Risky Christmas. Jill Sorenson
she said, her voice flat. “Mandy and Alyssa weren’t old enough to understand what he was going through. In their eyes, he was perfect. If he’d lived, I’m afraid he would have continually disappointed them.”
He knew what she meant. In his twenties, he’d given up hope that his mother would change, but he’d never been able to stop caring about her. Even now, she had the power to let him down.
“You think I’m terrible.”
“I’d be a hypocrite if I thought that.”
She examined his face. “Is that why you were alone on Christmas? Being with your mother is too difficult?”
He leaned back against the couch, resting his arm on the frame. “It’s difficult, yes. I haven’t been in touch with her since Brenda’s funeral. It was frustrating to see her grieve. Too little, too late, if that makes sense.”
Her eyes softened with understanding.
“I also wanted to be alone this year. Or, I thought that was what I wanted.”
“Why?”
“Christmas is always weird for me,” he said. “I have a friend from the foster care system that I sometimes hang out with, but he got married last summer. This year he went with his wife to visit her family for the holidays.”
“You’ve never been married?”
“No.”
“What about a steady girlfriend?”
“No one lately,” he said, feeling heat creep up his neck. He hoped she wouldn’t ask how long he’d been sleeping alone. “My friend’s wife has threatened to put my picture on an internet dating site.”
She laughed, raking a hand through her hair. “You should let her.”
Brian watched her intently, fascinated by every line of her face. He had no intention of allowing Gretchen to take over his love life. If he couldn’t find a woman on his own, he didn’t deserve one. “You should let me give you a swimming lesson.”
She stopped laughing.
“It’s easy.”
“For you, maybe.”
“If you were more comfortable in the water, you could relax at the beach.” When she chewed on the edge of her thumbnail, wavering, he said, “You also need to know how to swim for your daughters’ safety.”
“Now you’re giving me a guilt-trip.”
“Whatever works.”
“Where is this pool?”
“About ten minutes away. We’d have it all to ourselves. The girls can swim, too.”
“They’d like that,” she admitted.
He wished she’d say yes because she wanted to. “I can’t imagine where I’d be if I never had that first surfing lesson. It changed my life.”
She held up a hand to ward him off. “I’m never going surfing.”
Laughing, he said, “But you’ll try swimming?”
After a short pause, she nodded. “Okay.”
He grinned, delighted to have talked her into it. “You’ll be fine.”
“I might freak out.”
“Don’t worry about it. We can take as many breaks as you need.”
They made arrangements to leave before noon the next day, and she promised to pack a picnic lunch. Brian knew it wasn’t a date, but he couldn’t squelch the feeling of excitement and anticipation in his belly.
If he wasn’t concerned about scaring her off again, he might have tried to kiss her good-night.
Leah locked the door behind Brian and set the alarm, her heart sinking.
Why had she agreed to go swimming?
After the afternoon she’d had, the last thing she wanted to do was stress out or make a fool of herself. She knew she couldn’t tolerate being submerged in water. Tomorrow she was going to thrash and sputter like a wet cat.
She also felt conflicted about encouraging him. He looked at her in an appreciative, manly way and she liked it. She might have avoided eye contact with him this week but she hadn’t been able to suppress her fantasies.
Late at night, in her bed, she thought about him.
Although he was very attractive, it wasn’t just his looks that drew her in. His personality was irresistible. He seemed so…resilient. He’d had a hard life but he wasn’t broken. In his presence, she felt safe.
Brian could help her overcome her fears.
If she learned to swim, she’d be taking a step forward, managing her anxiety. She felt like she had no control over her current situation. The program told her where to live, where to work. The lack of freedom, along with her frequent nightmares and constant worry about Mariano Felix, was crippling her.
Had she really seen him earlier? Or had he been a figment of her imagination, an apparition from a nightmare?
After checking in on the girls, who were sleeping soundly, she turned off the lights and crawled into bed. If she was being honest with herself, she’d admit that hooking up with Brian had some advantages. He wasn’t the kind of man she would normally date, with his troubled past and iffy finances. But he was tall and intimidating-looking. He had hard muscles and strong hands.
Although all evidence showed that he was gentle with women and children, and sensitive to other people’s feelings, she’d bet he could raise those hands to defend himself if push came to shove.
He could defend her, too.
She’d never considered getting a boyfriend for security purposes. Since John’s death, she hadn’t felt a flicker of interest in a man. Her children came first. Besides, it wasn’t fair to get involved with someone under these circumstances. She was living under a false name, and could be relocated at the drop of a hat.
Now that she’d seen Felix—maybe—her outlook had shifted. She could use the extra protection. She needed to be proactive.
Hugging a pillow to her chest, she closed her eyes, imagining Brian in her bed.
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