Baby, I'm Yours. Carrie Weaver
of discomfort. He’d been gracious, all things considered.
Stopping at the neighborhood grocery store on her way home, she intended to run in, get a few things and leave. But she saw several people she knew, and the condolences, though thoughtful, seemed to go on forever. Still, she considered herself lucky to have so many people who cared about her.
It was nearly two o’clock when Becca walked through the door at home. The kids would be there in two hours and the house would erupt in controlled chaos.
“I was starting to worry,” Irene said. “I thought you were only going to the salon for a half day.”
Becca kissed her mother-in-law on the cheek and placed the bags on the counter. “I’m fine. I had a few things I needed to clear up at the rental agency after work. And I stopped at the grocery store.”
“Surely we’ve got enough meals in the freezer to last a month. Or years.”
“Yes.” Becca smiled. The way the condolence casseroles seemed to multiply in the freezer was an ongoing joke. “But we still use toilet tissue, soap and other things.”
“Let me get my purse.”
She hugged the older woman. “Hang on to your cash. It’s all stuff I would have had to buy anyway.”
Irene frowned. “We need to pay our way. It’s not easy expanding your family by two and we don’t ever want to be a burden. We promised five years ago to contribute.”
“You’re never a burden. You contribute by paying the electric and water bills. And by being here for the kids after school. That helps more than you will ever know.”
“I wish you’d let us do more. Especially now…with Gabe…gone.” Her eyes clouded. “Jim and I should probably be looking into other arrangements. Maybe a retirement village.”
“Nonsense. You’re still an important part of this family. It wouldn’t be the same around here without you.”
Irene cupped Becca’s cheek with her hand. “You’re a good girl. I’m so happy Gabe found you. You made a perfect couple.”
“Yes, we did.” Her voice wavered. She tried to avoid the sense of hopelessness that seemed to always be hovering close by these days. “I only wish I’d had one last chance to tell him how much I loved him.”
“He knew. You were the world to him.”
Becca was at risk of losing her composure if they discussed Gabe a moment longer. Trying to change the subject, she said, “Hey, you and Jim provided him with an example of the perfect marriage.”
“That takes work as you well know. Speaking of work, I better call Jim in from the workshop so he can help bring in the groceries.”
“Let him continue with his project. I only had these two bags.”
“It’s good for him to feel needed.”
Becca patted Irene’s arm. “I know. That’s why I’m grateful for his help. But today it’s not necessary.”
“Don’t feel you have to do everything yourself. Accept help when people offer.”
Becca turned away and pretended to check the contents of the grocery sack. “I do.”
“Only when you feel you have no other choice.”
Glancing up, she found Irene watching her. “It’s…hard. Gabe and I were a team, a unit. Now, I’m not sure what I am.”
“You’re a woman who has had a terrible loss. A woman who works hard to keep it together on her own. Sometimes, accepting help is the greatest gift you can give someone you love.”
Becca would have agreed with her, as long as it was someone else on the receiving end. Helping Gabe’s parents was as much a part of her as taking care of her children. And she would do the same thing for her father and his wife when they weren’t able to live alone anymore.
But asking for help was one thing Becca couldn’t seem to do. Except for asking—no, demanding—that Rick make it all go away for a few moments the night of Gabe’s funeral.
Becca’s gaze was drawn to the tiled floor where she’d made love to Rick. Her stomach protested.
“Are you okay, dear?” Irene asked.
“Yes. I was just thinking…” And hoping guilt wasn’t written all over her face, like a scarlet A. She knew Irene would be horrified if she ever found out. The thought of losing her respect made Becca’s heart ache.
But no one would ever know. Rick had promised.
Becca would be left to wrestle with her conscience alone. In this very kitchen, she’d managed to betray not only Gabe, but Rick. How would she ever forgive herself for such a huge abuse of trust?
When she contemplated what Rick probably thought of her, Becca inwardly cringed.
It didn’t matter.
Who was she kidding? It mattered a great deal. She didn’t want to lose his friendship over a moment of insanity. It was almost a compulsion these days to keep the people who’d known and loved Gabe as close as possible. As if, in some way, it kept Gabe close, too.
A WEEK LATER, Rick waited in the booth at Coco’s Restaurant. His reason for inviting Becca had been purely practical. They needed to discuss business in a neutral setting. The office was out, because he didn’t want to spook the employees if anyone heard about belt-tightening. And Becca’s house was definitely not a good idea.
He stood as she approached the table, admiring the vibrant swing of her blond hair, her confident stride and ready smile. The lines of strain were barely noticeable. But the fact that she’d lost weight was readily evident and he worried.
That was the other reason for inviting her to lunch. At least he was sure she’d eat one good meal today instead of forgetting to take care of herself while she looked after everyone else.
Rick grasped her hands and kissed her quickly on the cheek. “Hi. No problem with traffic?”
“Not a bit. This was a great idea.” Her eyes held a trace of wariness, though.
He wondered if she would think it was such a good idea when he was finished imparting his news.
“How are the kids doing?” he asked as they sat down.
“It depends on the hour. They seem to take turns having meltdowns in their own way. It’s exhausting trying to gauge who’s having a hard time and what I should do to make it right.”
“Not a whole lot you can do. Except listen and let them know you’re there.”
“But I’m their mother. I should be able to offer words of wisdom that make their pain bearable. I’ve spouted the ‘we’re in this together’ stuff until they’re tired of hearing it. And to be honest, grief is a pretty solitary pursuit. No matter how badly I want to be there for them, a lot of it they’re going to have to work out in their own time in their own way.”
Rick nodded. “Same goes for you.”
“The children have to be my focus right now. I don’t have the luxury of falling to pieces.”
“I remember when Kayla was a teen. It made me feel so helpless when I realized that she would ultimately have to find her own way. My ex-wife and I just stood there with our hearts on our sleeves, hoping like crazy she’d ask us for guidance. And when she didn’t, providing it anyway.”
“You and Valerie did a good job. Kayla seemed like a nice girl the few times she’s come to the office to visit.”
“Yes, I don’t see her nearly often enough. But she’s got her own life. I guess I should be grateful she got a job in Akron after she graduated from NYU.”
Becca reached across the table and touched his