the centre for all of them fucking. Over and over each time it felt better, each time it got worse. I knew this was it. Getting fucked by so many, being seen, being known … ’
‘You really liked it. That’s incredible.’
‘Yeah. And then, I mean, I was ready for it to stop. I remember how I opened more to try to stop it, and it felt like my heart was rushing too hard. My stomach started bubbling. I thought I was going to shit or piss. Something started filling the backs of my eyes, my ass was my cunt and my cunt was my ass. It was like I was tied to a stick in the ground. I was tied to a stick as they punched holes in this earth!’
‘God, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s okay. Look, I’m sorry. Let’s get up.’
‘No. You don’t get it. It just makes me see that sex is always like this!’
‘But you said you loved that guy!’
‘I did!’
‘Come on, don’t cry. Please.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Why did you stay there? Why didn’t you leave?’
‘Have you ever loved someone who didn’t love you back?’
‘No. I don’t know, maybe I have … ’
‘Talking about him makes me … ’
‘Look, let’s stop talking about it. Let’s get up. I should go now.’
‘It doesn’t matter who fucks me! You or him or all of them! I know that guys think they fuck me, but guys who think they fuck me think they know what they’re doing when they don’t, they really don’t! The morning beside them always stinks. It’s that stink of men in their sleep and all I want to do is get out of their bed.’
‘But … ’
‘I don’t want to see myself in the morning. Looking down between my legs. I know there’s stuff dripping out from me, even in the morning, my cunt is still wet. I don’t know why my cunt is still wet! I mean, I know what’s happened in the middle of the night, I know what happened with all those men. But my body awake, in the morning, it’s like it’s bloated from the feelings. I am heavy and wet and my body wants to fuck again. It’s never enough! It’s like my cunt has taken in all the thoughts I didn’t speak. It’s like it has drowned all my need in itself! Don’t you see what I am saying?’
‘No. No. I have to go … ’
‘The only thing I feel after sex is: this is how I have to fuck.’
‘I’ve got to go. I’ve really got to go now.’
‘No! No, you can’t go. Don’t go now! One more time. Please. Come on.’
‘I don’t know, after that story, I mean, I can’t.’
‘Please.’ Why do girls always say please?
The girl was licking her thumb. Both of us were sweating, a cold kind of sweat. She started rubbing her lips in circular motions on my cheek. Her saliva was burning. She was making my face wet like hers.
Then she wrapped her thighs around me. She took both my hands and put them on her breasts. Please, she moaned again, really sexy this time, like there was something in her throat. She was making me feel like I was being let out of a cage. My fingers were twisting her nipples, my mouth was on her neck. I felt how her hips were churning like a motor, it was making me hard. She was using her wet fingers to rub between her thighs.
Fuck me, she mouthed.
And then she pushed herself up onto her hands and knees. Her ass was toward my face. She looked like an animal. I saw her ass and pussy spreading. This blaze went ripping through my groin.
‘C’mon, fuck, fuck,