New York City's Best Dive Bars. Ben Westhoff
BEST HIPSTER DIVES
(in no particular order)
Hank’s Saloon
Parkside Lounge
119 Bar
Bushwick Country Club
Turkey’s Nest Tavern
Doc Holliday’s
Welcome To The Johnson’s
Bohemian Hall & Beer Garden
2919 24th Avenue, at 29th Street Transit: N, W to Astoria Blvd.
www.bohemianhall.com (718) 274-4925
The Bohemian Hall & Beer Garden looks like a prison from the outside, but inside lurks the most fun a Czech can have in New York City (or Astoria, to be more precise). Ringed by tall stone walls, this palatial beer garden offers European beers to go along with beef stroganoff, beef goulash and perogies, as well as just about every other combination of onions, milk, potatoes and cow you can imagine.
Upon entry to the hall, you’ll first encounter the spartanly-furnished bar, which may have folk music playing and basketball or boxing on the TV. Further in is the dining area, which, chockablock with light-colored tables and chairs, looks like the showroom for an unpainted furniture warehouse. But the real action is outside, where, when the weather’s good, hundreds of young Queens go-getters lurk, likely attractive and probably sauced. Ladies sport oversized white sunglasses, guys smoke cigarettes and wear designer tennies, and everyone sits at picnic tables atop concrete and gravel, drinking large mugs of imported lagers, pilsners and hefeweizens. It’s a typical beer garden—not fancy, but familial. At the center sits a large bandstand where, if you’re lucky, you’ll see performances by folks outfitted in traditional Bohemian garb. Think bonnets and bodices.
The building’s upstairs houses a Czech and Slovak school, not to mention a full-on dance floor complete with disco ball. (If you play your cards right, you might get the opportunity to learn some folk steps from resident children’s dance group Limborá ek-Limborá ik.) The space also offers an entertainment schedule sure to please Czech nationals and outer borough indie-rockers alike, including jazz shows, ping pong tournaments, low budget films and one-man plays.
Run by the Bohemian Citizens’ Benevolent Society of Astoria, Bohemian Hall is a hundred years old, and bills itself as the “last original remaining Beer Garden” in the city. Consider it your role as amateur international goodwill ambassador, then, to order up an extra Hoegaarden.
Dive Bar Rating
Botanica
47 E. Houston Street (Greene Street & Mott Street) Transit: 6, B, D, F, M to Broadway-Lafayette
(212) 343-7251
When the young folks at Milano’s Bar are scared off by the middle-aged drunks, they head over to Botanica, just a few yards away. As opposed to the old New York flavor of Milano’s, Botanica is decorated like the owners went on a shopping spree at a Midwestern garage sale. You’ve never seen such an assortment of rickety Formica tables, lamps made from booze bottles, mirrors that look like they belong on a pirate ship and Chinese lanterns. The atmosphere is reminiscent of 169 Bar, minus the noir element.
In the back there’s an isolated room that theoretically offers a bit of privacy when it’s slow, although when I go it’s usually full of twenty-something girls cackling hysterically. Up front the bartender is prematurely balding and usually wearing an orange cardigan sweater. He serves up drinks like an $8 wasabi martini and something that requires minced ginger, which he carefully spoons out of a jar.
If you like fancy drinks coupled with grungy décor, this is your place. The bathrooms are not only unmarked, but they lack door handles as well. A piece of graffiti inside one reads, “Faux-tanica!” but that’s a bit unfair. Botanica might not be the diviest dive around, but its hipsters are spirited, its floors are sloped, and its furniture seems to come directly from Muncie, Indiana. If you’re a baby boomer you belong at Milano’s, but if you’re young and you’re not having a good time at Botanica, then you should probably have another drink.
Dive Bar Rating
UNLIKELY TO HAVE HIPSTERS
Irene’s Pub
Puerto Rico USA Bar
Holland Bar
| Irish Eyes
Desmond’s Tavern
Homestretch Pub
Joe’s Bar & Grill
Crehan’s Pub
Station Cafe
Brooklyn Ice House
318 Van Brunt St (Pioneer St and King St) Transit: Cab it from Carroll Street subway stop (F)
(718) 222-1865
If it’s true, per rumor, that the Brooklyn Ice House and the dive bar sitting right next to it, Red Hook Bait & Tackle, send each other their drunks when they get out of hand, then Red Hook Bait & Tackle surely gets the short end of the stick, as you’ll generally find an artier crowd there than the hard-poundin’, hard eatin’ lot that populate the Ice House, although the latter’s folks are not necessarily unsophisticated.
Formerly known as Pioneer Bar-B-Q, the place serves up beef brisket and pulled pork sandwiches, and is also known for its cheap shots—$3, all the time—and its potty mouth humor. (Sign in the front window: “Have you pulled your pork today?”) But what struck me is how the Ice House somehow perfectly walks a line between highbrow and lowbrow. For every un-tethered dog licking your ankles and gap-toothed fat guy grinning creepily, there’s a dude typing on his laptop and a $7 Belgian beer on tap. (Try the La Chouffe. It’s good, kind of an herbal taste. My wife told me that.)
They’ve also got a Family Guy pinball machine (lowbrow) and board games including Candy Land (highbrow), Boggle (highbrow) and Pop Smarts (lowbrow). Your ass will feel every single spring in the vinyl booth running along the side of the wall, but you won’t notice it, so busy will you be trying to figure out what music is playing overhead. It’s the Miami Vice theme song, you’ll finally realize, but as to whether that’s highbrow or lowbrow, it’s impossible to say.
Dive Bar Rating
Bushwick Country Club
618 Grand St (Leonard St & Lorimer St) Transit: G,L to Metropolitan Ave-Lorimer St
www.bushwickcountryclub.com (718) 388-2114