Take Her Man. Grace Octavia

      Kensington Publishing Corp.

       http://www.kensingtonbooks.com

      For my sisterfriends who have

       made this journey much sweeter,

       this road a little longer,

       but certainly worth the road trip.

      Acknowledgments

      Following Father God, there are so many people who have helped this book come to fruition. At the top of this list is my grandmother, Julia Elizabeth Reid, who read every page, every day and has always encouraged me to follow my dreams. My agent and former colleague at Simon & Schuster, Tracy Sherrod, for her invaluable support and advice throughout the years. The entire editorial team at Kensington including Selena James, who has remained patient with me throughout this process and Mercedes Fernandez, who listened to my sob stories over the phone. Stacey Barney for first believing in my project and helping resurrect it from my mental grave. My sistergirl readers—Monica Harris, Naima Cochrane, and Daheli Hall for giving me honest feedback.

      To the accidental philanthropists who kept money in my pockets and fed me when I needed it—Garry Harris of HTS Enterprises, the English Department at Clark Atlanta University, Yvette Caslin, Munson Steed and the entire rolling out team, Raymond Williams, Tamika Maxwell, Duane Nix, Lou Matthews, Omar Imhotep Bowles, Shorter College, Julius Kevinezz, Sadiqa Banks, and countless others. Thanks for the support!

      To my family. First, this would not be possible without my parents—Michelle Williams and Calvin Reid. Who I am is who you two were, and I am eternally grateful. May you both rest in peace knowing that your fruit is growing strong. My brothers and sisters—Cindy, Kenyair, Eric, and Jacala. My Aunt Tina, nieces and nephews, uncles, cousins and extended members of my family who have listened to my stories when people just called them lies (remember the story of the pink elephant I saw, Gracie?). I can’t name you all, but know that you are always in my heart.

      To my instructors and classmates in the writing classes at all of the schools I have attended. Thanks for forcing me to get the work done and encouraging me to continue to grow in the craft. At New York University I developed my creative talent, at the University of Georgia I learned to trust my talent, and at Georgia State University I have learned to control it. I am still getting better. You all are the best. Special thanks to Judith Ortiz Cofer whose kind words will never leave me, and Sheri Joseph, Josh Russell, and Reginald McKnight, who devoted so much time to reading my work and giving feedback, it still surprises me.

      To the strong men in my life who laugh at my jokes and make me feel brilliant and beautiful. Jamison, Dwayne W, Erskine, Richard, John S., Jojo, Jerrod, Monty, Lavington, Kamau, Rasheed, Lemuel, Mr. B, Uncle Sam, Uncle Al—you all show me what true men of purpose exemplify, and the positive men in this book are my letter of love to you.

      To my church family at First Iconium. Debbie Copeland who always looks for me in the pews and Reverend McDonald for connecting me to the spirit. That Sunday blessing keeps me grounded.

      To fellow writers and people within the industry—don’t stop the dream. Ronda P, Trae, Isoul, Raqiyah, Ivory, Rodney, and many others. Keep making noise and believing in what you do.

      I have saved the sisters for last. As I once heard Dr. Beverly Guy-Sheftall say, the bond of sisterhood has been the tool that made the obstacles of life bearable for women of color. Sisters keep you sane. I happen to have the best sisters in the world and this book is dedicated to all of you—seen and unseen. First, to my sisters of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated, who have remained consistent comforters in my life—especially those of the Epsilon Tau Chapter in New York City. Thank you all for being an endless supply of fodder for the book—Tanya G., Carinda, Sasha, Danielle, Tanya D., Keya, Frankie, Tyritia, Stephanie L, Aretha, Chastin, Sharee, Ifill, Timyiaka, Tanny, and Krista. The list is endless but I pray you know how much I miss you all. Your emails and kind words always mean so much to me. To my Southern Belle Delta crew—Billie, Felicia, Shamita, Crystal, Renita—you ladies are also a barrel of laughs. The NYU Rubin Hall ladies, Bobby, Tasha, Chika, LaChrista, and Kamal—where do we go next? To my running buddies Tiki and Valeasia—all the talking we do should count for something. Essence T., Kaia Shivers (the other negress), and my other baby sisters of Xi Gamma and Pi Pho—love you much.

      Finally, to the sistermothers who make this joy of being a black woman immeasurable. Toni Morrison, bell hooks, Oprah Winfrey, Angela Davis, Alice Walker, Shirley Chisholm, Halle Berry, Sapphire, Nikki Giovanni, Terry McMillan, Dorothy Height, Ruby Dee, Judith Jamison, Aretha Franklin, Maya Angelou, Johnetta Cole, Gloria Wade Gayles, and Pearl Cleage, I too “speak your names” and am so proud to walk in your paved steps and dare to dream a dash beyond them. You amaze me to tears, and do it with the kind of spiritual grace that proves to all why we are still “ego tripping.”

      Thank you.

      Ain’t no woman in her right mind gonna sit back and let another woman come in and take her man—if he’s really worth having.

      —Millie Jackson

      Contents

      Prologue

      I’m Not Crying…It’s the Wasabi in My Eyes

      Meet the 3Ts: Troy, Tasha, and Tamia

      The Babbling Bourgeois Baboon vs. the Democrat Octoroon

      It’s Ladies Night…But I’m Not All Right

      The Plan

      Jesus Loves Harlem, Too

      The 3T Intervention

      Step One: Light as a Feather (Not Stiff as a Board)

      Step Two: Change, Change, Change

      Step Three: Say You, Say Me

      How to Kill Two Birds with One Lip Liner

      Girl Fight

      Bloody Mary and the Soap Opera Baby

      One Confused Man and One Confused Womb-Man

      3T Guy Lie List: Twenty-one Slick Signs of Shammery

      Step Four: Fella’s There’s a Jealous Boy in This Town

      Smart Girls Rule

      Amen, That Man Is Mine

      Mother Still Knows Best

       (The Remix)

      Where My Girls At?

      Out with the Girls, L.A. Style

      Hangover

      Step Five: The Damsel in Distress

      Step Six: Let Your Feelings Be Known

      It’s a New Day

      Epilogue

      Prologue

      Put the Jimmy Choo on the Other Foot

      Iknow what you’re thinking: How does a fine, successful, educated sister find herself mixed up in a situation where she actually believes she has to try to take her ex-boyfriend back from another woman? Shoot, I’d be thinking the same thing if the Jimmy Choo was on the other foot, so I can’t even blame you for initially judging me. I mean, if I would’ve heard any other sister even whisper the words “Take her man,” I would’ve immediately asked her what kind of ghetto situation she was involved in. What happened to black sisterhood? We’ve come too far to be scratching each other’s eyes out like there’s