If I Loved You. Leigh Riker
You have me.
What kind of daughter was she? She loved Pop. Yet, sometimes, more often of late, she felt unsatisfied. As if he and Little Darlings and all her friends and family were not enough after all.
Frankly, she felt a little bit...trapped. Molly sure hoped Brig Collier’s sudden reappearance in her life had nothing to do with that.
ANN WALKER STARTLED at the first ring of the phone, though she should be used to it by now, since the phone had been ringing off and on all night. She had no intention of answering. In her darkened living room, she curled into her favorite chair, the TV set glowing but the sound muted. After the fourth ring she prepared to listen instead to her machine.
Jeff Barlow was finally leaving a message:
“Ann, if you don’t want to see a movie—then we can do something else. Take a walk along the river. Go bowling. Drive up to Columbus...”
Drive? He couldn’t have said anything worse. Frustrated, Ann snatched up the phone and launched right in.
“No,” she said. “To bowling or a walk or anything else. Maybe—just a thought here—you should give up.”
“Nope.” She actually heard a smile in his voice. He went on in that same unhurried manner, as if he meant to stay on the line until she surrendered. “You know, we have a new K-9 recruit in the department, and he reminds me of you.”
She tightened her grip on the phone.
“How flattering to be compared to a dog.”
The smile-by-wire broadened. “No, see, he’s this great-looking dog with honey-brown fur and big eyes that are kind of beige but gray, too, and a nice doggie smile, and he loves M&M’s, his favorite treat.”
Clearly Jeff was talking about her. “I don’t eat candy,” she reminded him pointedly.
“But sad to say,” he continued, as if she hadn’t spoken, “he may wash out of the program, which would be a shame—” here Jeff moved in for the kill “—because he has PTSD.”
Ann said nothing.
“You know what that means?”
“Yes. He suffered some sort of mishap—and now he has nightmares.”
“He’s a dog,” Jeff said. “Who would know?”
Her pulse was racing now. “He probably twitches in his sleep. His legs move as if he’s running away from something.”
“What are you running from, Miss Walker?”
“You,” she said without even thinking.
“I understand that.” She could almost see him lying on his sofa, the phone to his ear, that lazy “gotcha” smile on his face. Somewhere in his house or apartment or wherever he lived, his little boy would be fast asleep, the place quiet. Like Jeff. “What I want to know is, why?”
“How about because I don’t like cops.” Not true, except that they served as a reminder. She had her finger on the off button.
“Strange, because nothing showed up in your file. No arrest for resisting, or threatening an officer of the law—”
Her pulse lurched. “You looked at my file?”
“No,” he said. “I was flushing you out. So there is a file?”
“That’s none of your business! And if you call again—”
“Annie, don’t hang up. I was kidding. I wouldn’t hunt up someone’s file just to get a date—even with you,” he added.
She almost smiled. He was charming. And Ann couldn’t resist.
“Then you don’t know about the police brutality.”
Obviously surprised, Jeff Barlow laughed. He had a nice laugh, rich and full and hiding nothing about him, which was more than Ann could say for herself. She envisioned his sandy hair and blue eyes and, yes, that uniform. And that was only his outer appeal. If the situation were different, she would want to go out with him again, test the waters at least. But Ann didn’t dream anymore about love and marriage, or having a family of her own—the dreams she and Molly had once shared.
That night nine years ago, the worst night of her life, had changed everything for her. Jeff wouldn’t learn about that, though, because they would never get that far. So it would do no good to let herself like Jeff Barlow too much. Which was why she’d decided to end this relationship now.
“Thanks for calling,” she said drily, finger poised again on the off button, pulse still thumping as if she were a felon about to get nabbed, “but you’re wasting your time. Goodb—”
“Is it because I’m a cop? Really?”
She froze. “Not you, personally, no. It’s a general thing.”
“Ah. I see. And it’s not because of Ernie?”
“Ernie?” She had an instant image of the little boy, small and chubby and full of life. He scared her more than Jeff did: Ernie was even easier to like.
“My kid,” he explained, as if she didn’t know. “You have something against kids? That a ‘general thing,’ too? Or is it mine in particular?”
She heard the edge in his tone, his instinctive protection of Ernie. Jeff never came into the center without swinging Ernie into his arms and smacking a kiss on his cheek. It was clear the boy worshipped him, too.
“I work with children every day,” she said. “Why would I have something against them?”
“I don’t know,” he drawled. “Why would you?”
“Look. If I needed a counselor, I’d get one,” she said. Over the years she had seen a number of shrinks. None of them had helped.
“I like psychology,” Jeff said. “I like to learn what makes people tick. You intrigue me.” That smile in his voice was back again. “And I don’t see how we can come to some agreement here unless we get everything out in the open. So what is it, Annie?”
“Stop calling me Annie.”
“Uh-uh. I like it. Takes some of the starch out of you. Makes you seem more approachable. Like Molly.”
“Then ask my sister for a date.”
He whistled softly in her ear. “You are a tough nut. Molly’s a great person, but it’s not her I’m interested in.” Then he homed in on her again, his voice soft and soothing. “Who hurt you, Annie?”
Her breath hitched, and to her horror the words popped out.
“It was quite the reverse.”
Had she shocked him? But the long silence ended with “We’ll have to get to the bottom of that. Another time,” he added. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“No you won’t—” she began, but Jeff had already ended the call.
If only... But Ann didn’t finish the thought. She wasn’t talking, because once he knew the truth, he would certainly change his opinion of her. Nobody wanted a guilt-ridden emotional cripple for a girlfriend.
Blinking, not sure whether she was sad or angry or afraid, Ann shut off the TV, doused the living room lights and at ten o’clock crawled into bed, where she struggled not to pull the covers over her head.
In her dark dreams she must have been twitching like a dog.
* * *
“HELP.”
Molly was in her room that night, intent on keeping to herself and brainstorming