The Captain's Journal. Hans M.C. Mateboer
you notice that gentlemen who walked by, and weren’t you amazed by his looks? It’s quite incredible.”
Of course I’d seen the gentlemen, but had noticed nothing uncommon about him. To the contrary, from the fleeting sight I had mostly of his backside, he looked like a nice guy, even vaguely familiar. Probably a frequent cruiser and thus more likely to bring this harassment up with the company. Impatiently I mentioned this to Johnnie and told him to carry on.
“But Captain, he looks exactly like you, like a mirror image. Why, the first time…”
“What?”
“Yes, I’m terribly embarrassed. I’ve made a complete fool of myself.”
Again he grabbed his head and started to shake it. That he’d embarrassed himself wasn’t news to me, but I still was in the dark as to the why and how. It was now that his voice started to reach an ever-higher pitch.
“Oh, Captain, when we met in the bus,” continuing with a whining sound, “I didn’t look too closely at you, sitting side by side. Then I came on board and a day or so later, I saw this gentlemen and I thought it was you. I even told all my friends that he was the captain. Now I remember we even tried to get a few free drinks from you – I mean him, but you were none too nice about it. Very much unlike you were in the bus.”
“Well, fine, but that doesn’t explain his running away from you, pulling his wife behind him.”
“Well, yes, I mean, no. The thing is that I saw him in a bar and thinking it was you, I approached him and winked very meaningfully at him and at the woman he was sitting next to and hugging. I remarked that he was very fast and asked if she had been to his cabin…I mean yours.”
“My cabin!” Slowly I put the picture together and didn’t like it one little bit. “So you assumed that I would…”
“Well, yes. I didn’t know you and I thought maybe you…”
“That’s quite enough!” I snapped at him, not wanting to hear what he thought I was capable of. “Tell me what happened then.”
“Well, he looked at me as if he didn’t know me, which now I realize was the case, but I thought he was acting and I kept on saying one embarrassing thing after another until he got very red in the face and told me to get lost. Luckily I left it at that. Oh dear, oh dear. I saw him the next day dressed in an old tee shirt and faded shorts and remarked that a man in his position could get away with murder walking around like that. Oh, Captain, I thought it was you, but then when I saw you both here today, I thought I would die. What shall I do? Oh dear, oh dear.”
Listening to and visualizing as the story unfolded, my mind quickly changed from aggravation to pleasure to pain. The last one, when I bit my lips trying to keep from laughing out loud. This was a relief. First the fact that Johnnie was a normal guy after all, and second, this was extremely funny. I was sure that the still unknown passenger, who apparently was so like me in looks, would have a similar sense of humor. I decided to find out who he was and tell him about it, because obviously this could not be left to Johnnie. I hope that Johnnie will use this adventure in one of his comedy routines, because I’m sure he can get some laughs from it.
Chapter 6
Formal Night
Formal night! The name alone brings up memories of the elegance and glamour of a bygone era. A time when travel on passenger ships was associated with dinner jackets, cigars, and port for the men and evening gowns and expensive jewelry for the ladies. As such, formal nights have preceded the present industry by many decades. When they first became fashionable I don’t know, but it must have been during the golden age of the transatlantic liners in the twenties and thirties of the past century when the grandeur on board ships reached unparalleled heights. That all the stories about those beautiful ships were true only for those very few who could afford a first class ticket is often forgotten.
Most of today’s cruise lines picked up the tradition and have kept this, in my eyes, beautiful custom alive, much to the delight of most passengers. I don’t think the companies have a real strong feeling one way or the other. They simply do what they believe the passengers want and there’s no mistaking what is desired.
After all, don’t the women spend countless hours preparing for this? Starting with buying their sparkling outfits, visiting just about every shop in town and beyond. Then the dressing up and the careful application of a great variety of makeup and powders to match the dress. Jewelry is selected, put on and then put back in the box again, in a quest to find just that piece that goes with the color of the eyes, the nail polish, or the other way around. No doubt, there are many more things to be thought of, most of which a simple man like myself hasn’t the sheer brainpower to remember. I have a very strong feeling that when the actual night is there and everybody is out-sparkling the other, it’s a bit of a letdown, like the last act of a marvelous play.
Most of the men pretend that dressing up is not for them, but they secretly enjoy it. Forgotten is the aggravation of buying their outfits and the desperate struggle to get stiff collars to fit around necks that seem to have grown another inch or two since the last cruise. Not to speak of the considerable investment in putting it all together which has to pay off in the satisfaction of adding to such a festive atmosphere.
Walking through a ship on a formal night is a feast for the eyes. Everybody looks good and is happy. Music is playing everywhere and the passengers are dancing and enjoying themselves. And the officers, even though it’s routine, enjoy walking around in their dashing outfits. Like the passengers, we too go through the hardship of putting everything together. Some parts of our uniform are obtained through the company, while others, usually the smaller and easy to lose items, we have to take care of ourselves. Bow ties, studs, and buttons are items easy to forget when packing to go to a ship.
Back on board after a vacation, it’s always the same when just before the first formal night, one discovers that something has gone missing. A frantic search for a cufflink or a small retaining pin while the time to go on stage is rapidly approaching is all too common. This usually results in an innocent junior officer ruthlessly being separated from this precious possession, in turn leaving him stranded for the evening.
I remember one time when there was a chronic shortage of gold chains used to hold the front of formal jackets together. The hotel storekeeper unknowingly became the source of this crucial part of the uniform. The poor man, unaware of the desperation among the officers, had mentioned that the latest batch of expensive cognac had come with a cute little chain around the necks of the bottles. The week following this innocent remark, just about every officer had small jobs to perform in the wine store like testing a sprinkler head or checking a drain. Slowly just about every chain disappeared from the cognac bottles and the officers unwittingly started to advertise for Hennessey!
It was during an early evening, just before I had to introduce the senior officers on stage, when I walked through the public rooms. My uniform was splendidly complete. This time, when I returned to the ship after my vacation, I wisely checked the smallest detail and counted every button to make sure everything was there. Apart from the pants being a little tight around the waist after the laundry had washed it in hot water, nothing was amiss.
With obvious pleasure I watched every room buzzing with activities and excitement. The bars were full, the crew was busy serving every possible exotic drink, and couples were dancing to the tunes the ship’s bands were playing. When I approached the casino, even before walking in, it was obvious to me that a brisk business was being conducted. The sound of the bells and clinking of the coins in the trays could distinctly be heard even two rooms away.
It was busy in the corridor, too. Women moved gracefully along in beautiful dresses, talking animatedly and often sipping an expensive cocktail, which was a sight of tremendous satisfaction since I was often pressed to help produce more revenue. I couldn’t help but notice a slender woman walking in front of me. From the back, her dress was stunning, and mostly because it was so very deeply cut, with the sides held together with an amazing number of thin straps crisscrossing her back. I marveled at this incredible