Homecoming Day. Holly Jacobs
what he had and trying to picture what he had to do in order to turn them into a crib.
Laura left to start a load of baby clothes in the machine, and he said, “JT, look at this paragraph. See if it makes sense to you.” He thrust the instructions at the girl.
She studied them for a moment and shrugged. “I don’t get it.”
“Could you read that paragraph while I try to follow along?”
JT studied the text, then shook her head. “No.” She turned her back on him and started to sketch outlines on the wall.
He looked up and saw Laura standing in the doorway with a puzzled expression on her face as she stared at JT. “Why don’t I help you?” she asked him. Laura read the instructions, step-by-step. And gradually, he made progress. She held a side as he screwed the headboard in place.
Forty-five minutes later, they had a crib.
“I’m gonna paint soon, Ms. Watson. You shouldn’t be in the fumes.”
“Okay. I’ll make lunch.” Seth jumped to his feet and offered her a hand. At first, he thought she wasn’t going to take it, but good sense won out and she did. He got her to her feet and she headed into the hall.
Seth hung behind. “Can I do anything to help, JT?”
JT shook her head. “Nah. I like working on my own.”
“I get that. But sometimes everybody needs a hand. Remember, I’m here. So’s Ms. Watson. We’re here to help with whatever you need.”
JT turned toward him. “I know we’re talking about more than helping with a mural. You’re trying to be real sly and make sure I know that you two care. I sort of already figured it out. I don’t know why. Why do you like me? I’m not the kind of kid most cops latch on to. And I can’t figure out why Ms. Watson likes me. She’s the only teacher at the school who does.”
“That’s not true.”
JT snorted. “Yeah, it is. Of course, I’m a pain in the ass in class. I don’t turn in homework and don’t apply myself. I’m disruptive and according to one very helpful teacher, there’s a chance I’m heading for a life of crime. She’s got a whole list of things I do and don’t do. Most of the time what I do do, I shouldn’t. And what I don’t do, I should. It’s no way to endear yourself to the powers-that-be. I guess they have a reason not to really like me, which only makes it weirder that Ms. Watson seems to.”
“So, why not apply yourself?”
“Why should I?”
Seth couldn’t help but think of his mom. He knew exactly what she’d say if she were here. “My mom had this option speech. She’d say, you should always do your best in every class, no matter how much work it takes because each of those grades represents your future options. Maybe your future job won’t depend on your grade in biology, but maybe you’ll decide you want to be a doctor. Maybe you’ll have this burning desire that eats at you—a feeling that your life won’t be complete unless you become a doctor. Well, if you flunked out of your science classes, you won’t have that option.”
He’d heard the speech so many times growing up, it was like he was channeling Deborah Keller. “If she said that to me once, she said it a thousand times. For her, it wasn’t about the grades, or the teachers, it was about me. About giving me the world. So, maybe you should give yourself as much of a chance as possible.”
“Maybe I’m dumb enough that all the chances and all the trying in the world won’t give me many choices, so what does it matter?”
Before he could come up with a response, JT pulled out some earbuds, stuck them in her ears and turned on an iPod, effectively tuning him out and his obviously unwanted advice.
He went back to the boxes and pulled out the pieces of a highchair. It was much easier to put together than the crib. Twenty minutes later, he carried it to the kitchen. “Where should this go?”
Laura smiled. “It’s great, isn’t it? How about we put it here.” She gestured to the side of the table. “I normally use this chair, so it will be close. I bought a little cloth cushion for it. It’s somewhere in all those boxes and bags.”
“I’ll find it. JT will holler at both of us if you try going into that room while she’s painting.” He paused. “She thinks she’s dumb.”
“Pardon?”
“I was talking to JT about leaving her options open by getting good grades, and it was easy to tell from her response that she doesn’t think she could get good grades, even if she tried. So her philosophy seems to be, why bother?”
Laura chewed on her lip. “I’ll talk to some of her other teachers next week. She still has detention with me. I’m pretty sure she’ll be serving it until Thanksgiving, or after. I thought her teachers could tell me areas she needs help in and we could work on them while she’s my captive.”
Laura looked fierce. Determined to help JT, even if JT didn’t want the help. She reminded him of Allie. His wife had gone into social work, filled with ideals, ready to save the world.
Seeing that same sense of commitment in Laura made him feel closer to her. “I hate to see any kid this lost. When they feel that it’s hopeless…well, that’s when we see them at the station. I don’t want to find JT down there again.”
Laura tore some lettuce and put it into a huge wooden bowl. “There’s something about her, isn’t there?”
“She reminds me of me,” he admitted.
“Really?” She seemed surprised at the comparison.
Seth remembered what it felt like to think no one cared, to believe he had no future. “She’s in pain. I’m no psychiatrist, and I don’t know why, but I can see it. And I understand it, too. Every day since Allie died, I’ve hurt. It’s like this gaping wound that scabs over, but the scab keeps getting ripped off. It’s stupid things. Like holidays.” Christmas was less than a month away. That was one of the most excruciating holidays. But all of them were hard.
“A certain song,” Laura added. “The smell of his cologne as you walk through a store.”
Seth nodded. “Going out on a starlit night…Allie loved the stars. She could name all kinds of constellations and would point them out to me and tell me their stories. I’ve never been able to see them like she could. When the scab comes off, it leaves me bleeding again. Makes me feel so alone. I see that in JT.”
“Jay and I used to fight about the remote. Not really fight. It was one of those couple’s mock-battles. We’d laugh as we jockeyed for control. Now, every time I pick it up, I wish he was here. I’d…”
She didn’t need to finish the sentence because Seth got it. “Both of us understand pain and loneliness. Maybe that’s why we’re so drawn to JT and her problems.”
“I hadn’t thought of it that way.” Laura looked thoughtful.
“I know why we hurt…we’ve both lost people we love. I’m not sure why she maybe feels this way. But I think when we figure that out, we’ll be able to figure out how to reach her.”
“So, we’re allies?”
Seth liked the term. “That’s a perfect way to describe us. Allies. For JT’s sake.”
“I’ll talk to her teachers on Monday and maybe we’ll have some clue.”
“Maybe the school’s counselor?” he suggested.
“I can give it a try.” She paused. “Thanks for this.” She waved her hands between them. “Defining us as allies. It makes me feel better.”
He must have looked confused, because Laura continued, “I’ll confess, I haven’t let myself really think about it, but in the back of my mind, I thought maybe you were here because of Jay’s dad.”