Hard to Love. Joseph Nowinski

Hard to Love

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Special Praise for Hard to Love

“I can’t wait to give Hard to Love to both male and female clients involved in difficult relationships! Nowinski adroitly and sensitively integrates theory, clinical examples, and pragmatic strategies for both therapists and clients in this well-organized and engagingly written book. His sensitivity to gender issues and an under-recognized clientele is a huge contribution to the field of mental health.”

Barbara F. Okun, PhD

Professor, Northeastern University

“In Hard to Love, Dr. Nowinski explains a complex issue affecting men in a way that is at once easy to understand, interesting to read, and even, at times, entertaining. This book encourages men to be honest about themselves while simultaneously offering hope and help not only to the men, themselves, but to the people who love them.”

Kristine Tsetsi

Journalist and Author of Pretty Much True

“Dr. Nowinski’s knack for making complex clinical concepts clear comes through in his new book, Hard to Love. He remains a master of interweaving vignettes and cases to illustrate the clinical conditions that fly below the radar of many clinicians. His stories inject life into the textbook criteria and give the reader a new perspective on the subject. As with breast cancer in men and heart disease in women, many men with borderline personality suffer needlessly due to misdiagnoses. What’s more, Dr. Nowinski reminds us that persons with borderline personality don’t suffer alone. Everyone around a person with borderline personality disorder seems to suffer, and they will continue to suffer until someone identifies the core problem.

“Thank you, Dr. Nowinski, for a fresh perspective that will resonate with clinicians and people from all walks of life. Yes, men with borderline personality are difficult to love, but they are not impossible to love. I find it difficult not to love this book and nearly impossible to put down once you pick it up!”

Robert Doyle, MA, DDS, MD

Assistant Medical Director,

McLean Child and Adolescent Inpatient Unit

Harvard Medical School

Co-author with Joseph Nowinski of Almost Alcoholic

HARD TO LOVE

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Publisher: Central Recovery Press

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Las Vegas, NV 89129

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ISBN: 978-1-937612-58-0 (e-book)

This book contains general information about male borderline personality disorder. The information is not medical advice, and should not be treated as such. Central Recovery Press makes no representations or warranties in relation to the medical information in this book; this book is not an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. If you have any specific questions about any medical matter you should consult your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. If you think you or someone close to you may be suffering from any medical condition, you should seek immediate medical attention. You should never delay seeking medical advice, disregard medical advice, or discontinue medical treatment because of information in this or any book.

Central Recovery Press books represent the experiences of their authors only. Every effort has been made to ensure that events, institutions, and statistics presented in our books as facts are accurate and up-to-date.

To protect their privacy, the names of some of the people, places, and institutions in this book have been changed.

Cover design and interior design and layout by Sara Streifel, Think Creative Design.

For Gregory and Rebecca

with love

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The term borderline disorder was coined by psychiatrist Adolph Stern in 1938 to describe a group of symptoms that did not fall into either category of mental illness used at that time: neurosis or psychosis. Stern thought the symptoms exhibited by certain patients fell into the “border” between the two categories. The term “borderline” grew in usage among psychiatrists and psychoanalysts, until, in time, they began to consider the “Borderline Disorder” as a mood (or affective) disorder, rather than a type of schizophrenia (a thought disorder).

Today, the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) refers to people who have a negative self-image and who have a pattern of difficulty sustaining relationships. As a result they can have difficulty controlling their emotions and can be self-destructive. BPD can vary from mild to severe.

In this text, I refer to MBPD, or Male Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as simply BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). The two terms refer to the same constellation of causes, symptoms, and behaviors. However, while BPD is often accurately diagnosed and treated in women, the correct diagnosis, as well as appropriate treatment, is too frequently overlooked in men. That is what this book aims to address.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Foreword by Debra Mandel, PhD

Introduction

PART ONE: UNDERSTANDING BPD IN MEN

CHAPTER ONE

Men Who Are Hard to Love

CHAPTER TWO

Beginnings: The Myth of the Tough Boy

CHAPTER THREE

MBPD: Misunderstood, Mistreated Men

CHAPTER FOUR

The Spectrum of MBPD