Never Say Goodbye. Irene Hannon
Reverend Young lined up, and I had an interview at the nursery today.”
“Did you get the job?”
“Yes. It was the strangest interview I’ve ever had, but I have a feeling things will work out fine.”
“Good. I know you were counting on that job.” There was a slight pause, and when she spoke again he could hear the frown in her voice. “Listen, where are you?”
“In my apartment.”
“So you have a phone. Give me the number.” Scott complied, then Karen read it back to confirm. “Okay. I’m hanging up and calling you right back,” she said briskly. “You can’t afford this call.”
“Karen, I’m fine. You don’t have to—”
“I’m hanging up. Bye.”
The line went dead and Scott shook his head, smiling with equal parts affection and exasperation. As a stay-at-home mom with three boys, Karen wasn’t exactly rolling in dough, either. But when she got a notion in her head, there was no stopping her.
A moment later the phone rang and Scott reached for it. “That wasn’t necessary, you know.”
“Listen, big brother, do me a favor, okay? Let people help you if they want to. I just wish you’d come up here for a few weeks, like I asked you to.”
“I appreciate the offer, Karen. I really do. But I need to get back into the real world sooner or later. It might as well be sooner.”
He could hear her sigh of frustration over the wire. “Look, Scott, you could use a break. You deserve it. I was there, remember? I saw you the first Friday of every month. You lost forty pounds in six months. You looked like death. I worried about you night and day. You never talked about life in there, but I know it was hell. I know how close you came to…giving up.” She took a deep breath, and when she resumed speaking, there was a tremor in her voice. “Dear God, my heart bled for you every time I walked out the door and had to leave you behind. Do you know where I went when I left, after my first five or six visits? To the ladies’ room to throw up. I just couldn’t bear that you were in that place, and that I couldn’t do anything to help you.”
Her voice broke, and Scott felt as if someone had kicked him in the gut. Karen had never before even hinted at the emotional toll her visits had taken. Just the opposite. She’d always been upbeat and chatty, working hard to cheer him up by telling him humorous anecdotes about the family, passing on drawings the boys had done for him, sharing photos of the birthday parties and Christmases he’d missed. Those visits had been the only thing that kept him going in those early months. Because of her he had still felt connected to the outside world. Because of her he was able for a brief time to feel human again. But if he’d known the emotional toll it had taken on her, he would never have let her come. “I’m so sorry, Karen,” he said, his voice anguished. “I had no idea.”
“That was the intent.” Her voice still sounded a bit shaky, but she quickly got it under control. “I know you, big brother. If you’d had any idea what those visits did to me, you’d have told me to stop coming. And I wanted to be there for you. But it’s over now. I only brought it up because I want you to know that I realize how horrible it was. And I think you need to take some time to readjust. To rest. To decompress. That’s why I wanted you to come up to Chicago and stay with us for a while. I still wish you would.”
Scott felt overwhelmed by a rush of love and gratitude, and his throat tightened with emotion. Karen’s love and support were blessings for which he would always be grateful. “I love you for offering, sis,” he said, his own voice none too steady. “You don’t know how much it means to me. Just like your visits. In case I haven’t told you—and I probably haven’t, because men aren’t always too good at that communication thing—I want you to know that I wouldn’t have made it without them. Knowing you were coming back, that I wasn’t totally alone, that someone cared and was thinking about me, is the only thing that got me through those early months. You were my rock.”
He heard Karen sniff over the wire. “Who says men aren’t good at communication? You just got an A,” she said tearily. She paused to blow her nose, and when she continued her voice was steadier. “Okay, now, enough of this mushy stuff. If you won’t come up, then let me send you a little money to tide you over.”
“I’m fine, sis.”
“You can pay it back, okay? Consider it a loan.”
“I have a job. And a place to live. I’m fine. Really.”
Another exasperated sigh. “You are one stubborn man, you know that?”
He grinned. “I think it runs in the family.”
“Very funny. Okay, have it your way. What’s your address?”
He hesitated. “No money. Promise.”
She muttered something he couldn’t make out. “Fine. No money.”
He gave her the information, and then glanced at his watch. “This call is costing you a fortune.”
“Look, forget the money for a minute, okay? Indulge me. We’ve got three years of catching up to do without a guard standing over our shoulder. Which reminds me…do you think you’ll be ready for a visitor soon?”
“You don’t have to make a special trip down, Karen.”
“Hey, just because you’re out of prison doesn’t mean you’re going to shake me that easily. I’m heading down to check on you as soon as Joe’s mother comes to visit in mid-March. She can help him with the kids while I’m gone. I’ll consider it a vacation. Trust me—I deserve it. We’ve been decimated by the flu this winter, and guess who’s been playing nurse?”
Scott chuckled. “When you put it that way, how can I refuse?”
“You can’t,” she replied pertly.
He glanced around the tiny furnished apartment, with its threadbare upholstery, worn carpeting and nicked furniture. He could just imagine what Karen would say about his living conditions. “Just don’t expect the Ritz, okay?” he cautioned.
She gave an unladylike snort. “With three kids and twenty more years to go on the mortgage, the Ritz is out of my league, anyway.”
But not this far out, Scott thought as his gaze once more traveled around the shabby apartment. She would not be happy to find him living in these conditions. But that was a battle for another day. “Tell Joe and the kids I said hi.”
“Will do.” There was a slight hesitation, and when Karen spoke again her voice was cautious. “Listen, I don’t mean to be nosy, but…have you talked to Jess?”
Scott’s smile faded. “Yes.”
“Any luck?”
“She hung up on me.”
Karen sighed. “I’m sorry, Scott.”
“It’s okay. I didn’t expect her to welcome me with open arms.”
“Hang in there, okay?”
“I will. Believe me, I’m an expert at that after the past three years. I’ve learned to take everything a day at a time.”
“Not a bad philosophy. Listen, I’ll call again in a couple of days. Promise to take care of yourself in the meantime?”
“Count on it.”
“You’ll let me know if you need anything?”
“Absolutely.”
“Okay. I’ll let you go for now. And Scott…welcome back.”
As they said their goodbyes and Scott replaced the receiver, he thought about Karen’s parting words. Welcome back. They had a nice sound. And it felt wonderful to be back. To be free.
But the words he really wanted to hear