Secrets in Store. Joanna Toye
‘But it’s no good being an ostrich, now, is it?’
‘No, you were quite right, Reg,’ Lily said firmly. ‘I need to face facts. It’s no good pretending.’
‘That’s what I think.’ Reg seemed relieved. ‘Just got to get on with it, haven’t we?’
Lily nodded. ‘I don’t envy you telling Mum about your posting, all the same.’
‘Oh, I expect she knows the score,’ said Reg. ‘You know what our mum’s like. She’s read your mind before you’ve even had the thought.’
Lily smiled. It was true that you couldn’t get much, if anything, past Dora.
‘At least it’s different for you – you’re years off call-up,’ Reg added consolingly. ‘Anyway, you’re far too valuable for Marlow’s to let you go!’
‘Definitely! Every time I put a boy’s sailor suit on the rail I feel I’m doing my bit!’
Laugh it off, that was the only way. ‘Keep smiling through’, as Vera Lynn had been singing last night, when Reg had finally found something cheerier to listen to.
‘Essential war work! Vital for morale!’ he assured her. ‘Now give us a kiss, ’cos I’ll be gone by the time you and Jim get back tonight.’
‘Bye, Reg,’ said Lily. She gave him not just a kiss, but a big tight hug as well. ‘Look after yourself.’
It was completely inadequate, of course, but it was what everyone said.
‘Will do. And make sure you write, once I’ve got an address.’
‘Of course I will. And you must tell us if you need anything.’
‘Well, it won’t be balaclavas,’ grinned Reg. ‘Though they say it gets cold at night, out under the stars and that big desert moon.’
‘Steady on,’ said Lily, ‘you’ll be writing poetry next!’
She was getting quite good at this ‘making light of it’ approach.
‘What, smoking a pipe and wearing a cravat? I don’t think so!’ countered Reg. He wasn’t so bad at it himself. ‘But it’s an adventure, eh – join the Army and see the world?’
Neither of them was really convinced, she could tell, and it rang even more hollow now she’d realised how soon ‘seeing the world’ might happen for Sid and Les – and for Jim too. Maybe ‘making light of it’ wasn’t the way forward after all.
Reg gave her another quick hug, then added, ‘Say hello to Gladys for me, won’t you?’
‘Yes, yes, of course.’
Gladys was her very best friend at Marlow’s. She was the other junior on Childrenswear and had generously shown Lily the ropes from her very first day. Reg had met her on the short leave he’d had in the autumn when Gladys had come to tea.
It was nice of Reg to remember Gladys, and she’d be touched, Lily knew. Shy, and to be honest rather plain, Gladys wasn’t someone who usually made much of an impression.
‘Are we going? Or is there an all-out strike I don’t know about?’
It was Jim: they needed to get moving, or they’d be in the late book!
They’d only reached the corner when Jim dropped his bombshell.
‘I’m leaving you here. I’m going in the other direction.’
‘What … why?’ queried Lily. ‘Is there an all-out strike that I don’t know about?’
‘I’m not going to work,’ he replied. ‘I’m going for a medical. An Army medical.’
Lily stared at him. After the realisation she’d had last night, this was too much.
‘But … already? Why? You’re not eighteen yet. Not for weeks.’
‘Doesn’t matter. I decided last week. Get the medical out of the way, then as soon as it’s my birthday, I’ll be ready to go.’
Lily swallowed hard, as best she could around the lump in her throat.
‘Hang on. You’ve done all this … without telling us?’
What she really meant was ‘without telling me’, but she could hardly say that.
‘Come off it, Lily. You’ve known it was coming. Anyway, I’m telling you now.’
‘I hate it when people say that! That’s no answer!’ Lily burst out. ‘And never mind me, what about Mum? Don’t you owe it to her to have said something? And why – why on earth didn’t you say anything last night? Reg gave you the chance – he fed you the line when he was talking about your call-up!’
Now she remembered the half-smile, the shrug, and the lack of a straight answer to Reg’s question. Now they spoke volumes.
‘Lily,’ said Jim evenly, ‘be fair. It was Reg’s first leave for ages, and his last for a good long while, from what he told us. Yesterday was about him being home with his family. I didn’t want to shove myself into that. And for goodness’ sake, it’s only a medical, there’s nothing to say till I pass!’
Lily looked at him, disbelieving. If he really thought that … and she’d thought they were friends! Didn’t friends share things? Jim looked straight back at her. Fine, thought Lily, if he wants a challenge … she certainly wasn’t going to be the first to look away – and she wasn’t.
‘I have to go,’ he said finally, unpeeling his eyes from hers. She’d won – but if there was ever a case of winning the battle but not the war, this was it. ‘You should too. Or you’ll be late.’
‘Thanks for your concern.’
Jim obviously noted the sarcasm but said nothing and took a step away. One step, but the first of many, perhaps.
‘I’ve cleared it with the staff office,’ he said calmly. ‘I’ve booked the whole day off. I don’t know how long it’ll take.’
‘No, well, you’ll want to be measured for your kit straight away, I expect, and put your name down for the most dangerous mission they’ve got,’ said Lily, seething at his forethought, furious that the typist in the staff office had known what she hadn’t. ‘Might as well get on with it, eh? The sooner you get issued with your bayonet and battledress the better.’
‘Don’t be like that.’
‘That’s another pointless and annoying thing people say!’
Because ‘like what’ exactly? How dare he presume to know what she was feeling? If he’d had any thought for her feelings at all, they wouldn’t be having this scene in the first place.
‘Lily,’ he spoke to her as if she were a child, ‘I’m going. There’s no talking to you in this mood.’
‘Well, what do you want me to say?’ Lily retorted childishly, then added, ‘Oh, I know. Of course. Good luck.’
‘Thank you,’ said Jim levelly. ‘See you tonight.’
And he was gone, straightening his glasses, pulling down his cuffs, tall and lanky in his threadbare overcoat. Oh, why had it come out like that? Angry and bitter and sullen, when what she really felt was … what was it? She felt betrayed – he’d betrayed their friendship, the closeness she’d thought they had. But more than that, she felt … bereft. And in a flash, she knew she felt for him far more than she’d properly feel for a friend.
Lily blinked – hard – and looked down at her feet. She could still see Jim walking away, but this time he was wearing an Army greatcoat and he was walking away down a crowded station platform to the troop train. She blinked again. Can’t cry, won’t cry, she thought, looking even more determinedly down. But the pavement was slimed with dirt from the melted snow, and