Resisting Her Army Doc Rival. Sue MacKay
to ignore it, swamped all ideas of staying immune to him in particular, frightening and exciting her. Forget the excitement. How? Remember the horror in Jason’s eyes the first time he’d seen her burned abdomen. That particular image could always toughen her resolve like nothing else could.
‘How’s the third victim doing?’ she heard Sam ask through the mess in her head.
Cassy answered, ‘Went into cardiac arrest but Jock got him back. You think your man needed blood. Not even close.’
‘We need a volunteer to give a pint?’
Maddy looked up at Sam’s question. ‘I’m O neg, if you need it.’
‘We’re good to go at the moment.’ The nurse slid a needle into Sam’s patient’s arm. ‘Righto, my man, let’s get you hooked up and these little red cells doing their job.’
Madison let the words wash over her. Operating rooms were the same wherever she went, and as close to home as she knew these days. Listening to the banter, suturing a shredded muscle was soothing in an odd kind of way.
Sam had gone quiet. A flick of her eyes showed him working on his patient’s scalp where the man had taken a pounding from an unknown object. His attention was so focused on the job that he had to be trying very hard to ignore something. It wouldn’t be her, surely? Hopefully not. Yet a shaft of disappointment jabbed. Disappointment she refused to delve into. Instead, she hunted for a bland question and came up with, ‘Where are you headed next week, Sam?’
‘Burwood.’
The military base near Christchurch. ‘Really going home, then, huh?’
‘Until the brass find some other place to send me.’
‘When was the last time you spent any time there?’
At first she didn’t think he was going to answer but finally he managed, ‘Ages ago. I haven’t seen Ma and Pa Creighton for far too long.’ Guilt lined his words and filled his eyes.
‘Who are they?’
‘They took me in to live with them when I was fourteen. The kindest folk you’d ever want to know.’
And he hadn’t been to see them for a while. She knew not to ask about that, and for once managed to keep quiet. Not that she stopped wondering what had happened that he’d needed a home back then. Where had his parents been? Had he been a welfare kid? She knew about them as when she’d been young her parents had fostered two boys slightly older than her whom she’d adored and had been devastated when they’d left to return to their families.
Then Sam interrupted her fruitless machinations. ‘Why did you join up?’
‘I was looking for something different to the usual track of building a big, fancy career in a private practice.’ She’d wanted out of her life as it had become. At least until she could face a future without the husband and children she’d always dreamed of.
‘That had been your initial goal?’
‘Yes. Then I had a change of mind.’ A near death experience could do that.
‘Going to tell me why?’
‘No.’ Then she added, before she could overthink it, ‘Not now.’ Explaining about the fire and the ensuing disaster would be hard. But hard didn’t begin to explain the consequences that had followed that terrifying night. ‘I guess eventually I’ll go back to that idea but not yet.’ But would she?
The army had taken her away from home and the hideous memories, from her concerned family with their endless suggestions of how to get back on track. There were awful memories ground so deep she’d never expunge them, but they were slightly easier to ignore when she wasn’t living and working in her home town. Something she owed her sister for. She wouldn’t have chosen the army as a cure if not for Maggie’s suggestion—nagging, more like—that it could be a way to reinvent herself. She’d grabbed that thought and signed up without thinking too hard about what she was letting herself in for. Desperation made people do strange things.
On the plus side, her body was fitter, more muscular and in the best shape it had ever been. Her smart mind was faster, sharper, and yet only now was it dawning on her what she had landed herself in.
So much for being intelligent. Hope I haven’t messed up big time.
Too bad if she had. The only way out of here was by court-martial or in a wooden box. Not options worthy of consideration. Yet she was supposed to be getting over horrors, not facing new ones. By the end of her tour, far from the comfort of home and her well-meaning but over-protective family, she fully intended knowing what she wanted to do with the rest of her life, and the past would be exactly that. The past. That was the plan anyway. Except plans had a way of going off track.
‘I hear uncertainty in that answer.’ No challenge sparked in the eyes now locked on her. Instead curiosity ruled.
Her natural instinct was to pull down the shutters. Habit was a strong taskmaster. Since the fire, she was done with showing anything but the truth, even a watered-down version, so she usually kept quiet. But now she was starting over? Straightening her already straight spine, she said, ‘I haven’t got any long-term plans at the moment. I’m taking everything one day at a time. Or one tour anyway.’ Now she’d said too much.
He nodded, said quietly, ‘You and I have something in common.’
Hideous memories? Pain? Fear? She hoped not. She didn’t wish bad things on him. ‘You aren’t going to be a soldier for ever?’
‘No idea. I had planned on it, but now who knows?’
That sounded lame, but before she could ask Sam to expand on what he’d said Jock appeared in their cramped area.
Sam looked down at his patient. ‘Think we’re about done. You?’
‘The guy didn’t make it.’
Madison’s head flicked back and forth between the two men, then she locked on Sam. ‘This isn’t uncommon, is it?’
‘Losing a patient? No.’ That get-me-anything smile was back in place, but his serious voice didn’t match it. Could be Sam was hiding his own despair at what they dealt with.
Hairs lifted on her neck. ‘Sam?’ His name fell out of her mouth.
‘You’re in a brutal environment now, Madison.’
Phew. He thought she was thinking about the medical work. Better than him knowing the truth. ‘I get that,’ she replied.
He went on. ‘It takes time to get used to the injuries we see here, especially what causes them, but if you don’t you’ll sink.’
‘I’m hardly likely to do that.’ She could feel her muscles tightening. Stop it. New approach, remember? No more getting uptight over everything. Forcing the tension aside, she tried for normal. ‘But thanks for the warning. I’ll be on guard.’
‘You’d better be. For all our sakes.’ His words were sharp, but the smile that accompanied them lessened any suspected blow. It was genuine, not full of I’m-so-cool attitude.
‘You’ll have to trust me on this, Sam.’ Huh? That was a big ask. There wasn’t room for trust in manoeuvres with an unproven soldier. That’s how people died, or so the training officers back home had hammered home.
Sam’s smile faltered, slid away. ‘I will.’ Forceps clanged against the steel of a kidney dish, loud in the sudden silence. ‘But if you find you’re struggling I’m not bad at listening.’
Now, there was an offer she’d have to decline. Talking one on one with Sam with no one else around about personal concerns would be taking things way too far. Shame. It could be good to sit over a coffee and chat about life in general, learn a few snippets about what made him tick. There was a depth to him that drew her in, intrigued her. ‘Strange how real life is way different from those lofty ideas I had at school.