Once Pined. Blake Pierce
enjoyed being Judy Brubaker.
People liked Judy Brubaker.
She was moving briskly around the empty bed, straightening sheets and plumping the pillows. As she did so, she smiled at the woman who was sitting in the comfortable armchair.
Judy hadn’t decided whether to kill her or not.
Time’s running out, Judy thought. I’ve got to make up my mind.
The woman’s name was Amanda Somers. Judy found her to be an odd, shy, and mousy little creature. She’d been under Judy’s care since yesterday.
Continuing to make up the bed, Judy began to sing.
Far from home,
So far from home —
This little baby’s far from home.
Amanda joined in with that small, reedy little voice of hers.
You pine away
From day to day
Too sad to laugh, too sad to play.
Judy was a bit surprised. Amanda Somers hadn’t shown any real interest in the lullaby until just now.
“You like that song?” Judy Brubaker asked.
“I suppose so,” Amanda said. “It’s sad, and I guess it fits my mood.”
“Why are you sad? Your treatment’s over and you’re going home. Most patients are happy to go home.”
Amanda sighed and said nothing. She put her hands together in a prayer position. Keeping her fingers together, she moved her palms away from each other. She repeated the movement a couple of times. It was an exercise Judy had taught her to help the healing process after Amanda’s carpal tunnel surgery.
“Am I doing this right?” Amanda asked.
“Almost,” Judy said, crouching beside her and touching her hands to correct her movements. “You need to keep the fingers elongated, so they bow outward. Remember, your hands are supposed to look like a spider doing pushups on a mirror.”
Amanda was doing it correctly now. She smiled, looking rather proud of herself.
“I can really feel it helping,” she said. “Thanks.”
Judy watched Amanda continue to do the exercise. Judy really hated the short, ugly scar that extended along the lower part of Amanda’s right hand.
Unnecessary surgery, Judy thought.
The doctors had taken advantage of Amanda’s trust and credulity. She was sure that less drastic treatments would have worked as well or better. A splint maybe, or some corticosteroid injections. Judy had seen too many doctors insist on surgery, whether it was needed or not. It always made her angry.
But today, Judy wasn’t upset just with the doctors. She felt impatient with the patient as well. She wasn’t sure just why.
Hard to draw out, this one, Judy thought as she sat down on the edge of the bed.
During their whole time together, Amanda had let Judy do all the talking.
Judy Brubaker had plenty of interesting things to talk about, of course. Judy wasn’t much like the now-vanished Hallie Stillians, who’d had the homey personality of a doting aunt.
Judy Brubaker was at once plainer and more flamboyant, and she usually wore a jogging suit instead of more conventional clothes. She loved to tell stories about her adventures – hang gliding, skydiving, scuba diving, mountain climbing, and the like. She’d hitchhiked across Europe and much of Asia.
Of course, none of those adventures had really happened. But they made for wonderful stories.
Most people liked Judy Brubaker. People who might find Hallie a bit cloying and sugary enjoyed Judy’s more plainspoken personality.
Maybe Amanda just doesn’t take to Judy, she thought.
For whatever reason, Amanda had told her almost nothing about herself. She was in her forties, but she never said anything about her past. Judy still didn’t know what Amanda did for a living, or if she did anything at all. She didn’t know whether Amanda had ever been married – although the absence of a wedding band indicated that she wasn’t married now.
Judy was dismayed by how things were going. And time really was running out. Amanda could get up and leave at any moment. And here Judy was, still trying to decide whether to poison her or not.
Part of her indecision was simple prudence. Things had changed a lot during the last few days. Her last two killings were now in the papers. It seemed that some smart medical examiner had detected thallium in the corpses. It was a worrisome development.
She had a teabag ready with an altered recipe that used a little more arsenic and a little less thallium. But detection was still a danger. She had no idea whether the deaths of Margaret Jewell and Cody Woods had been traced back to their rehab stays or to their caregivers. This method of killing was becoming riskier.
But the real problem was that the whole thing just didn’t feel right.
She had no rapport with Amanda Somers.
She didn’t feel like she even knew her.
Offering to “toast” Amanda’s departure with a cup of tea would feel forced, even vulgar.
Anyway, the woman was still here, exercising her hands, showing no inclination to go away just yet.
“Don’t you want to go home?” Judy asked.
The woman sighed.
“Well, you know, I’ve got other physical problems. There’s my back, for instance. It’s getting worse as I get older. My doctor says I need an operation for it. But I don’t know. I keep thinking that maybe therapy is all I need to get better. And you’re such a good therapist.”
“Thank you,” Judy said. “But you know, I don’t work here full time. I’m a freelancer, and today’s my last day here for the time being. If you stay here any longer, it won’t be under my care.”
Judy was startled by Amanda’s wistful gaze. Amanda had seldom made eye contact like this with her before.
“You don’t know what it’s like,” Amanda said.
“What what’s like?” Judy asked.
Amanda shrugged a little, still looking into Judy’s eyes.
“Being surrounded by people you can’t fully trust. People who seem to care about you, and maybe they do, but then again, maybe they don’t. Maybe they just want something from you. Users. Takers. A lot of people in my life are like that. I don’t have any family, and I don’t know who my friends are. I don’t know who I can trust and who I can’t.”
With a slight smile, Amanda added, “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Judy wasn’t sure. Amanda was still speaking in riddles.
Does she have a crush on me? Judy wondered.
It wasn’t impossible. Judy was aware that people often thought she was gay. That always amused her, because she’d never really given any thought to whether Judy was gay or not.
But maybe it wasn’t that.
Maybe Amanda was simply lonely, and she’d come to like and trust Judy without her even realizing it.
One thing seemed certain. Amanda was emotionally very insecure, probably neurotic, certainly depressive. She must be taking quite an array of prescription medicines. If Judy could get a look at them, she might be able to come up with a cocktail especially for Amanda. She’d done that before, and it had its advantages, especially at a time like now. It would be good to skip the thallium recipe this once.
“Where do you live?” Judy asked.
An odd look crossed Amanda’s face, as if she were trying to decide what to tell Judy.
“On