Instant Family. Donna Gartshore
said, deadpan, “I don’t want to show off.”
Ben made himself at home in the other chair and took a sip of his coffee.
“Is Rae still asleep?”
“No, she’s inside having breakfast and getting ready. I wish she had slept in a bit later,” Frankie confessed. “I signed her up for those classes at the Nature Center and she’s pretty excited about it.”
Ben nodded his acknowledgment. From Frankie’s expression, it was evident that she was happy Rae had something to look forward to.
“Dad used to love crossword puzzles,” he mused. “He was really good at them, too.”
“You said he was a minister?” Frankie asked. “Have you followed in his footsteps?”
“No.” Ben shook his head. Many things rushed through his mind that he could offer as a way of explanation, but he decided to stick with the basic facts. “I’m a general contractor, but I did want to do something worthwhile, so I’ve been on a few mission trips to help with construction and repairs. I also did a bit of work with literacy programs. It was great sharing Jesus with people in a way that felt natural to me.”
Frankie didn’t say anything, and after a moment she looked down at her crossword puzzle. “What’s a five-letter word for angry?”
The deliberate change in conversation didn’t slip by Ben. Tread carefully, he reminded himself, for his own sake as well as hers. He was curious about her faith and sensed that it was a struggle for her, but he had his own struggles. A Christian upbringing didn’t mean faith was always easy. Sometimes, he thought, it actually made it more difficult.
Ben returned his thoughts to the question. “What does it start with?” he asked.
“I”
“Irate?”
Frankie considered it. “Yes, that works.” She wrote the word in carefully.
“So, Rae likes the Nature Center,” Ben said. “How do you plan to keep yourself busy for the next couple of months?”
It was hard, he mused, to make casual conversation when the thought of how appealing she looked floated up like a ginger ale bubble in him.
She tucked her hair behind her ears. In the morning light, the color looked like a sunrise.
“I like to walk and look at things,” Frankie told him. “I enjoy sitting down by the water to watch the waves and think.”
He had the distinct impression that she had much more planned than that, but her expression was closed, not allowing further questions.
“My mom was a schoolteacher,” he shared, sensing it would be better to talk about other things. “What about your parents? Are they both...?”
“Alive, yes,” she said. “And, thankfully, they’re healthy, too. We all live in Regina. It’s about a six-hour drive from here.”
“We’re from Saskatoon,” Ben said. “Is this your first time here at the lake?”
Frankie nodded. “I’d heard good things about it. I figured it sounded like a perfect place for us to...” Ben could almost see her swallowing a word. “For us to have fun,” she finished.
Ben gave a rueful chuckle. “I guess I’m hoping that something here will still be meaningful to Dad. I’m quite certain this will be our last trip here together.” It surprised him that he had said the words out loud, but somehow having them fall on other ears took away a trace of the sting in his throat.
They sat in silence for a moment. Frankie put down her pencil. Through the window screen, they could hear Rae humming to herself.
“She likes it here,” Frankie said with a smile that softened her face.
“You’re a good mom,” Ben said. He felt those words were inadequate, but it was the best he could come up with.
“Thank you. I try.”
Frankie studied her hands, then set her gaze directly on him.
“I do my best. It hasn’t been easy for us on our own.” She lifted her chin and her expression told Ben that she wasn’t providing any more details—not now and maybe not ever.
He wanted to let her know in some way that he understood. Oh, he definitely understood what it meant to step into a void you weren’t at all confident you could fill.
“I feel that way about Dad sometimes,” he admitted. “I don’t know how many times a day I just wish I had someone to compare notes with. I mean, there are support groups and all but...”
Frankie nodded in agreement.
“Will your dad be okay with you over here?”
“He was sound asleep when I left, but I should go check on him soon. Frankie?”
“Yes?”
“I was wondering if it would be okay if we walked to the Nature Center with you and Rae. Dad’s usually better about eating his breakfast if he gets a walk first.”
He could see her hesitate slightly. Then she spoke.
“That’s fine. I’m sure Rae would like that.”
* * *
I like this blouse, Frankie told herself as she got dressed. She’d wear it anyway. It had nothing to do with the fact that she always got compliments about how well the color suited her. It had nothing to do with her wanting Ben to know she could look much better than she had this morning.
Rae had been ready to go for half an hour at least and was bouncing around, making her braids swing. Her glasses slid down her nose and she pushed them back up.
“Can I go outside and see if Ben and Al are ready to go?” she asked. As Frankie had anticipated, she was happy to have them along.
“You’re like a jumping bean,” Frankie teased. “Go ahead. I’ll be out soon.”
She glanced at her reflection in the small mirror on one of the walls, fluffed her hair a bit, added some lip gloss and decided she looked okay.
When Ben greeted her, she thought she saw a light of admiration in his eyes. Yet, her stomach sifted in confusion. She couldn’t explain to herself why she wanted him to admire her.
“C’mon! C’mon!” Al demanded.
“Let’s go!” Rae agreed.
Frankie caught Ben’s look and they shared a quiet smile over the similar restlessness of his aging father and her young daughter.
As they walked to the Nature Center, Frankie breathed the fresh pine-filled air, and enjoyed the sights and sounds of people ready to make the most of the day.
I feel happy. The thought entered her mind cautiously, not sure of its welcome. It was more than just being a mother who was happy because her daughter was: it was the beginning of her own personal happiness that came with finally starting to believe that the worst was over.
“Mom, what’s that?” Rae pointed as they neared the Nature Center.
Frankie looked and the thought of being happy skittered away.
“What in the world...?” Ben quickened his pace.
A group of people stood by the entrance of the center and milled about, talking loudly and asking one another questions that could not be answered.
The door was barred shut and the building had been brutalized with wild streaks of red and black. Most chilling of all was the proclamation painted across the side—I HATE EVERYBODY!
Frankie felt Ben grab her hand. She looked quickly at his face and saw that it had been an unthinking gesture.
“It’s getting worse,” he said.