White Rose Of Winter. Anne Mather
lips parted on a gasp of horror, and then without another word she brushed past her mother-in-law and opening the panelled doors left the room.
In the comparative peace of her own room she stood in the centre of the floor fighting for control. This would not do. She would achieve nothing by being emotional. She needed time. Time to think this out; to adjust to her new circumstances; to endeavour to salvage something from the wreckage of her hopes for the future. By behaving foolishly now she could destroy any chance of herself and Emma leading a normal life.
She looked down at her hands. The palms were damp, and there was a film of sweat on her forehead. The thought of food, of sitting down at a table with Lucy Pemberton was intolerable right now, and on impulse she unzipped her dress and was about to step out of it preparatory to taking a cooling shower when the door of her room opened without warning and Robert stood on the threshold glaring at her.
‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’ he bit out savagely. ‘Halbird is waiting to serve dinner, and I’ve got to go out.’
Julie held the two sides of her gown together behind her back, aware that his painful scrutiny missed little. ‘I’m not stopping anything,’ she said. ‘Let your mother have her dinner. I couldn’t eat a thing.’
‘For God’s sake, Julie, be reasonable!’ Robert cupped the back of his neck with his hands as though it ached. ‘I’m trying to be patient. Now, I’m asking you – not telling you, or commanding you, but asking you to go and eat dinner with my mother and try and behave as though none of this had ever happened.’
Julie’s long dark lashes glittered with unshed tears. ‘You’ve got to be joking!’ she choked.
‘But don’t you see? It need not have happened this way. If you’d only been prepared to accept—’
‘Your charity, Robert?’ She held up her head. ‘No, thanks, I could never accept that.’
‘Then in God’s name, what do you plan to do?’ Robert advanced into the room, half-closed the door, and then opened it again as though having second thoughts.
Julie stood her ground. She would not allow him to intimidate her. She must not. ‘I – I don’t know yet. Maybe I’ll have to accept your plans for Emma, but I – I don’t intend to remain dependent upon you.’
Robert frowned. ‘What will you do?’
‘I’ll get a job. If you’ve employed a governess for Emma, my presence is going to be incidental for most, or at least part, of the day. What do you expect me to do, Robert? Twiddle my thumbs?’
‘I expect you to behave as the widow of Michael Pemberton should behave – with respect, and decorum.’ Robert’s gaze raked her. ‘What have you done all these years in Malaya? How did you fill your days?’
Julie moved uncomfortably. ‘That was different. I – I had a home. A husband and family to care for.’ She turned aside, unable to bear the penetration of those grey eyes, unknowingly revealing to him the vulnerable nape of her neck, and the pale tan of the skin of her back where her dress was unfastened.
‘You still have a family,’ muttered Robert harshly. Then more huskily: ‘God, Julie, why are you so thin? How long is it since you had a good meal?’
Julie realized her state of undress with some embarrassment and turned to him abruptly. ‘Will you please go away and leave me alone? I – I’m tired. I’d like to go to bed.’
‘Julie—’ he was beginning, when there was a sound behind them and looking beyond Robert, Julie saw her mother-in-law standing in the doorway.
‘Robert!’ his mother exclaimed in annoyance. ‘Are you still here? I thought you must have gone. I was just coming to see what Julie – was – doing—’ Her voice slowed as she, too, took in Julie’s appearance. ‘Good heavens, what is going on?’
‘Nothing’s going on!’ snapped Julie, unable to stand any more of this. ‘Will you go? Both of you? I’m not hungry, and I am tired. I just want to be left alone.’
Robert swung on his heel and walked out of the room. ‘I’m leaving now,’ he said to his mother. ‘Good night.’
‘Good night, darling.’ Lucy watched him walk away along the corridor and then as the outer door slammed, she turned back to Julie. ‘I gather you’re not joining me for dinner.’
‘That’s right.’ Julie felt unutterably weary. ‘Is it too much to ask that I should be left alone?’
Lucy made an indifferent movement of her shoulders. ‘Of course not. But don’t think I’m a fool, will you, Julie?’
Julie stared at her. ‘What do you mean?’
Lucy’s gaze dropped down her body insolently. ‘Must I elucidate?’ she queried coldly. ‘Entertaining Robert in that state!’
Julie gasped. ‘I was not entertaining Robert!’ she denied hotly. ‘I – I – he just walked in on me!’
Lucy shook her head slowly. ‘I think not. My son knows better than to walk unannounced into a young woman’s bedroom.’
Julie spread a hand helplessly. ‘Go away,’ she said appealingly, ‘please!’
Lucy hesitated only a moment longer and then she nodded briefly and walked away without speaking again.
Julie almost ran across to the door and slammed it heavily, leaning back against it with trembling limbs. Oh, God, she thought despairingly. How was she ever going to bear it?
THE next morning Julie was awakened by Emma bouncing on the end of her bed, and she opened her eyes reluctantly, aware of an indefinable feeling of ominous apprehension. The events of the previous day came flooding back to her, and for a moment she longed to bury her head under the covers and stay where she was.
Then Emma’s bright little face swam into focus and she knew she could not spoil her pleasure in the day.
Emma was dressed already. Someone had supervised what she should put on, for the trews and sweater she was wearing had not been unpacked the night before, and her long straight hair had been combed into order.
Julie struggled into a sitting position. ‘What time is it?’ she asked, reaching for her watch which she had laid on the bedside table when she went to bed. ‘Heavens! It’s after ten. Why didn’t you wake me earlier?’
‘Grandma said you were tired, and Uncle Robert said you would feel better after a long sleep.’
Julie smoothed her hair behind her ears. ‘You mean – they’re up?’
‘Well, Grandma’s not dressed yet. I had breakfast with her, in her room, and Uncle Robert came in later and asked what I usually wore.’
‘I see.’ Julie reached for her dressing-gown. ‘And did you wash and clean your teeth?’
‘Yes. Uncle Robert showed me where everything was. And that man – Halbird—’
‘Mr. Halbird, darling,’ inserted Julie automatically, sliding out of bed.
Emma shrugged indifferently. ‘Well, whoever he is – he unpacked my things and we put them all away in my own drawers.’ She smiled. ‘He said I was very grown up for my age.’
Julie sighed. ‘Who did?’
‘Halbird – Mr. Halbird, I mean.’
Julie shook her head. ‘Well, I wish you’d woken me. Where is everyone now?’
‘Grandma’s getting dressed and Uncle Robert’s gone to get the car out. We’re going out.’
Julie, on her way to the bathroom, swung round.