The Summer We Loved. Wendy Jones Lou
he first came to work at St Steven’s. She had forgotten how his moods could flip like a light switch. Five long years he had been out of her life. But not any more. And now she had become one of those sad women who look at a man and think they can change him. Like she was so special that he would do anything just to be with her! She rolled her eyes at her own folly. Why was she always so weak when it came to him? Her heartbeat surged faster every time he was near. She had learned to be strong before, hadn’t she? But strength hadn’t brought her happiness. Could it eventually set her free?
The shift rolled by, mundane, nothing special, but that night Jenny felt uneasy. The fact that she was noticing little changes, subtle details about him, made it clear to her that her heart was still in peril. So to protect herself she made a solemn promise. Not until she was convinced he wanted her, really wanted her, not just her body, but all of her. Would she let him in? And she was determined to stick by this. She wobbled at the thought of a single night of unbridled passion with Pete, something so many others had known. No, she couldn’t. She had learned the consequences of that one a long time ago. For her it had to be different. She had to be sure… should ever the occasion arise.
He was looking as though that cloud was back over his head again today, she wrote in her diary that night. How I wish I could brush away those cobwebs. Take him in my arms and feel his weight against me.
Turmoil raged within her. Her romantic heart beating wildly against her mind. Be strong, Jen, she thought. You mustn’t forget. As Flis had found out, loss of hope would be far worse than this.
The next morning she was on an early and the ward was bedlam. The anaesthetist for Mr Hammond’s list had failed to turn up for work and so everyone had been delayed while the doctors shifted around to cover them. Jenny checked the chart. Friday – am - Dr Florin. Pete was meant to be gassing that morning; it was Pete who hadn’t turned up for work. Probably woken up in the wrong bed, she thought.
Jenny had hoped he’d have grown out of this behaviour by now, but it seemed not. She remembered he’d got into trouble more than once for having too many days ‘sick’ last time he was around. She wanted to be angry at him, shirking his responsibilities. It went against every principle she held to, but she couldn’t. She would get Kate to have a word with him again when she got back from her holiday. The two of them seemed to get on well together. Maybe she could do something to sort him out.
That evening a group of nurses were planning to meet up in town and then head over to Helix for Maisie’s hen night. Sadly, Jenny was starting to feel a little old to show her face in a nightclub, especially on a Friday night. She probably had ten years on the majority of those there, but she was happy enough to go for a drink beforehand.
Heather and Chloe, her two other housemates, knocked on her bedroom door. “Come on, Jen. We don’t want to be late. Flis’ll want to hear all the juicy gossip when she gets off work later. Hurry up,” they called.
Jenny opened her door and beamed. She scrubbed up pretty well, even if she did say so herself.
“Wow, you look great,” Heather said, just as a horn blared outside. The two young nurses squealed. “The taxi!” and they hurried out to get started on their evening.
Jenny stood in the doorway of the Swan Inn and looked around. She was wearing a short brown leather jacket, skinny blue jeans, heels and her diamond stud earring in the top of her ear. She spotted the group of nurses out celebrating the impending wedding and a cheer went up as the three of them joined in.
Jenny was enjoying the evening, having a laugh and a drink with the girls, and on the way to the toilets, she spotted a face she knew. It was Pete, but not the Pete she was used to. He was sitting in a dark corner, his eyes empty, lost somewhere in a world of his own. Gone were the smiles and charm of the daytime. His expression was dulled and his shoulders hunched. What could have happened? She had just decided to go over and talk to him when he looked up and spotted her. A look of defiance lifted his chin and he grabbed the woman clearing the table, hauling her onto his lap, and in the blink of an eye there he was again: the charmer, springing back into action. Jenny walked on. Of course, she thought. As if he would ever be lonely!
Later that evening, as the others made their way on to the nightclub, Jenny walked outside to catch a cab home, and standing on the pavement waiting for her ride, she looked back through the window and noticed Pete, still in the same place he’d been sitting all evening, his head, once again, hung over his pint.
It was a more sombre note she wrote in her diary that night.
Today his eyes were downcast and his features drawn, and yet still he had the power to turn my bones to jelly. I wonder what has happened. Why was he missing at work today and why was he all alone on such a lovely summer’s evening?
Maybe I’m just kidding myself, looking for a reason to feel sorry for him. He could easily have been meeting some beautiful woman a little later on, for a night of fabulous, raw, all-consuming passion. Passion… with Pete. I bet he’s good… He should be. He’s had enough practice!
But he didn’t look happy. Why wasn’t he happy? He’s gorgeous. He’s got a body to die for, beautiful eyes, handsome and clever. Everybody likes him. Why wasn’t he happy?
If only Kate was here, instead of halfway round the other side of the world, she could have spoken to her about it.
Jenny put the cap back on her pen, slumped against her pillow and stared at the ceiling. So many of her friends had been happily married off in the past few years. She’d lost track of the number of weddings she’d been to. Only a few of them remained single now - a dying breed. Even fickle old Flis had a steady boyfriend. She felt old.
The hospital was full of pretty young nurses now too. Of course they weren’t half so good at nursing, she thought, not like in her day. Training had been far better when she had come through, but they would learn.
Sharing a house with a couple of young nurses brought it home to her every day, the difference in mind-sets. If Pete was still single, if he was single, he was never going to look at her now. She thought back to all the stupid stunts she had pulled in her younger days, all in the pursuit of happiness. You couldn’t win love. She had learned that now. You just had to wait and hope that it was given.
Still, it was only a matter of time until he would be moving on again. Then maybe she could try and find love in other places, in men who didn’t make her stomach dance every time they walked in the room and who couldn’t make her fingers tremble at the sound of their voice.
Time. Time was a cruel thing. In the years since they had first met, Pete had only managed to look more and more attractive. But he was the complete opposite of what she needed. ‘Dependable’ and ‘committed’ were not words to be associated with the dashing Dr Florin. Caring of his patients, yes. Brilliant at his work, maybe. But not reliable. Not solid. But with all his faults, and she knew they were many, Jenny still longed to make him happy, to watch those eyes shining with delight, to see him smiling back at her like they had done once before, a long time ago, and to tell him how much his words had meant to her.
*
Pete walked in and looked over her shoulder. “Where have you got to?” he asked.
“Just about to start on you,” she said.
He winced. “Can I get you a cup of tea? I was just about to make one.”
Jenny turned around and looked at him. “Tea would be lovely, thank you,” she said. “Now push off. I can’t concentrate with you hovering around, looking over my shoulder.” She smiled.
“I’m going, I’m going,” he told her and winked before he closed the door, and then she was alone again.
*
Pete didn’t know what all the fuss was about. All he had done was offer to buy the girl a drink. There was no need to go all macho over it. Besides, she hadn’t exactly said no, had she? In fact, she seemed quite keen on the idea of the two of them getting it on, he’d thought. So she had a boyfriend, so what? It wasn’t like they were married, or