The American College of Switzerland Zoo. James E. Henderson
to get into as many coeds’ pants as possible during the upcoming year. I drank a beer but stayed out of the conversation. I didn’t figure that being a Quaker virgin would play well in this crowd. The local Swiss beer, called Feldschlösschen, was a little more bitter than German beer but not bad, especially after the second one. We were drinking it warm, but even in the local bars it was never served cooler than a wine cellar.
Chapter Six
Princesses and Goddesses
Other than Nonni, the nonstop-talking, southern bell I had met on my first trip up the mountain to visit ACS, and Donna, the cute, well-rounded blonde at the hotel, I had yet to meet many coeds at school. The first meeting occurred after Wilds and I climbed the cowpath from the dorm and walked through the rotating door on the front of the school. As we entered we saw the Fab Four standing regally on the balcony overhead. Both of us stood there with mouths open and eyes bulging, looking at the four slim, mini-skirted girls who looked like actresses standing on the set of a James Bond movie. All four had long, straight blonde hair, although each had a different tone as if the studio’s hairdresseser had selected their colors so no two were alike. Then the makeup artist had outdone herself highlighting their eyes. My Quaker relatives would have been shocked, but on these princesses the makeup perfectly enhanced the size and shape of their blue eyes. Actually one had brown eyes, but for me a blonde with brown eyes was an even bigger turn-on! My very first girlfriend in second grade had that combination. Years later I learned that her mother had bleached her hair, but that didn’t change the effect that combination had on me now.
Each of the Fab Four had matching shoes and purses that complemented their outfits and wore dangling earrings and expensive but not showy jewelry. But what caught my attention, after their long blond hair and longer legs, were their pert breasts, slim hips, and even slimmer waists. Ouch! I started rethinking the sanity of my current life-decision while imagining each of them naked! It shook me to my Quaker roots. Other than in movies, the shortest skirts I’d seen were an inch or two above the knee, and dangling earrings were forbidden at boarding school. The principal had explained that they drove men to distraction. Well I was distracted, but it had little to do with the earrings!
Of note, the haughty attitude of two of these princesses led them to disaster. I never learned their names because within the first month, they were caught shoplifting in one of the local cities and expelled from Switzerland. Only Dee-Dee, the brown-eyed one, and Lenore made it through the year. While these princesses were surely Stallone’s, or Bernd’s targets, therefore out of my league, their image would haunt my fantasies for several years.
One other thing was flashing through my mind while I stared at the Fab Four. I had had many relationships in high school; in fact, as a senior with multiple sports’ letters, I was in demand. But freshman year in college was hard! I was low man on the totem pole, looked even younger than my age, and even playing on the JV soccer team hadn’t raised me to a level that brought any female attention. I was hoping to stage a comeback during my sophomore year, but with Stallone and the legendary studs in the men’s dorm, these princesses in the girls’, I was worried that I was way out of my league!
The Fab Four were not the only beautiful girls I saw that day. In fact, after the princesses came the goddesses: blonde Andrea with her lash-veiled, bedroom eyes, Pat with her long auburn hair, Gretchen and Nancy with their long dark brown hair, and Carol with her short cowl of black hair that glinted red in the sun were equally beautiful and even more unassailable. Each one had a mature poise that made the Fab Four seem almost childlike in comparison.
And not all of the girls were gorgeous; some were exotic! Tiny Tyng had her long dark hair, dark skin, almond-shaped eyes, and small round breasts. Spanish Miriam had even longer black hair, almost black eyes, and the erect posture of a flamenco dancer. Irish Colleen had shoulder-length raven black hair that framed her ivory skin and intensified her green eyes. It was several months before I realized she was from the U.S. Penny from the Virgin Islands had skin darkened and hair bleached by the intense sun of the islands and a body that had to look fantastic in a bathing suit.
These girls were so extraordinary that my nineteen-year-old brain couldn’t see past the exterior. Nor was I invited to join any conversation where I might have learned more about them. For now, they were only colors and shapes – incredible shapes…
Then from the exotic to the truly strange, there was Alice. Her real name was Susan, but everyone knew her as Alice, as in “Alice in Wonderland.” Alice was a tiny blonde, four-foot eight-inches tall, who wore baby doll clothes, walked in tiny Mary Jane shoes, carried a tiny purse, and took tiny steps through her own tiny world. At first sight, she and the long-haired Mod Baby John collided like opposite poles of magnets brought too close together and were not parted again for the entire school year.
There were a few good all-American girls like Donna from the hotel. Jana had very long dark brown hair, enormous brown eyes, and a smile for everyone. Paula, with her short brown hair, had almond eyes and dusky skin that could have come from some foreign land, and she seemed to make friends with everyone. Sam with shoulder-length brown hair and haunted eyes had a way of finding all the parties. These and many other first-year girls were bright, enthusiastic, and ready to start the school year. The second-year girls, like slim, bubbly Tita with her short blonde hair that never seemed to hold a given shape and slimmer, athletic Kaeti with her long straight light brown ponytail that fell almost to her waist, were more reserved. Both were wary of getting too close to the guys. Likely due to living through the previous year’s mating season – but I will get to that later…
I forgot to mention the college’s twins: Judy and Sally. They were both lovely all-American blondes with gorgeous bodies that no one ever got near. The biggest studs tried and failed. They lived with their parents somewhere on the mountain and were seen only in class and for short periods at the special occasions. I got to know Judy a little because she was a member of the Searcher’s club, a kind of select debate/discussion club that met in the evenings for several weeks in the dead of winter and talked about life, birth, death, infinity, and whatever else happened to pop up. Judy was Magna Cum Laude at graduation with her 4.0 GPA. Sally was seen so infrequently that she may have dropped out.
The thing that was evident about the students at this school was that they were from money, perhaps even Wealth. They were the kids of the Jet Set, with parents who had multiple homes and traveled the world. Some had the money and power to be appointed as officials at the European embassies, others thought nothing of flying their sons or daughters to a school in Europe for a year or two, and still others were wealthy Europeans and Middle-Easterners who wanted their sons or daughters to learn American ways on an Alp in Switzerland. The few military brats, like me, who happened to be living with their parents in Europe and, therefore, found this college economically practical, were the minority.
Chapter Seven
The Zoo and Its Keepers
At first the academic side of the college seemed pretty normal, but I soon began to wonder about my classes and the staff. Rumor was that the school was registered as a business in Switzerland. My first thought was that its classes were structured around the U.S. criteria, and may not have met Swiss standards. However, I soon found out that the college wasn’t accredited in the U.S. I phoned my parents when I learned this, and they contacted my stateside college, which agreed to accept my courses when I returned provided they offered something similar. Did I mention that ACS was a junior college and only had a two-year curriculum?
And then there was the staff and faculty… The staff was local and apparently pretty shrewd businessmen. I only got to know a couple.
President Arnold was a short, mustached gentleman with a big belly. So big, in fact, that the underground school paper was titled “The Gut.” This rotund gentleman gave the appearance of a classic figurehead, and I didn’t get to know him well. That is until he started teaching judo. Only then did I get a clue of The Gut’s hidden power.
I did, however, get to know the academic dean quite well, unfortunately. Dean Zagier was a very short rat-faced man. The joke around school was that he was so short that he had to look up to Alice. The truth was he wasn’t much taller.