Morphine the phantom of love. Ром Амор
know we won’t–’
‘What if I leave?’
‘Where to?’
‘Just vanish. What will you do then?’
‘I’ll find you.’
‘What if you don’t?’
‘Then I’ll make you look for me.’
‘How?’ she asked puzzled and a gentle smile lighted her face.
‘I’ll simply disappear, and one day you will remember my love for you and realise that no one had ever loved you as I had.’
‘Vova,’ she paused for a moment, ‘I’m so happy to have you.’
‘Does that mean that you won’t be leaving anywhere?’ I asked teasingly.
‘No, silly,’ she said as she punched my hand with her small fist. ‘And don’t you dare leave either.’
‘And if I do?’
‘Then I will forever be alone.’
‘Wouldn’t you try to find someone else?’ I said pulling her leg/tauntingly.
‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because you’re in my heart forever. And even if you are gone, I won’t dare give this place to anyone else. I won’t dare touch someone’s lips, give sweet names to another man. I will not let anyone else touch me. And spending cold evenings alone, I would reminisce how you had replaced the whole world for me. Not just the world, the entire universe.’
‘Enough,’ I interrupted her. I felt uneasy at the thought that we might part. ‘We’ll always have each other, no matter what happens, no matter what.’
I kissed her cheek and, hugging her around the waist, stood behind her.
‘Look, over there, the Dnieper meets its inlet,’ I extended my arm to the south.
From my parents’ balcony, there is a wonderful view of the Andriivskyi Descent and of the reviving Dnieper in the spring.
“The exact same view, but such different emotions,” I thought as I stood alone on the sun-bathed balcony. “I did not believe it, but you still left… If only you knew Marina, how indifferent I am to this entire universe without you. Without you…”
My lips let slip a few phrases, and the careless wind carried them away, around the corner of the house, and further away, maybe to the edge of the earth, where the world ends and the entire universe begins.
Chapter 4
I would wake up and stroke her chestnut hair, cover her shoulders with kisses, explore the curves of her dormant body with my hands, while she hadn’t yet opened her eyes from her slumber and she was not bestowing on me her tender gaze. A wave of pleasure would sweep over us; we would hide in the sheets. I would enter into her looking straight into her eyes. She would extend towards me and fall back down. I would hold her in my arms, taking pleasure in the movement of our bodies, the meeting of our souls. She would cry out my name in orgasm, and after a moment in fear.
We were in some dark deep waters. She was drowning, gasping for air. I tried to dive deeper towards her, but something prevented me from reaching her. Marina was stretching out her arms to me, but no matter how hard tried, I could not reach her. She was calling out, but I could not make out her words. Water was filling her lungs. She was going deeper and deeper, dissolving in the darkness. The water prevented me from reaching her, as if something was keeping me at a distance. I felt like my body was not responding to my mind. She was almost gone. I filled my lungs with the seawater, hoping to follow her. Something pushed me to the surface. Gasping for air, I flung my eyes wide open.
It was just another nightmare. I tried to pacify my heartbeat. Fragments from my dream would keep playing over and over again in my head. I leaned back on the sheets of my cold bed, stroking the space around me. She was not there. Never again will the woman I love lay there.
I would close my eyes and go back to her.
‘It’s only a dream’ Marina said as she stroked my head, like the mother of a frightened child, ‘a bad dream.’
‘You were slipping from me,’ I hugged her tighter.
‘I’m always here. I’m always with you,’ her lovely voice whispered to me.
‘Always with me,’ I muttered in my dream.
Chapter 5
The kitchen was a complete mess. It has been a long time since I had not cooked a proper meal for myself. Usually, I oatmeal with nuts and fruit did it for breakfast. Sometimes, I replaced that with an omelette and sausages. In short, whatever would take less time to prepare. My lunch always consisted of a sandwich and a coffee. When for dinner, I enjoyed deliveries. I loved Italian pizza and Chinese noodles. Of course, they were not brought in from Italy or China, but for the price of a coupon. These were the lavish dinners of a bachelor.
I was preparing steak with fried potatoes. Last night’s dream would not leave me. Outside the window, the thermometer had rocketed to seventeen degrees above zero, and it was only March.
“I’d love a drink,” I thought as I opened the bar. “Not much of a bar though.” There was a bottle of expensive rum that has been lying around for seven years, and a cheap bottle of wine. It was not lunchtime yet, so I left the rum there for another year or so and uncorked the wine bottle.
The steaks were starting to burn, and as if out of spite, the doorbell rang.
‘Coming!’
I quickly scraped off the pieces of meat from the pan and transferred them to a plate. I wiped my hands and headed to open the door for the uninvited guests.
‘Good day. My name is Valeria. Friends call me Valerie,’ said a smiling girl as she extended her right hand. ‘You are my new painting teacher.’
It was the same beautiful girl who had called me rude a few days ago.
‘Are you going to ask me in?’ she asked as she lowered her hand without waiting for my shake.
‘Yes, of course.’ I stepped aside letting my pupil in. ‘Rude?’ I asked smiling.
‘It seems so.’ Valerie nodded, and we both laughed.
‘To be honest, I was expecting you at three.’ The fingers of my hand reached for my eyebrows.
‘My dad was giving me a lift. He has some business today in downtown. We do not live close to the Andriivskyi Descent, so I tagged along. But if I’m too early, please let me know,’ she said as she moved slowly back to the door. ‘I can take a walk around here and come back in an hour.’
‘Oh, no. That won’t be necessary,’ I said trying to remedy the situation. ‘I’ve just made lunch. If you’re hungry, I’d be glad to share it with someone.’
‘Mmm…’ She closed her eyes and inhaled the smell of the food, adding: ‘I haven’t had a burnt meal for a while. So be it. I’ll keep you company.’
She laughed and without waiting for my help took off her coat, put it on the couch and ran to the kitchen.
‘How can I help?’
‘No need. I’ve already burnt what there was to burn.’ We both laughed. ‘Have a seat at the table.’
I served her a plate and one for myself.
‘Oh, that’s too much for me.’
‘It’s fine, you don’t have to finish it if you don’t like it,’ I reassured her.
‘You haven’t introduced yourself,’ the girl said boldly, looking straight into my eyes.
‘Vladimir.’
‘Patronymic?’
‘You can call me by my first name.’
‘You, too.’
She