Phantoms & Specters. Lisa Yorio
day at work and called my roommate to ask how he was. She said the same. He was just lying on his bed breathing funny. I had a gut feeling something was wrong. I raced to get home. He had allergy problems so the first thing I thought was has he developed a severe allergy or maybe asthma. I fed him some Mighty Dog, some chicken, and gave him some water. I had to carry it over to him because he would not get up and move. He was a stubborn, tough, little dog, so it was hard to tell if he was in any kind of pain. I didn't know what to do so I put some hot steam in front of his nostrils, I massaged his neck and shoulders and then I wiped him down with a cold cloth. Nothing seemed to help.
A few months before this I purchased another black pug that I named Spooky from the humane society in Missouri. I thought I would get him to keep Kiki company in his last few years. KiKi seemed very excited when I first brought him home. His little tail actually wagged. It hadn't wagged like that in years. I had just bought a house so I was finally able to get another animal.
Spooky was very smart and affectionate. He seemed to sense that KiKi was sick, and he stayed by his side constantly. I was getting ready to take KiKi to the vet, I looked over at Spooky and said go take care of KiKi for me while I get ready. Spooky looked at me then he ran over to KiKi and sat down next to him; then he curled up with him on the bed. I couldn't believe it. He actually listened to me and did exactly what I asked him to do. I was amazed.
I had to leave KiKi overnight in the oxygen tank at the vet's office. I was reluctant to go but I kept reassuring myself, I will see him tomorrow morning. About an hour and a half after leaving the office, the phone rang. It was about 10:30pm. My roommate answered and the vet gave her the tragic news. My knees fell to the floor and I started crying hysterically then I ran to the bathroom throwing up. I was devastated and shocked that it happened so quickly. When I left the office I looked over at him and said "I love you, l'll see you tomorrow". He looked energetic and back to his normal self. I couldn't believe it. I think that he waited for me to leave so he could pass away without me seeing it. I also think he held on all day until I got home, so he could say goodbye to me. He had been struggling all day to breathe while I was at work and I didn't even know that until I got home. According to the vet, they were amazed that he held on so long with the low level of oxygen that he was breathing.
I was just starting to fall asleep around 10:30pm, and I thought I heard something. I opened my eyes and I saw a quick streak of light come from my bookcase to my bed. It was a whitish tan color. Kiki was tan and had some black and white patches. I saw this so quick from my peripheral vision. Then I felt movement at the bottom of my bed. About an hour later, I heard a slight sound near my closet. It sounded like walking in the direction of the water bowl. I could also hear a light rattle of a metal tag hitting a collar. It sounded exactly like Kiki's tag. He had a metal tag with a K on it that I gave him for his birthday. When he jumped off the bed at night he would walk over to his water bowl and I could hear his tag hit against his collar. I knew it wasn't my other dog Spooky because he was right against me sound asleep. I knew it was Kiki. I was a little stunned, I looked around but I didn't see anything. I fell back to sleep.
Later that night about 3:00am in the morning; I felt something move at the edge of my bed. Then I felt something move to the right side of me. This is the same spot where Kiki slept and where he would walk over to me so I could pet him. Then I felt it again about ten minutes later. I sensed it was KiKi coming to say goodbye. I was startled at first, then I felt happy that he came to see me one last time or so I thought.
11/18/11
The next night about 2:00am, I felt the same movement at the bottom of the bed where KiKi used to sleep. This time I felt a little better. I wasn't as sad. It felt like a shiny, warm, glowing light engulfed my body. It is very hard to explain. It felt like positive energy. I felt like I was receiving a message from Kiki. He was letting me know that he is ok and happy and does not want me to be so sad. I truly believe he is in heaven and now is a Pug Angel watching over me.
11/19/11
A few days after Kiki passed away I went shopping to keep my mind off of things. I was walking in a store and I passed by the dog section and I immediately started crying hysterically. Suddenly a song came on the radio called "The Power of Goodbye" by Madonna. This is one of my favorite songs and very sad an emotional but it has a powerful meaning. I knew instantly it was a message from Kiki trying to help me with my grief. Later that day when I got home I felt a little bit better. It was Saturday afternoon, and I was sitting on the couch watching T.V. All of a sudden I got a weird sensation, almost of instant happiness and I felt a release of all my sad emotions. I think I was learning to accept Kiki's death and I was starting to realize he lived a long happy life and it was just his time to go. Another weird thing happened around the same time. I noticed Spooky started running, barking, and playing like he did with Kiki. It was in the same spot on the carpet where Kiki's bed was located. It looked like he was playing with something that was invisible. It only lasted for a few minutes, but I think Kiki came back to visit Spooky and say goodbye to him.
11/20/11
The next day I was having a hard time. I was crying when I woke up, in the shower, when I was in my walk in closet trying to get dressed, and in the store. I went to the movies with my friend to get my mind off the depression. Then I felt like I received another message from Kiki. The movie I thought was going to be scary but ironically it was about a man learning to let go of his wife and children's death. I am watching the movie then the man said the nickname for his daughter was Dee- Dee, I couldn't believe it. What are the odds I was in shock. Of all the movies that I could have possible gone to, this one mentions a name similar to his. Then the dead wife comes to visit the husband and says "Don't worry I will be with you all the time", Of course, I started crying thinking that is what Kiki was trying to tell me. The night before I called my parents to tell them about Kiki. My stepmother had also said to me Kiki will be with you all the time.
11/21/11
A few days after Kiki's passing, I noticed the most amazing thing. My other pug named Spooky, which I've had only a few months, started taking on many characteristics that Kiki had. His behavior had changed from being shy and docile to energetic and obnoxious like Kiki. He also started sleeping in Kiki's bed and house. I think he sensed that he was gone and was missing him. I truly believe animals can communicate with each other. I feel like either part of Kiki's soul is living inside Spooky or that Kiki somehow told spooky to act like him in order to comfort me. His mannerisms are so much like Kiki that it was reminding me that Kiki is not totally gone. He is still living on through Spooky.
11/22/11
I was at work and it was getting towards the end of the day. I was looking at my calendar and I started doodling flowers around Kiki's name. I had marked the day that he passed away. I'm not sure why I did this, I just did. Then I picked up "High Desert Dog" magazine that was on my book self. I forgot it was there. The first page that I opened up and looked at was a page that Kiki was on. I had entered him into a contest the year before and he made it into the magazine. I looked at the picture closely; it was Kiki in his prime, surrounded by beautiful yellow flowers. I felt happy looking at him and I smiled. I felt like it was his way of saying hello.
When I got home, my roommate Val walked over to me and handed me a wooden box. It contained the remains of Kiki. I had him cremated and the vet's office said it would be at least another week until we received them. I was in shock but happy to get them sooner than expected. On the outside of the wooden box were engraved flowers, just like the ones in Kiki's picture. Of course, I cried. It was another message from Kiki. Then she told me he was cremated on Saturday around the same time that I felt the strange sensation of happiness. I believe that was the moment that Kiki's soul went to Heaven.
11/27/11
I received from the vet's office an ornament with Kiki's footprint. I didn't know that I would be getting this in the mail. I was surprised and very emotional. I started crying. I started looking through the rest of my mail and I noticed a catalog. I flipped through the magazine and I came across a book titled "All Dogs