A Father This Christmas?. Louisa Heaton
to come home again and again, after every loss, but he never had.
If only I had...
Then he might have learned about Seb sooner. Learned about Eva. Could he forgive her? This was Eva—the woman he’d...
Jacob cleared his throat. ‘I’ve lost so much time with him already. He needs to know who I am.’
She stood up instantly, her body blocking the door. ‘You’re not going in there to tell him right now.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘He needs to know.’
Eva nodded. ‘Then, I’ll tell him. At home. In his own space. Then maybe... I don’t know...perhaps you could come round later? Get to know him? Next week, perhaps...’
‘Give me your address. I’ll be round tonight.’
‘Tonight? I don’t—’
‘Tonight. I’ve already lost three years.’
She looked down at the ground. ‘I need more time.’
Jacob stepped forward so that he faced her, his nose mere inches away from hers. ‘You’ve already had three years. Tell him today. Or we both tell him tonight, when I come round. Your call.’
Eva backed away from the intense, angry stare of Jacob’s eyes. She’d had no idea of how angry he’d be. Or, really, what type of man he was. She’d allowed herself to be seduced by a stranger that night. She only knew one side of him.
‘I’ll tell him. I was the one who kept it from him after all.’
The way she looked at him then, with those beautiful crystal blue eyes of hers—the palest of blue, like snow ice on the polar caps—he had a flashback to how those eyes had looked into his that night they’d spent together, and a smack of desire hit him hard and low in the groin.
How could he still desire her when she’d just driven him mad with anger?
‘You know what hurts the most, Eva?’
She shook her head, her full, soft lips slightly apart, so he had to fight the urge to kiss her. It was as if there was a battle going on in his body. Half of him wanted to be furious with her; the other half wanted to take her to bed and make her gasp with delight.
‘Not only did you keep Seb from me, you also kept Seb from my parents. Grandparents who would love him. Aunts and uncles who would adore him. Cousins who could be his friends. My family would adore Seb.’
‘They still can...’
‘But only because I came here.’ He reached up and removed a wave of red hair from her cheek, then realised what he was doing and dropped it like a hot coal. ‘How much longer would you have kept the secret if I’d gone elsewhere?’
She seemed nervous of his touch, her breath hitching in her lungs and then escaping when he let go of her hair. She was breathing heavily, and he felt empowered to know he had that control over her. That she still responded to his touch.
He’d never forgotten that one night...
‘Jacob, I—’
‘What’s your address?’
Reluctantly, she told him.
He stepped past her and yanked open the locker room door.
‘I’ll be round at six.’
And then he left, leaving her alone.
* * *
Eva stood gasping like a landed fish after he’d left the locker room. As the door slowly closed behind him she sank down onto the bench and let out a long, slow, breath.
Jacob knew. And it had been every bit as horrible as she’d feared.
She felt she should have told him when she’d had that moment in Resus. Perhaps it might have gone better? If she’d been honest with him when she’d had the chance? But, no, she hadn’t said anything. Instead, she’d sneaked away like a frightened mouse. And now look what had happened.
She’d wanted to tell him. She’d wanted to tell him ever since she’d discovered she was pregnant! But...
She hadn’t been able to find him. She’d blamed him for being untraceable.
She’d wanted Seb to have it all! A mother and a father. As she’d never had. She’d promised herself that whenever she had kids her children would have the firm foundation of a loving family. Of growing up surrounded by love and security.
When she’d realised she couldn’t trace Jacob she’d quickly accustomed herself to the idea of raising Seb alone. Of relying only on herself—the way she’d always done! Seb would be able to rely on her. She’d be the best mother she could be. Her child would have the certainty that she was there to stay and she would love him more than life itself. Do the job of both parents.
Her feelings for Jacob she could control. What had they been but fantasy? He was a man she’d been able to put on a pedestal because she hadn’t known him long enough to discover otherwise. Who knew what he was really like?
She could do this.
It would be easier now. They would be able to work together and she wouldn’t have to worry anymore about him finding out about Seb. The worst was over.
Wasn’t it?
She caught her own worried gaze in the mirror. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe Jacob would let Seb get to know him and then he’d disappear again? He had a temporary post here—perhaps he’d be a temporary father?
Eva got up and went over to the sinks to splash cold water on her face. She stared again at her reflection in the mirror, dabbing her skin dry with the paper towel.
‘Jeez...you really didn’t handle that very well at all,’ she told herself, trying out a tentative smile.
That was better. She needed to look human again before she went to collect Seb. She didn’t want him to notice she’d been crying. After today he needed to see his normal mum—the one in control. The one who soothed his brow when he was sick...the one who read to him at nights until he fell asleep. He’d need everything to be normal after the frightening start to his day in the minibus.
But I’m going to have to tell him about Jacob...
Exactly how did you tell a three-year-old about his father? Would he even be able to understand what she was telling him? Or would he accept it easily? In her experience her little boy was very adaptable. Maybe he’d take it in his stride?
She threw the paper towel into the bin and continued to look at herself in the mirror. She blinked quickly. The redness in her eyes was almost gone now. By the time she got out there to Seb she should look fine.
Eva opened the door.
Seb was still in his cubicle, but Jacob was with him, holding on to Seb’s little fingers as he spoke to him. Seb looked intrigued. So happy. She wondered what they were talking about. She watched them together. The way Jacob spoke, the way he laughed—he was so like Seb. And Seb looked so like his father, with his wavy dark hair and intense blue eyes. They were the spitting image of each other. He was so obviously Jacob’s little boy.
And I didn’t persevere in trying to find him. I should have! We could have had everything we ever wanted...
Yeah, right. As if that would ever have happened...
Seb spotted her and waved. ‘Can we go home now?’
Jacob didn’t smile at her.
‘Soon. We need to stay for a while so the doctors can keep an eye on you.’
‘Because I banged my head?’
‘That’s right.’ She glanced at Jacob.
He