Welcoming a New Brother or Sister Through Adoption. Arleta James

      Jessica Kingsley Publishers

      London and Philadelphia

      Permission has been granted by Josh Kroll, of NACAC, for use of “What Am I Willing to do?” chart in Chapter 4.

      Permission has been given by Dr. Wayne Deuhn for use of “Family sexual policies” list in Chapter 5.

      Permission for the charts in the Appendix has been obtained from Zero to Three: National Centre for Infants, Toddlers, and Families, the Child development Institute and Toddler Adoption: The Weaver’s Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best (London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers).

      First published in 2013

      by Jessica Kingsley Publishers

      116 Pentonville Road

      London N1 9JB, UK

      and

      400 Market Street, Suite 400

      Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA

       www.jkp.com

      Copyright © Arleta James 2013

      Foreword copyright © Gregory C. Keck 2013

      Front cover image source: iStockphoto®. The cover image is for illustrative purposes only, and any person featuring is a model.

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form (including photocopying or storing it in any medium by electronic means and whether or not transiently or incidentally to some other use of this publication) without the written permission of the copyright owner except in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, Saffron House, 6–10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Applications for the copyright owner’s written permission to reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to the publisher.

      Warning: The doing of an unauthorized act in relation to a copyright work may result in both a civil claim for damages and criminal prosecution.

      Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

      James, Arleta M., 1960-

      Welcoming a new brother or sister through adoption : from navigating new relationships to building a loving family / Arleta James ; foreword by Gregory C. Keck.

      p. cm.

      Includes bibliographical references and index.

      ISBN 978-1-84905-903-9 (alk. paper)

      1. Adopted children--Family relationships. 2. Adoptive parents--Family relationships. 3. Brothers and sisters--Family relationships. I. Title.

      HV875.J364 2013

      362.734--dc23

      2012041428

      British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

      A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

      ISBN 978 1 84905 903 9

      eISBN 978 0 85700 653 0

      Printed and bound in the United States

      This book is dedicated to my family: my father—resting in peace, my mother, and my two sisters.

      Contents

       Foreword by Gregory C. Keck

       ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

       Introduction

       1“I’m Getting a Brother or Sister!”

       Kids Develop Expectations Pre-Adoption

       2“My New Brother or Sister Experienced Trauma”

       What Does that Mean?

       3“Yes, We Brothers and Sisters Need Information”

       Pre-Adoption Preparation

       4“I Am a ‘Quality’ Parent!”

       Reviewing and Refining Your Parenting Strengths

       5“Finally! My New Brother or Sister Is Arriving!”

       Planting the Seeds that Grow Post-Placement Attachments

       6“After He Came, Everything Changed!”

       Common Post-Placement Challenges

       7“My Brother or Sister Won’t be Living with Us Anymore”

       Disruption, Dissolution, Displacement, and Other Leavings

       8“Help Me Cope, Please”