Finding Love at Hedgehog Hollow. Jessica Redland
There I was in jeans, a loose white top and flip flops, minimal make-up, with my hair pulled back into a low ponytail, not much different to how I wore it for work. And there was Chloe… being Chloe. All it had taken was one look across a crowded room and the sparks had flown. The thing James was missing with me, he’d just found with my cousin. Of all the women in all the world…
I pushed the door open and stepped back into the function room. Warmth and laughter engulfed me and I pushed my shoulders back. Mingle. Enjoy yourself. He’ll come and find you soon and you can act like everything’s fine. You’re used to that.
The following morning, I picked up Gramps and drove to Great Tilbury. We managed to walk the full length of the village and back again, including a pause to feed the ducks, without either of us mentioning Chloe and James but, as soon as he suggested elevenses in April’s Tea Parlour, I knew we couldn’t put it off any longer.
‘You and James,’ he said as soon as our drinks were delivered. ‘Talk to me.’
‘There’s not much to talk about. I love James and he doesn’t love me. Simple as that.’
‘He told you this?’
‘Three months ago at Hannah and Toby’s wedding.’
‘Does he know how you feel about him?’
I twiddled with my ponytail. ‘No. We’re only together until he finds the missing spark with someone else.’
Gramps exhaled slowly and shook his head as he poured milk into his cup. ‘You know that phrase your nanna used to say? If you love something, you have to set it free.’
My shoulders drooped. ‘Yes. The thing is, I know the rest of that saying and I know he won’t come back.’
‘Then he was never yours, was he?’
A tear slipped down my cheek and I quickly swiped it away. ‘I’ve always known that.’
‘Your nanna also said that the fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose.’
I frowned at him. ‘I’ve never heard that phrase in my life. What does it mean?’
‘It means that an act of kindness – like the one that you already know you’re about to do – will benefit the giver too.’ He put his hand over mine. ‘It might take a while for you to feel the benefit but everything—’
‘—happens for a reason,’ I finished. ‘I know. And thanks for noticing what happened last night.’
‘I’ve always noticed everything about you. I’ve noticed how you always step into the shadows and let your cousin shine. I’ve noticed how a harsh word or look from your mum hurts you yet you don’t rise to it. I’ve noticed how you talk down your accomplishments and make a fuss of everyone else’s, as though nothing you do is important. But I want you to know that you shine like a diamond, my angel. Don’t let anyone make you believe that you don’t.’
‘Thank you. That’s so lovely of you, Gramps.’ I poured the tea into both our cups and sighed. ‘I don’t know if I can bear to see James and Chloe together.’
‘You don’t know that will happen. Yes, something was there last night, but a successful relationship is so much more than physical attraction. They might not get together or, if they do, it might not last. Then he’ll be out of both your lives and you can move on.’
‘I know. I mustn’t assume the worst.’
Gramps added half a spoonful of sugar to his tea and stirred it slowly. ‘When will you end it?’
I released a slow, steady breath. ‘We’re meeting up for dinner on Tuesday. I’ll do it then.’
‘It will be hard but you know it’s the right thing, don’t you?’
‘I know, Gramps.’ My head told me it should have happened months ago, but my heart still wanted to cling on.
‘Promise me you’ll let him go.’ He fixed his kind grey eyes on mine and squeezed my hand. ‘Find your forever instead.’
‘I will, Gramps. I promise.’
When I got back home, I sent James a short text saying I’d had a lovely day with Gramps, I hoped the stag do was going well, and that I looked forward to seeing him on Tuesday. He responded with the thumbs up, pint of beer and zany face emojis. I lay on my bed, the phone resting on my chest, a feeling of loss enveloping me. Next time I saw James, I’d be ending it. Would that be goodbye or would I see him again… as Chloe’s boyfriend? I did an involuntary shudder at the thought.
6
The following morning, I awoke feeling empty, knowing I was a day closer to saying goodbye to James.
From the minute I went downstairs to make a cup of tea, my very presence seemed to irritate Mum.
‘Thanks for putting the washing on yesterday,’ she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she sorted through the laundry basket.
'You told me to leave it because you wanted to wash the trousers you were wearing yesterday.’
‘You could have done the lights.’
There was no point responding. It was a classic no-win scenario with which I was all too familiar. If I’d done the light wash, I’d have been told off for ignoring her instructions not to do the washing.
‘Would you like a cup of tea?’ I asked.
‘Do I look like I have time for tea?’
Stay calm. Count to three… ‘Is there anything you’d like me to do?’
‘I’d like you to get out of my kitchen so I can get on with the washing.’
‘Is there anything else I can do to help? Shopping? Cleaning?’
‘If I have to ask you to do it, then it’s not really helping, is it?’
I hated that meaningless phrase. Every time I showed the initiative to do something without being asked, she bit my head off for not doing it to her exacting standards. If I went shopping, I was always accused of buying the wrong brand or the wrong size. If I cleaned, I allegedly missed a bit so she had to do it all again.
I hated letting Mum see that she’d upset me so I showered and dressed then nipped into Whitsborough Bay to print off the photos from Gramps’s party.
Sitting in my car, I flicked through the photos, my heart racing at an image of Chloe and James together. I lightly stroked James’s face and sighed, the loss already stabbing at my heart, then gently placed the photos back in my bag and set off towards Meadowcroft.
There was no answer when I rang the bell so I unlocked the door and let myself in. Gramps had given me a key after Nanna died, saying he spent more time in the garden than the house and would never see me if I relied on him hearing the bell.
I called his name as I stepped into the hall. It was unusually dark and an uneasiness clawed at me when I pushed open the lounge door. Why weren’t the curtains open?
‘Gramps?’ I called.
No answer.
‘Gramps? It’s after eleven. Are you still in bed?’
I tentatively pushed open his bedroom door but he wasn’t there. The curtains were open and the bed was made. I took a few deep breaths to still my