Inside Out: A Pagan Tale for the Child Within. Heather Brunton
girl is with a guide from Euphoria. They seem to be heading this way.’ The leader of the motley crew spoke harshly, belying his own timidity when faced with Fear.
The dark jellylike mass that was Fear trembled now, full of rage and anger. ‘You utter fools. Why have you allowed her to return full of new strength? You must terrify her into a quivering mass before she reaches here or she’ll have the power to reverse all I’ve worked so hard to create.’
He waved his long tentacles to indicate the empire of despondency that lay above and around him. From his lair beneath the beehive, he could observe all of the negative energies that fell into the cauldron of green bile above his cave. He paused to suck on a nearby straw and dribbled the slimy bile that was food for his mass. The drooling mouth and fetid smell made the hardened colonel quake in fright.
‘Stop her or your days are numbered,’ Fear roared.
The colonel drew back from the foul stench.
‘Yes sir. Right away sir!’ And off he ran, his timidity when face to face with Fear quickly replaced by his own hate towards the girl. The pain in his leg was evident by his awkward gait and it was a constant reminder of the depth of the wound she’d inflicted and the even deeper wound to his pride. When he caught her, as he was sure he would, he might tear her fingernails out and cut her skin back with his whip. No, he would…? Ah, the possibilities were endless and they were balm to his mind. Calling to his troops, they left the den to direct Doubt soldiers to spread out in a wall that could sweep the hill.
‘They’re spread out in every direction over the hill.’ said Maisey.
Rendal looked thoughtful. ‘There is another way but it requires going within the maze of the Id hill from a point further down, then traversing the interior.’
Maisey looked hopeful so he continued. ‘It will take more effort on your part but the rewards will be greater as you come to know yourself better.’ Rendal saw doubt cloud her eyes. ‘Of course, if you’re not up to it you can call off the challenge.’
‘Then what? Do I stay in this state forever?’
‘It’s entirely up to you. Soon you must return to Earth. It’s your choice the state of mind you return in.’ Rendal was silent as he allowed his words to take effect.
Thinking about how she felt was a new thing for Maisey. She could feel doubt wash over her like a wave, leaving her in a state of limbo. Neither up nor down yet a certain sadness, a resignation. Was this how she wanted to feel the rest of her life? No! To live in this state was worse than fear or failure but trying to remember happiness or victory was hard. Looking at her watch, she felt drawn suddenly, pulled into its depths.
Now is the time to take a stand, it seemed to say.
There she was playing in the garden at home; all the flowers were in bloom. She saw and felt the world through the eyes of a child, untouched by pain. Her father’s voice called to her and a wave of love washed over her being. She felt secure and happy. Then she was back with Rendal who now sat watching her.
Where did the happiness go? she wondered.
‘It’s always been there, it’s just your attitude has changed.’ said Rendal, reading her thoughts. ‘You felt secure from your parents love. They made all of your decisions for you but now it’s your turn. It’s time to think for yourself and with that comes responsibility, for there is only yourself to blame if you choose wrongly. As you will on occasion.’
Maisey thought about it before committing herself. ‘Better to try than to stay here,’ she said at last. ‘Nothing to lose really.’
Rendal shook his head, ‘Well that’s something I guess. Come on.’
He led her down the hill under the cover of trees. As they walked, Maisey wondered at the bond that was growing between herself and Rendal. It seemed to be a long time since she had trusted anyone and she knew it was his help and kindness that told her deep inside that he cared. He helped her down a steep embankment to the bottom of the hill. Bending, he pulled back shrubs to reveal an opening in the rock.
‘This is where your journey begins. I must leave you but if you need advice, ask and the answer will come. Remember also that this is the land of Id and the general thought is logical. At school you’ve been taught to use logic to solve mathematical and scholarly problems but with life’s problems there may be many answers that have nothing to do with logic. These are the answers that come from the heart and this is how you must solve Id’s problems. You must forget logic in this land where ego rules.’ Rendal patted Maisey’s hand. ‘Don’t look so worried.’
CHAPTER SIX
Maisey watched him go with great reluctance. Only when he was completely out of sight did she begin her quest. Squeezing between the rocks she pulled herself through the darkness to a damp cave. A glow opposite marked where a trail wound upward and seemed to be the only way to go, other than from where she had entered. The sound of dripping water broke the silence as she let her eyes adjust to the dimness of the cavern.
Water ran down the moss covered walls to land in puddles on the rock floor. As well as the dripping, Maisey could hear a faint scuffling. Proceeding toward the sound she got down on her hands and knees and felt the floor in the darkness. The scuffling sound seemed to be nearer and crawling she edged cautiously toward it. Her head hit something sharp and she had to use her hands to try to work out what it was. She felt along the lower wall of the cavern but with nowhere else to go she sat back on her haunches and listened. There it was again, the scuffling, though now she felt as if she were right on top of it. There were no apertures in the rock walls and as her eyes grew further accustomed to the darkness she carefully ran her hands along the floor. Ah. There was a small gap, merely a crack in the earth where the floor met the wall and as her hands felt out its circumference she found a thin mossy vine that grew from the wall and down into the crack. She pulled it upward and it seemed heavy to her hand, where she had expected it to come away easily. Then slowly she pulled it right up and out of the hole. Something was caught on the end and she almost tossed it back down but remaining calm, she broke it off the wall and holding it away from her, crawled back to the light of the larger cavern. It looked like a ball of wet mud as she held it out but a slight movement made her jump quickly back. As it dropped to the floor it unrolled. Cautiously she nudged it, at which it groaned and rolled over revealing itself to be a small mouse covered in mud. Her fear was gone, and she lifted its tiny body and cradled it to her.
In the light, Maisey made out puncture marks encrusted with blood that covered the partly conscious creature. Pulling out her hanky, she cleaned dirt and blood from the mouse’s face and at her ministrations it opened its eyes. Languid green, they seemed to reach down into Maisey’s body and tug at her heart strings.
‘What happened to you?’ she asked.
‘I was attacked by Doubt soldiers. I escaped and ran in here to hide but I didn’t see the crack until I was falling and lucky for me there was a vine to break my fall. I thought I was history till you found me. Thank you.’ He smiled gratefully. ‘My name’s Noil, what’s your name?’
‘Maisey.’
‘What are you doing here?’
She explained her quest to find the Rock while she fed him biscuit crumbs from her pocket.
‘Maybe I can help you in your quest,’ said Noil. ‘You see, I’ve been stuck in this land for quite some time and know its ways.’
‘How did you get here?’ asked Maisey.
‘The land where I come from is called Fortitude. Everyone that lives there must, at my age, travel here in order to find themselves before they may return and dwell in peace.’
‘How do you find yourself?’ asked Maisey.
‘I’m not really sure but others have done so but the way is secret to the