Oklahoma Reunion. Tina Radcliffe
holding hands and looking out at the future.
All that that little girl wants is a family.
As if it was yesterday, he remembered one of his and Kait’s last conversations so long ago. They’d discussed their plans after college—graduate program, then marriage and a family.
Ryan and Kait. Forever.
He’d kissed her tenderly beneath the soft light of this very porch before leaving her at her front door at the start of spring break.
What happened? How had it all become so convoluted?
He was a father. Jenna’s father.
The words raced round and round in his head like a wild mustang desperate for a way out. Panic gripped him, choking his throat and clutching at his gut.
What did he know about being a father? It couldn’t be nearly the same as owning a cat or a dog. If he made his beast dog Jabez neurotic, well, it scared him to think about his effect on a little girl.
He ran a hand over his pounding head and slammed his fist on the porch rail as his emotions swung wildly between despair and hysterics.
There were way too many questions and not nearly enough answers. His head ached as much as his heart.
And why had Kait kept it from him? Yeah, that was the big question. Unfamiliar rage welled up inside, threatening to erupt.
As if on cue, Kait opened the screen door and stepped onto the dimly lit porch.
“I’m sorry that took so long.” She rubbed her arms with her hands. “It’s gotten chilly. Do you want to come inside? I can make some tea or coffee. I have a fresh pumpkin loaf.”
Kait’s voice disarmed him for a moment. For all his self-righteous anger, he didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t even look at her. He turned away.
“Ryan? What’s wrong?”
He tried to answer, but the words wouldn’t obey him.
“Ryan?” she asked again. This time her voice sounded almost afraid.
Silence stretched until he couldn’t hold back the question any longer. He turned from the rail as the words burst from his lips, the pain ripping him apart.
“Jenna’s my daughter, isn’t she?”
Kait’s eyes rounded and her face paled. There was another long, painful silence. She swallowed.
“Yes.”
Ryan turned back to the rail. Eyes burning, he hung his head.
“Are you going to give me a chance to explain?”
“You’ve had eight years to explain, Kait. Eight years.” He gripped the wood tightly, blinking away emotion as he stared ahead into the settling twilight.
“Oh, Ryan,” Kait whispered. Dear Lord, this wasn’t how I planned for him to find out.
She sucked in her breath and automatically moved closer, reaching out to touch his hand. The contact started a frisson of electricity that surprised her.
Ryan jerked away. Once again, his back was to her. Several times he closed and opened his fists, finally shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
“Does Jenna know I’m her father?”
“Yes.”
“How can she know I’m her father when I didn’t even know?”
“It was only fair to talk to Jenna before we left Philly.”
“Fair,” he muttered the word.
Her stomach in knots, Kait watched him pace.
He came to a sudden halt and faced her. “Why did you come back to Granby now?”
“My father died, and I hoped that maybe this was the right time to talk to you.”
“Just like that.”
“Yes, just like that.”
Ryan was spoiling for a fight that she didn’t intend to give him. She could afford the luxury of being calm. After all, she’d had a long time to think about this. She understood his anger—yes, he had every right to be mad.
Finally, he raised his head and met her gaze. Kait flinched at the raw pain in his eyes. Ryan shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” The accusation lingered in the air.
“It’s not like I didn’t want to tell you. The timing wasn’t in our favor.”
“Timing?” His eyes rounded in astonishment, and his tone became almost mocking. “You’re going to try to tell me this is all about timing?”
“You were out of town for spring break sophomore year, as I recall. Some legal internship your parents had arranged in D.C.”
Ryan’s jaw tightened, and the muscle in his right cheek twitched. “It was a week and a half. You couldn’t have waited for me? The father of your child?”
“My father kicked me out.” She took a deep breath. Suddenly she had no energy to defend herself. Once again, she was convicted before she began. “I was homeless. Nineteen and pregnant with nowhere to go. I was scared, and I didn’t have any options. I had to make decisions very fast.”
There was more to the story. Oh, yes, much more. But Ryan certainly wasn’t ready to hear everything tonight. She held back to protect him, and because deep down inside she doubted he’d believe her anyhow. What chance did her word have against Elizabeth Delaney Jones’s?
For several long moments, neither of them spoke.
“Did you think I wouldn’t be a good father?”
Surprised, Kait jerked back at his words. “Where did that come from? No. I hadn’t even thought that far down the road, Ryan. I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I called Molly Springer, and she helped me. Molly has family in Philly. She found a place for me to stay and was there when Jenna was born.”
Again Ryan’s face became a twisted mask of anguish. His words were raw with pain. “I missed the birth of my daughter. Dear Lord, I’ve missed so much.”
Aching for him, Kait considered his words, not sure how to comfort him. Suddenly he was very quiet, his face stony. His eyes moved from her ringless hand to her face. “You were going to let someone else be Jenna’s father before giving me a chance.”
“It wasn’t … I didn’t …” Her eyes pricked with emotion. “That wasn’t how it was at all, Ryan.”
“How was it, Kait?” He blinked and looked away. “You had years to call me. Years. That’s what hurts most of all.”
How could she ever explain? Time and again she had tried to pick up the phone. With each passing day, the bridge to her past crumbled further. It was easier not to look back and to convince herself Ryan wouldn’t be waiting anyhow.
“I’m sorry, Ryan. I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry isn’t going to cut it, Kait.”
“Ryan, I—”
“No. I’m pretty sure this conversation is over.” Swallowing, he straightened and glanced at his watch. “For now. It’s late, and I’m functioning on an empty tank. I don’t want to say something we’ll both regret.”
Kait nodded.
Arms crossed, Ryan met her gaze head-on. His eyes flashed cold and dark.
She shivered. She’d never seen this side of Ryan before.
“I want to get to know Jenna. I want to get to know my daughter.”
He turned from her and walked slowly to his pickup, head bowed with the weight of his burden.
“That’s