A Beautiful Day for a Wedding: This year’s Bridget Jones!. Charlotte Butterfield
off her credit card from her extortionate flight back to the UK from the year before, and all Adam’s bits for the wedding that he hadn’t paid her back for yet. And this summer was costing a fortune with the number of bridal showers, wedding presents, new outfits, and hotel stays she had to fork out for.
It didn’t help that Tanya’s new itinerary for her hen do this weekend had tripled the original cost. Now Eve had to pay for a facial she didn’t really want (all those oils always made her skin erupt faster than Vesuvius), a night away in a hotel whose rates were far more than other hotels just because it had the word ‘spa’ shoe-horned into its name, and a raw fish platter that was being delivered from forty miles away due to the lack of Japanese eateries in the countryside – a potential bout of food poisoning had now been added to the list of things Eve already disliked about this weekend. But as chief party planner, it was her job to up the tempo, keep smiling, and pretend that she was loving every minute.
Plastering her ‘aren’t we all having so much fun’ face on, she shoved her clothes in the locker, put the fluffy white towelling robe on, slipped her feet into the white slippers, trying not to wonder if they had been washed since the last person wore them, and padded down the corridor to join the rest of Tanya’s friends who were lounging by the pool. Thank God Becca and Ayesha were there to keep her sane or Eve might well have crawled into the locker and stayed there all weekend.
The spa only had three therapists, so at any one time during the whole day, three of the hen party were always missing after being officiously summoned by the head therapist, who looked as though she’d been over-indulging on the non-surgical skin-smoothing treatments the spa offered. The rest of the party, and Eve used the term ‘party’ loosely, were left to just sit around a tepid indoor pool with overwhelming smell of chlorine and snack on cups of organic granola. This was not shaping up to be the laughter-filled weekend of silliness that Eve had had in mind, but Tanya looked like she was loving it. She’d even brought along her own sparkly tiara to wear, that she’d retrieved from her bag ‘as a back up’ when Eve had produced a rather more garish novelty version with flashing lights that was swiftly dismissed with a little shake of her head. Thank goodness Eve had two more hen dos on the horizon that she could re-use it for, she knew that Ayesha and Becca wouldn’t be so picky.
‘Shall we play some games?’ Eve said, insistent on injecting a smidgen of jolliness into the proceedings. She was met with a steely silence from Tanya’s work colleagues and wide-eyed horror from the bride to be.
‘I don’t think we have to do that, Eve. We’re all having fun, aren’t we?’ Tanya replied, filing her nails a little quicker.
‘Oh, yes, lots of fun! I just thought that not everyone knows each other yet, so it might be good to go round the group and say how everyone knows you, and maybe a funny story about you, or something?’
‘Yes! That sounds great!’ Ayesha said. ‘I’ll start. Well, I’m Ayesha, hi everyone! I first met Tanya at fresher’s week at university in Brighton, when we were standing in the same queue for the Silent Dancing Club.’ Eve knew this story; in fact, she’d dined out on this story many times – but looking at Tanya’s stony expression, it wasn’t one that she’d ever repeated to her colleagues, or indeed anyone that she’d met since that day.
‘I don’t think we need to—’ Tanya interrupted.
‘And the third years that ran the club gave us some headphones and told us to show them our moves. Bear in mind we were stone cold sober, it was the middle of the day, and me and Tanya had a running-man dance off in the crowded union.’
Becca and Eve started laughing with the memory of seeing this prim and proper Home Counties girl and a crazy short Indian girl with a black bob dance to MC Hammer in complete silence. The floor had cleared around them and people had cheered when they’d finished. Tanya had blushed almost as fiercely as she was doing now.
‘You’re a dark horse Tanya,’ said one of the other hens.
‘It was a long time ago,’ Tanya sniffed.
‘Oh come on, we should totally do it again for old times’ sake,’ Ayesha laughed. ‘I bet you’ve still got some moves.’
‘Luke and I have actually been taking dance lessons for our first dance.’ Tanya said.
This didn’t surprise Eve. Nothing in this wedding was being left to chance.
‘Is it going to be one of those dances that starts off really slow and romantic and then the music stops and turns into I like Big Butts and I Cannot Lie and Luke throws you in the air, you whip off the bottom half of your dress and it turns into a stage show?’ Eve asked, giggling as Ayesha and Becca roared with appreciative laughter next to her.
‘No.’
‘Ok then, shall I go next?’ Eve said, keen to keep the momentum of the game going, despite the blank stares she was receiving from the other hens.
‘Tanya and I were in next door rooms to each other in our halls of residence, and we’d never really spoken before, but at the end of the first term her boyfriend from home visited, and—’
‘And after that we became friends. Ok, then shall we get the lunch menu?’ Tanya said quickly, craning her neck around, making a show of looking for a member of staff.
Eve ignored Tanya’s deliberate attempt to shut her up and continued. ‘And we’d all gone out to the union for the Christmas party. There was a boyband there, who was it?’
‘5ive,’ Becca said, smiling as she knew how the story ended.
‘Oh yes, 5ive! Tanya’s boyfriend had gone on a bit before us back to halls and—’
‘Oh look, they have smoked salmon on seeded bagels. Yum,’ Tanya said, scanning the menu she’d just been given.
‘But he’d obviously gone back to the wrong room because when I opened my door he was lying on my bed naked with a Santa hat covering his willy!’ Eve guffawed. ‘Literally no clothes on at all! And then he had to run next door with nothing on!’
The punchline to the story elicited polite smiles from the group, but that was it. Man, thought Eve, this crowd was tough. ‘He never visited you again, did he Tanya?’
‘No.’
A few seconds of silence followed before Becca picked up the baton. Eve could have kissed her. ‘Well, I was on the same course as Eve here, and so when first year ended, we decided to live together in a dodgy house in the centre of town. You know, the kind of student house where you don’t need Blu Tack to keep your posters up, the damp does that for you? And Tanya and a Kiwi guy called Ben shared with us too.’
‘Speaking of Ben, has anyone heard from him lately? Is he still in New Zealand?’ Ayesha interrupted.
Hearing his name spoken out loud made the hairs on Eve’s arms prick up.
‘He’s an usher actually,’ Tanya said.
‘He’s an usher?’ Eve spluttered out her peppermint tea.
‘Yes, he came back from New Zealand a couple of months ago, and now lives in Wimbledon. Luke bumped into him a few weeks ago and they went for a few beers, and he asked him to be one of his ushers.’ Tanya paused, took a sip and airily added, ‘Didn’t you know?’
‘Oh my God, I have to tell Amit! They were so close at uni, and when Ben just dropped off the radar Amit was gutted. He’ll definitely want him to be in our wedding party too. Um, if that’s ok with you Eve?’ Ayesha added, a little apologetically. ‘Sorry, I didn’t think.’
‘It makes no odds to me,’ Eve lied.
‘I didn’t think it would, I mean, it’s been four years,’ Ayesha said. ‘I hope Amit doesn’t ask him to be his best man though, I dread to think what his speech would be like. He’s got ammunition on all of us, and he’s a right cheeky sod when he wants to be.’
The conversation then moved back to lunch options, but