Thrills of a Bell Boy. Samuel E. Kiser
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Samuel E. Kiser
Thrills of a Bell Boy
Published by Good Press, 2019
EAN 4064066135157
Table of Contents
I.
GEE! There’s a call from seven-forty-eight—
That’s Miss Le Claire; she wants some ice, I’ll bet;
She stars in “Mrs. Middleton’s Regret.”
And when you mention peaches—say, she’s great!
If I could marry her I guess I’d hate
To have to do it—nit! I’d go and get
A plug hat and a fur-trimmed coat and let
The guy that’s managin’ her, pay the freight.
They say she gets a hundred dollars per;
I’d like to draw that much a year or two.
They’d know I’d been around when I got through.
I wish the dude that comes here after her
Was in my place and me in his—I’d stir
Things up around this town. I wouldn’t do
A thing but buy her everything I knew
She didn’t have but might be wishin’ fer.
She rung fer me to get some stamps, and when
I took them up she says, “Just wait a bit.”
She put one on a note and handed it
To me to mail—and he come in just then
And grabbed the thing—I’ve heard of crazy men,
And I know when it’s up to me to quit:
She had him goin’ groggy when I lit,
But, blame the luck, they’ve made it up again.
II.
IF I could have my choice I wouldn’t be
The main guy of a kingdom—nix fer me.
I’d only wish that I could be as great
As one of these gay boys from up the State
Imagines that we think he is when he
Tilts back his hat and lights his cigarette
And does the pouter-pigeon act; I’d let
Them have their thrones if I could be as grand
As these boys think they are when they “run down”
On business trips and let their chests expand
And act as though they’d come to buy the town.
The minute one of them gets in he shies
Around the telegraph girl, makin’ eyes
And wantin’ to know what it costs to send
Ten words to Saugatuck or Brady’s Bend,
Or dictates to the shorthand girl and tries
To make her think he’s Mike from Up-the-Crick—
It’s easy work to spot these Johnnies quick:
They try to mash the chambermaids up-stairs,
And buzz the news-stand lady, and I s’pose
They think that we all think they’re millionaires—
Hello! There that sweet little actress goes.
III.
I WENT to see the show last night, the one
She’s playing in, you know, but all the fun
I thought I’d have was spoiled, confound the luck,
I bought a forty-cent bouquet to chuck
Down at her when the second act was done.
I got a seat in front, all right, and, oh!
How grand she looked away down there below!
I thought of angels every time she’d look
Up at the gallery—but when I let
My flowers tumble down the villain took
And give them to the putty-faced soubrette!