Pretty Boy - If I Come After You Beware 'Cos Hell's Coming With Me. Roy Shaw

Pretty Boy - If I Come After You Beware 'Cos Hell's Coming With Me - Roy Shaw


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I felt a searing pain in my head. It felt as though my brain was frying. My body tightened. Then nothing …

      I woke up in a white room with a crisp white sheet tight across my shoulders. At first, I was puzzled. I didn’t know where I was. I looked at the strangers lying in the beds either side of me. I felt strange. Peaceful. Calm. I had never felt like that before. It was then I realised I had become one of those poor souls with the vacant look in their eyes.

      Slowly, my memory started flooding back. That room. The equipment. Those dials. A nurse told me I had been given ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) and that I was going to have eight sessions of it.

      A few days later, a nurse came back to take me for the second ECT, and this time I was a bit more wary. When I walked into the treatment room there were more male nurses than before. I discovered later that when I’d had my first ECT I convulsed so badly and lashed out so much that I hurt a few of the male nurses who’d been holding me down. This time they were taking no chances. There were four nurses holding my legs on each side and four holding my arms. Just in case.

      After my eight treatments of ECT, the German doctor came to see me and explained that my brain cells had been muddled up – effectively, the electric shock treatment had exploded them. When the cells had settled back down, they were supposed to heal in basically the right place. He said that ECT was vital for my recovery. I thought what a load of bollocks it all was, and that the imaginary Jean and John had a lot to answer for.

      I stayed at the German asylum for six weeks, after which I was shipped back to England to an army institution called Netley in Southampton. I remained at Netley until I was given a dishonourable discharge for being mad. That was the first time I came face to face with insanity. But it certainly wasn’t to be my last.

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